Health. It’s a good thing, right? Our bodies matter. We’re not just spiritual beings, we’re physical, too. That’s how God designed us and ignoring that….well, it’s just silly. And gnostic. So taking care of our bodies matters. Seeking to nourish them with good food and maintain an active lifestyle has a deeply moral dimension. But you know what makes me really uncomfortable? When we turn diets and the pursuit of health into a religion.
When we treat food that doesn’t meet a rigid dietary criteria as “poison” and feel actual guilt when we don’t adhere to strict guidelines of what we should and shouldn’t eat, when we let a health fanaticism steal our joy of food–leaving stress, guilt, and anxiety in it’s place–that is just wrong. It’s not how things were meant to be.
Food is meant to be an experience of joy and community. We eat together. And it’s a beautiful gift from God. What happens when we obsess over food so intensely that it steals our joy? When we can’t even go out to eat with other people because our self-imposed rules get in the way? When eating the right things inhibits us from enjoying food and the people we eat it with? We’ve lost the gift God meant food to be.
How does this warping of our view of food happen? Well, we were designed to be religious creatures. And in our secular culture, when there’s no faith, we seek out other things to be religious about. Like what kind of food to put into our bodies. Don’t believe that it can get that intense? Just check out the fruititarians.
I care about health. We’re the neighborhood weirdos who raise our own chickens. But I also think there are dangers to this Gospel of Health that obsesses over every bite we ingest. Because I think that food and time around the table should be a time of joy. And when all we can think about when we encounter food is calories, rules, and waistlines….well I think our very natural desire to pursue health is becoming twisted into something it was never meant to be–something that deeply hurts us. Because that’s what the devil does–he cannot create so he turns what is good into something warped and ugly.
So as we are all thinking about healthy goals for the coming year, let’s make sure our motivations and desires are in order. Are we pursuing healthy habits to be good stewards of our bodies, to be good parents and spouses? Or are we falling into the ugly grip of orthorexia (an eating disorder that obsesses over eating the right way)? Are we equating the number on the scale with our value? Because that’s not the abundant life God has called us to. It’s just not.
God wants me to care for my body. Yes, he does. And I want to do that well to honor him. But an obsession over my pants size is nothing but darkness. And any compulsive rigid rules that steal joy from my dinner table are from the pit of Hell.
I know that sounds dramatic, but when I look in my little daughters’ faces I want them to see a woman who knows she is valued and why she is valued–and that it has NOTHING to do with the number on the scale or how perfectly she adhered to a set of dietary rules. Because they deserve better than that.
Now I’m not saying, it doesn’t matter what you’re feeding your body. Not at all. It matters. I want my family to be healthy. I want them to have a healthy mother. And I want to teach them about the ethics of food: where did it come from? How were the people who grew/raised this food treated? How were the animals treated? How was the earth treated?
But, I do not want to lose the joy of spending time around the table together. I do not want to equate my value with eating the right thing.
So here’s what I propose. I think we need to start by taking a deep look at what motivates our desire for health. Perhaps we’re obsessing, perhaps we’re ignoring our health. Let’s get things in the proper order.
If you struggle with finding any joy in food because the list of “don’t eats” is becoming longer and the guilt you experience when you break the “rules” is getting deeper….maybe you don’t need a list of new year’s healthy resolutions. Maybe what you need is for the time you spend around the table to be redeemed. Maybe your goal for the new year should be to relax, to enjoy, and to savor. Because God didn’t create food to be our master, he created food to bring us joy and to bring us together.
Update, September 2015: I read over this post a year later with longing because since my autoimmune disease has returned, I’ve HAD to worry about every little thing I eat in order to avoid pain that comes with foods that exacerbate my disease. But I’m hopeful that I can heal and look forward to the day I can enjoy life around the table without anxiety. And I’m even more convicted about the idea that food should be a source of joy! That’s how it’s meant to be.
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Amen!
I have a friend who has battled with orthorexia for years on and off. There were many times that she would go grocery shopping and leave empty handed because nothing was “good enough” for her to eat. It was very hard for her and her family. She didn’t realize that her problem had a name until she started classes to further her nursing degree. Once she was able to name it, she was able to manage it. Plus, she broke up with her gym because the trainers and nutritionist there were adding to her obsession with eating the right way.
So sorry to hear that about your friend, Erica. That sounds incredibly difficult.
I 10000% agree. I’m definitely fallen into the the trap of being too obsessed with food and rules and all that…I’d even say that at one point I was borderline orthorexic. i still care about food and make an effort to eat healthy, but I no longer treat health like a religion.
I think it’s a very easy trap to fall in to, Amelia.
The timing of this post is perfect. I’ve had a rough time lately and needed to move in with family. They live in a mountainous part of NC where there are plenty of places to hike, so I commented that I needed to lose weight badly. Not so much because of numbers but because I physically feel uncomfortable and really, I’m 23, walking shouldn’t make me lose my breath. This has basically meant that every time I eat, someone has something to say. I just sat down with a piece of pie (my second since Christmas… the horror!!) and was met with, “Charlotte, don’t you think you should be eating less?” Meanwhile it’s the second thing I’ve eaten today. I’ve been here around three weeks and have lost weight and am feeling stronger and more energetic, and it’s because I’m not eating fast food and because I went from sedentary to active. NOT because I’m counting calories. Whenever someone comments on what I’m eating I ignore it, but it does get to me sometimes, so reading this was good. Thanks.
I’m glad the timing was good, Charlotte. Sorry about the rough time! Hope things get better. NC is so beautiful.
WOW. Didn’t know that ED had a name! And this is coming from someone who WAS diagnosed with an ED. You learn something new everyday.
Also yes, I agree with this post a lot. Most of the kitchen-based anxiety I’ve written to you about actually stems from something like this. I worry that anything I’m capable of making for my family can’t POSSIBLY be good enough. I can’t afford all organic. I can’t afford non-processed pasta. I don’t know how to cook gluten-free or anything like that. So what happens is I end up seizing up in the kitchen and crying over it all. It’s horrible.
Totally. I think that if we start thinking of what and how we would eat if we had infinite time, resources, and knowledge then it’s hard to be ok with the ‘good enough’ of what we actually CAN accomplish. And then it’s baby steps and figuring out how to slowly gains one new skills to benefit your family. But it can’t happen all at once and it will never be perfect. I think it’s been months since my last kitchen sob fest so…..progress, right?! <3
Thank you for writing this, Haley! You always seem to put into words what has been weighing on my heart! Love this.
Thanks, Natalie!
I agree! I think in general food needs to treated as a balance between sustenance and joy. We can’t always be fasting nor can we always be feasting. In our society, I do think it’s rarely emphasized on paying attention to your personal reaction to food. Presently, there seems to be a movement to find out what food means to us as a culture here in the states which leads to extreme rules and to extreme hedonism. Leveling out will occur because there are always those people who are moderates. I will say that I have done a whole30 like diet to find a pesky food allergen when blood testing wasn’t working. I found it to be enlightening on how I respond emotionally and physically to food. However, I can see how the rules can lead to a problem and if the reintroduction phase isn’t handled properly how a disorder could occur.
“Food needs to treated as a balance between sustenance and joy.” I love that. I’ve done a whole30, too, and actually really liked it–but I dropped out after about three weeks because I’m still nursing and was dropping weight a little too fast. I think it was really helpful, too, to help pinpoint what was making me feel crummy. Sugar (already knew I struggled to process it) and gluten (makes sense b/c my kids are allergic). And upping the protein and veggies definitely helped me feel better. So yes, like you said I think it can be really helpful. But as an extended forever kind of diet, unless necessary due to food allergies or a medical condition, I think it would really get in the way of enjoying food with other people. Totally agree with what you said!
I was planning on doing another whole30 starting the 5th but as I’m nursing, I do wonder if my milk will be effected. Like the sugar article you just posted will power is such a problem for me. Thank you posting some encouragement.
I’ve never been able to do it without my milk supply taking a plunge, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible (I know there’s lots of tips for that online). But we do have a little carrots whole30 FB group if you wanna hop over there. Lots of lovely encouraging ladies. No guilt 😉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/1489212834654532/
Yes! Thank you for (once again!) doing a better job of writing than I would on a similar subject. It is important to take care of ourselves and the bodies that God gave us, but it isn’t the only thing! This is why you won’t find me doing any self-imposed cutting of foods/dieting… I’m just trying to be better about cutting down on processed foods and finding new ways to eat produce so my (and my family’s) diet is balanced–and so I don’t need to feel the guilt when I enjoy some yummy Christmas cookies! 🙂
Yes! It’s definitely a big picture thing that should include community, family, and joy at the table–in addition to doing our best to seek what’s good for our bodies. (And hey, we know stress isn’t good for our bodies!) Enjoy those cookies 😉
Glad you wrote this. ‘Bout time someone said it. The way people talk and write about certain foods these days is downright incredible. “Wheat is poisonous to the body” and that kind of jazz.
Like so many things in life, moderation is key. Just as you said, strike a balance. Give your family nourishing food, enjoy occasional treats and be active when you can. Don’t follow food fads and PLEASE don’t tell all your friends on Facebook what they should or should not be eating, or try to scare them with the latest nutritional study! lol
I think sometimes when your body works a certain way, it’s hard to fathom that somebody else’s body doesn’t (like the wheat mania). For instance, Daniel can eat sugar all day and feel great. I eat sugar and I feel awful. So while sugar feels like MY enemy, I can’t assume that his body processes it the same way, ya know?
Yes! This is why phrases like “clean eating ” bug me so much…so just because this person is richer and can afford “clean” ingredients ….does that mean my food is “dirty”? Which is absolutely the WRONG way to go about talking about food. Yes, we absolutely should be good stewards of the earth, we absolutely should practice moderation and take care of our bodies. But shaming yourself and others is definitely not the way to go. Great post!
Daniel and I have discussed this, too, Liz. While I actually do feel much better (more energy, less grumpy, etc) on a paleo or similar diet, most of the world’s population could never afford to live off of meat and veggies and no grains/legumes. That seems problematic to us, too.
This is a really great post!! It’s something I talk about and think about often, especially because I’m vegan and I work hard to make sure it never takes away from the social parts of eating. I haven’t really had a problem with letting dietary restrictions stop me from enjoying the cultural/communal/spiritual aspects of eating, but I have been struggling a lot with the ethics of basically all food sources in the U.S. When I think about how essentially all of our food in the States is produced via the poverty and exploitation of people in unindustrialized countries, I have a really hard time eating nonlocal food without feeling bad about it. I know that ONLY ever eating locally grown food–which would exclude almost all restaurants, food at other people’s houses, and the stuff in most grocery stores–is unrealistic and would be mentally exhausting, but it’s harder for me to remember to give myself a break about food when I don’t want to support the exploitation and hunger of OTHER people, you know? It’s not about putting poison in my body, it’s about not wanting to eat food that was produced through starvation wages on land stolen from peasant farmers. It’s harder for me to remember moderation when I feel like I’m harming others and not myself. Anyway, I know I sound a bit extreme but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. How can you really be a good steward of your food when almost all of your food was unethically procured (rhetorical question)?
YES. Yes, yes yes. I absolutely am with you on all that. Daniel and I were just talking about this and I think for us, pursuing a big picture kind of family food culture that aspires to good food ethics is where we are…getting caught up in the minutiae of what we can and can’t achieve gets so exhausting. Daniel actually wrote a really good post today that touches on that. Here’s the link: http://www.daniel-bearman.com/2014/12/28/religious-eating-and-the-real-ethics-of-food/
This is my favorite Carrots post of all time!
Thanks, Jen!
I highly recommend the book “Supper of the Lamb” It has helped me keep my sanity over food issues several times 🙂
Is that the Scott Hahn book?
It’s by an Episcopal priest, Fr. Robert Capon. I read it this past year; it’s great! I also liked “An Everlasting Meal” by Tamar Adler.
I love this post! You have articulated and responded really well to some things that have been gnawing at me a while. I have fairly healthy body image these days but I know I could be a better steward of my physical health. Problem is I find it hard to get motivated any more than fleetingly by anything to do with appearance.
I’ve also married into a family who are beautiful in so many ways but whose hang ups about food, weight etc are really not something I want to let into my life or foster in my children. You have expressed really well the ethic around food that I want to embrace. I may just have to print this out. Thank you!
Yes. I definitely struggle with getting motivated beyond “will my jeans fit if I do this?”
The one time I really got motivated to improve my health was in 2009 when I declared a Year of Stewardship in my life (i do themes rather than resolutions). I gave up recreational shopping, cared more for the earth and, as part of the same deal, exercised and ate a balanced diet. Then I went to Italy and reconnected with my carb gluttony! I’ve known ever since that I need to rediscover that authentic motivation that is about stewardship rather than vanity…. Your post helps me refocus on that 🙂
Such a great post! I would say for the last five years or so I have eaten vegan on and off. I know the health benefits of eating plant based. I have watched the horrifying way animals are treated. However, eating vegan is easily turned into an all encompassing thing. Food becomes all about rules. Instead of being about spending time with people it is, “Well what am I going to eat?”
Totally. Once you know how animals are treated in factory farms you can’t un-know it.
Thank you so much for posting this!! I have tried to find a proper balance and have a healthy relationship with food. What makes this more difficult is that my sister borders on being orthorexic (so glad to know the name for this!). It makes eating in family situations difficult for everyone because it so often includes a lecture. I’m glad to hear strong, Godly counterpoint to this.
Hi Haley,
This post really resonated with me in a very good way. I would bet this is struggle for just about every mom. I know you didn’t intend to do this, but at the end it seems like you are saying, if you have foods you are avoiding and it gives you anxiety, maybe you should relax and not be so stringent about things.
“If you struggle with finding any joy in food because the list of “don’t eats” is becoming longer and the guilt you experience when you break the “rules” is getting deeper, maybe you don’t need a list of new year’s healthy resolutions… Maybe your goal for the new year should be to relax, to enjoy, and to savor.”
I agree with you about the guilt and relaxing, however, there is a problem with how our food is grown, produced and consumed. We no longer live in a world where food is a simple thing and there are moral and health implications with eating. Those who treat food as a neutral are ignoring these implications, which I think you agree with, and so we ought to take care about what we put in our bodies.
I have a son who has Apsergers, which we have found is helped greatly with a special diet. So as a family we avoid gluten, dairy, preservatives and additives. That gives me anxiety sometimes, you know, but the solution for our family is NOT to relax and not be so stringent, which seems to be the way the conversation is leading in the comments. Breaking the rules for us, and for many people on special diets, has a direct correlation to how my son acts and feels. The solution, at least for us, is to find foods we CAN eat and enjoy, and let those foods be an expression of community and enjoyment.
Sorry to be a downer, I just feel like all the bad-talking about special diets is a misunderstanding of this kind of logic.
Hi Jackie! Thanks for adding to the conversation. I don’t think we’re in disagreement here. My kids are allergic to gluten and for my oldest child in particular, eating it results in eczema all over his body, asthma attacks, and general unpleasantness. Eating it isn’t an option in our house. Relaxing those rules would result, not in joy, but in trips to the hospital for asthma attacks. No thank you 😉 But what I was discussing in this post wasn’t food allergies or diets that improve medical conditions. What I was concerned with here was how we impose unnecessary (gluten, for instance, it’s necessary for us to avoid like the food your family avoids for your son) restrictions that steal all the joy from the table. Our food choices DO have a moral dimension, but it’s because of what our faith teaches us about our bodies, food, and the people who grow it, not because we warp things and make our food choices into a religion. Thoughts?
Haley, you are right we are not in disagreement. I would say that it is a huge struggle for people following special diets to not have it over-run our thoughts and faith. Like many other aspects of mothering and being a woman, we can obsess over something and warp what was once a good desire (good health) into something that robs us of God’s peace and joy. What I was getting at is that some people don’t understand the effects of certain foods on those who are sensitive, and use this kind of argument to dismiss special diets.
I would say the whole conversation is another dimension to the complexities of modern life, and that you are absolutely right about getting things in proper order and taking a deeper look at what is motivating our desire for good health.