So here I am at almost 40 weeks, completely exhausted, uncomfortable, and so ready to have this baby. And each morning it gets harder to start the day. I figure there might be some other folks out there as the school year comes to an end that also need a little help getting their morning started, so I thought I’d do something a little out of the ordinary here at Carrots and share a morning dance mix with you. (I haven’t shared a mix since posting our Advent playlist). My kids love dancing to this music while Daniel and I cook breakfast. And the tunes give me a little boost to get my hugely pregnant self moving. I hope you enjoy some new tunes!

Disclaimer: I haven’t looked up lyrics or examined cover art or other songs/albums by these bands so I’m not vouching for their appropriateness for all audiences!

If you’re seeing this post in an email or a reader you may need to click over to the actual site for the Spotify playlist to show up below:

Three things jump out at me when I see this picture from Sunday:

1. I look tired. (Accurate portrayal. At 39+ weeks, I’m exhausted.)

2. My son’s face! Goofiest smile ever!

3. Daniel’s beard is OUT OF CONTROL.

Pregnancy Update:

Nothing exciting to report. Well, being this close to having a new beautiful baby is certainly exciting! But nothing dramatic to report. Baby Gwen seems mighty comfortable in there despite the intense Braxton-Hicks I keep having every couple of days. It’s unlikely that you’ll see me with makeup or wearing anything but stretchy, comfy pajamas until this baby arrives. Sorry, world. My midwife says I’m 1cm. dilated but that labor doesn’t look imminent. Waaaaaah! My plan is to pull out all my natural induction methods  tonight when the kids go to their grandparent’s house starting with a spicy food dinner date with Daniel followed by a long walk and sitting on the birthing ball while eating tons of pineapple and massaging the labor-inducing acupressure points on my feet. If nothing happens over the weekend, I’ll make an appointment on Monday with my acupuncturist. No castor oil for this gal, though, unless my only other option is Pitocin! Apart from the discomfort of being absurdly pregnant, I just really want to meet this little lady! C’mon, baby carrot!

On the Homestead:

Tomatoes everywhere! I am having the hardest time letting them ripen instead of just frying them green and gobbling them up.

The layers are all laying now! So there’s beautiful eggs everyday. I need to take pictures of each of our ladies and introduce them to you!

Reading: I finished North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell from my 2013 Reading Goals as well as A Biblical Walk Through the Mass. I started Wives and Daughters (also by Gaskell) and we’re almost done reading The Hobbit aloud to four-year-old Benjamin which has been so fun!

 

The Quotable Lucy:

“Toast, Charles! Toast!” Yes, we begin indoctrinating our children with Brideshead Revisited as early as possible.

The Quotable Benjamin:

On The Phantom Menace: “This is boring. Can we watch the REAL Star Wars now?” (We were so proud.)

Links:

Who Gets to Say How Many Children You Should Have? Kitchen Stewardship

Catholic. Nuff Said. Bad Catholic

How to Subscribe to Blogs (Or, why you shouldn’t panic about Google Reader’s demise) Simple Mom

(p.s. After trying both Bloglovin’ and Feedly, I officially like Feedly best. The mobile app is awesome.)

And I spent some time this week updating the archives so if you’ve been trying to hunt down an old post, hopefully it will be easier now!

Excuse me because a miracle is happening: both kids are napping AT THE SAME TIME! (I know!!!) This pregnant mama is going to jump on the chance for a nap! Have a wonderful weekend!

Love,

Haley

P.S. You can also follow me on Twitter (@haleycarrots), Pinterest (haleyofcarrots),  FB, and Instagram (carrotsformichaelmas). I love connecting with my wonderful readers!

P.P.S. Has anyone seen Gatsby yet? Is it worth the price of a movie ticket? I might need something to distract myself from the fact that I haven’t gone into labor yet…

Since our conversion, I’ve gained more appreciation for the rhythms of the Christian Year and that by observing those seasons, the story of the Gospel unfolds. One way to participate in the Christian Year is to feast and fast according to the traditions of the Church which, obviously, involves food! Sharing food with family and friends should ideally be a daily reminder of sacred things: The Last Supper, the Holy Eucharist, and the Wedding Feast of the Lamb (all connected, of course). If we consider the partaking of food not as a mundane event but as an intersection with the sacred, then what we eat, where it came from, and who grew it becomes more important.

Something we try to add to the rhythm of our lives is the practice of eating seasonal food. It seems elementary to eat according to what’s growing but until recently I never knew what was in season–produce is available at the grocery store all year round! Until we started growing a garden, I really had no idea if it was the season for tomatoes or for butternut squash.

A few books have been really helped me understand some of these ideas.

I love this collection of Wendell Berry’s agrarian essays: The Art of the Commonplace. I’ve written about how Berry’s emphasis on the value of home has helped me embrace my vocation as a mother, but his essays have been just as life-changing in regards to food ethics. Please read ASAP!

Barbara Kingsolver’s farm memoir Animal, Vegetable, Miracle is a wonderful introduction to eating local and seasonal foods. It chronicles her family’s experience moving back to a family farm and producing almost all of their food for a year. I don’t agree with every little thing she says, but it’s a delightful read that found informative and inspirational.

Seasonally-organized cookbooks have also been really helpful in training me about what’s in season and how to cook according to what’s growing in our garden.

If you’re just starting out, I highly recommend Simply in Season (by the creators of More with Less, an essential on my mother’s cookbook shelf). It is organized by Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter recipes and is very real food friendly. For someone like me who didn’t have the first idea how to cook an eggplant or a spaghetti squash when they showed up in our CSA bag or our frontyard garden, there’s a handy and simple guide in the introduction explaining how to prepare different kinds of produce in a myriad of ways. It is definitely my first stop when I’m trying to figure out how to prepare a veggie I’ve never cooked with or when I want to attempt a seasonal meal. The recipes sometimes need additional spice added but then again, we like things spicy!

And I also adore Brother Victor-Antoine d’Avila Latourrette’s cookbooks. They contain simple, frugal, almost entirely vegetarian natural food recipes by a monk who cooks with ingredients from his monastery garden. I love that they’re organized according to season and the Christian Year! Although, because Brother Victor-Antoine’s monastery is in the northeast, we have to make some substitutions because what’s in season in sunny Florida is usually a little different.

Twelve Months of Monastery Soups is a great and easy way to incorporate all those seasonal veggies. This one was gifted to us and we use it often. “The Monk,” as we affectionately refer to him, also has a Twelve Months of Monastery Salads, but we haven’t added it to our Cookbook Library yet.

We also love Sacred Feasts which is organized by month according to the feasts and fasts of the Christian Year. January, for example, contains seasonal recipes as well as specific ideas for Epiphany and Saint Anthony’s Day.

We recently acquired From a Monastery Kitchen which is similar to Sacred Feasts, but organized according to the four seasons instead of by month. We’ve never tried a recipe by Brother Victor-Antoine that didn’t turn out delicious!

Do you try to cook seasonally? What books have inspired and assisted you?

During this pregnancy (my third) my mood swings have been unreal. One minute everything is rosy and the next I find myself sobbing for no reason. And if I wait too long to eat or don’t get enough sleep, I am sure to be an insane hysterical basket case.

The worst meltdown occurred for really no reason at all at about halfway through the pregnancy. We put the kids to bed, then Daniel ran some errands while I made treats for a friend’s baby shower. When he left, I was in my right mind. When he returned, he found me sobbing in the kitchen as I iced carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese icing, my mascara running down my face.

“What’s the matter?!” he asked as he walked over to put his arm around me.

“Nothing, really!” I sobbed. “Except everything! I’m always tired and I’m always throwing up and and it’s so hard! I love my baby, but I feel so physically miserable and I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why!”

Being the wise man that he is, he knew I was in no state to hear reason and nothing he could say would stop the crazy that was spewing from my mouth. So he just listened while I exploded with pregnant hysteria until I wore myself out and I sat down on the kitchen floor.

He took a deep breath, sat down with me, put his arms around me, and we leaned against the dishwasher while I sobbed my little pregnant heart out for several minutes. As the meltdown fizzled out and I stopped crying, I had an epiphany: my husband was an image of Christ right here on our hardwood floor. Instead of talking me down or telling me I was being ridiculous, he got down into the middle of my pregnant crazy meltdown, sat there, and shared it with me.

His love was a reminder that God’s great love prompted him to actually come down to us, share our humanity, and suffer in our stead. I know I am more than fortunate to be married to a man who lives out that love each day of our marriage.  

A Letter to My Former Self When Became a Mother

“Nothing can prepare you for the sight of that stretching, crying, smiling, dreaming, little one that makes you feel that you are looking at your very heart outside of your body. At every moment for the rest of your life, no matter where you are, or what you are doing, part of you will be thinking about your child…” 

When Motherhood is Hard…

“I think motherhood can be a little bit like marriage. Sometimes it is just pure bliss. Other times, well, it’swork. And when you’re in the midst of those times, it’s hard to imagine that it will get better. But the truth is, it does and suddenly the struggle behind you is like a blip on the screen in your long journey…“ 

There’s No Paycheck for Motherhood: Finding Value in the Home

“I think we need an entirely different perspective. One that doesn’t equate value with money and liberation with consumption…“

A Mother’s Love, A Mother’s Fear

“It was the night that we brought our firstborn home from the hospital and I was crying like my heart would break…“

 It might be quiet around Carrots during the next couple of weeks. Our internet is down (hopefully getting fixed tomorrow!) and I’m focusing all my efforts on preparing for sweet Baby Gwen. For those of you on baby watch, there’s lots of contractions here and there but no “real” ones so I think this little lass has decided to stay put for a few more days. If I haven’t answered your email or comment this week, mea culpa! With any luck, I’ll catch up this weekend

 

 

 

Since becoming a mother, I read my favorite children’s books with different eyes. I find myself more interested in Marmee than Jo March and more fascinated by Caroline Ingalls than by Laura. One of my favorite mamas from literature is Molly Weasley. But what exactly makes this stay-at-home mom of seven so admirable? I’m sharing why I think she’s so great in honor of Mother’s Day coming up this Sunday:

(Note well! Spoilers within!)

1. She opens her heart. Although she loves her children fiercely, Molly’s motherly affection isn’t confined to her immediate family. She thoughtfully considers “the odd one out.” Whether it’s throwing a birthday party for the orphaned Harry Potter, or sharing a spot of tea and wise advice to the awkward and lovelorn Nymphadora Tonks, Molly always seems to notice and fill the need to be loved and cared about. She’s a mama to anyone that needs one.

2. She opens her home. Molly excels at hospitality. One of the things I’ve always admired in my own mother is her commitment to open her home. Molly Weasley does the same. She bustles around tirelessly, sharing her delicious food and motherly affection. When I read about her culinary accomplishments, I can’t help but wish I were sitting at her kitchen table, chatting with her and helping her chop veggies (with my magic wand, of course.)

3. She has an abundance of skills she uses for the good of her family. She cares for her family so well that her son Ron assumes she can make tasty food from thin air (an impossibility in the wizarding world). Although she’s fantastic at domestic spells, they aren’t her only claim to fame. As is revealed in the final book of the series, Molly can best one of the most prodigiously talented women in the wizarding world in a duel without batting an eye–when her only daughter is in danger! She’s a talented woman and she uses her skills to love and protect her family.

4. Her deep love isn’t self-centered. She gives tight hugs and knits her loved ones sweaters every Christmas. She constantly worries about the safety of her family (remember the boggart in Order of the Phoenix?). Yet, she encourages her children to do the right thing–even if it means they will be in danger. Although she sometimes errs on the side of overprotection (I certainly sympathize, Molly!), she believes that fighting for a better world is more important than safety. Maybe when one of your six sons works with dragons, another is a curse breaker, and several family members are in the movement to fight the world’s most evil wizard, you get used to the anxiety!

5. She pushes her kids to grow. When her kids do really dumb things, she lets them know. Steal dad’s flying car and get spotted by muggles? You’re going to receive a howler. Don’t study for your O.W.L.s and get low marks? She knows you can do better and she’s not afraid to make her opinion known! But…

6. She cheers her kids on. Get chosen as a school prefect and you can expect Molly to throw a party. Show the world you’re adept at a career even she was skeptical of? She’ll sing your praises. And she’ll work her fingers to the bone to give you an amazing wedding, even if your choice of bride isn’t the sort of girl she had in mind.

7. She loves her husband. Although they sometimes passionately disagree, Molly and Arthur love and respect each other. She is his biggest fan and can’t wait to proclaim his accomplishments. She believes in him despite his quirks, instead of wishing he were more financially successful…and less interested in muggle artifacts.

8. She cheerfully makes do with what she has. Although the Weasleys are often under financial strain, Molly doesn’t complain about their situation. I know how it is to run a household on one income and I’m always inspired by her resourceful and positive attitude even when times are tough. She knows the real treasures in life are her children and isn’t that so true?

Happy Mother’s Day, Molly! Do you have a favorite literary mom? What makes her admirable?

Things I learned this week: bathroom remodels take twice as long as you think they will. And my in-laws are saintly folk.

We were displaced from our little urban homestead for 11 days while our one bathroom got demoldyfied/ventilated/re-tiled and installed with a new bathtub, sink, and toilet. It was a moldy dungeon and now I feel like I’m bathing at a fancy hotel! Yay! The downside was just being away from home for so much longer than we expected. But, thankfully I have the world’s sweetest in-laws who took us in, fed us BBQ, and even did our laundry (I KNOW!!!). Don’t hate me for my obnoxiously good luck in the in-law department!

We also got a fun package from France including a parenting magazine’s gardening issue that asked for permission a few months ago to use a photo of Benjamin holding one of Daniel’s kohlrabi’s as the cover photo. So fun to see his cute little face on the cover. And they sent him a little French children’s book with an accompanying CD so he can learn some French words. Adorable!

Coming Up in the Liturgical Year: Next week is the Feast of the Ascension. Our liturgical year celebrations are really at a low point right now since I’m so pregnant but be sure to check out these great Feast of the Ascension ideas from Sarah.

Pregnancy Update: 37.5 weeks! Baby Gwen Stellamaris sounded great at my last midwife appt. Folks, I am not prepared for this baby. I don’t have a bag packed, I haven’t washed the baby clothes, we haven’t set up the co-sleeper. But my Braxton-Hicks are getting stronger and last longer every day so I need to get my ducks in a row! Packing our bag is on my to-do list for this weekend.

Let’s have a little fun. Anybody want to take a jab at guessing when she’ll arrive? Dwija had a little guessing contest with her youngest baby’s arrival and I’m inspired to do the same. Here’s the facts: estimated due date is May 22. So I’m now 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Benjamin was born at exactly 39 weeks. Lucy was born at 41 weeks and 3 days. No signs of prelabor yet except for tons and tons of Braxton-Hicks. OK, leave your guess in the comments!

Links:

The Keep Out Sign on the Family Home: Jennifer Fulwiler

Mothers Day Gift Idea: Slow Mama

Decide When to Buy Organic with the EWG’s 2013 Dirty Dozen List: The Kitchn

Capturing Your Kids: The Basics: Simple Mom

What to Do When Mass Is Awful: Held By His Pierced Hands

Thanks Carrots readers who showed me some love in the comments over at my new post for Mama and Baby Love: Should Kids Know How Their Meat Gets to the Table? I was a little nervous about posting that and Daniel was surprised that I didn’t take more heat for writing about introducing a 4-year-old to chicken death! I’m glad there’s at least a few other families out there who see the introduction of food ethics to young children as a good thing.

I also set up a little Bloglovin’ widget on my right sidebar if, like me, you were using Google Reader and have switched over to Bloglovin’. But don’t fear Feedly users! I’ll set up one for Feedly, too, as soon as I get my ducks in a row! I think the more streamlined look of Feedly is going to be more up my alley.

Now to pack that hospital bag while the kids nap! Thanks for the great suggestions for what to pack on the Carrots FB page. You all are brilliant! Have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

Haley

P.S. You can also follow me on Twitter (@haleycarrots), Pinterest (haleyofcarrots),  FB, and Instagram (carrotsformichaelmas). I love connecting with my wonderful readers!

Our family is big on having kids in the kitchen because of the wonderful benefits of mastering valuable skills as well as spending quality time together. But it’s also important to us that our kids know where their food comes from. One of the great benefits of having an urban garden is the joy of including our kids in growing the veggies and herbs that show up on our table.

But what about meat? Should children be exposed to the nitty gritty of how their chicken dinner arrived on their plate?…

Read the rest at Mama and Baby Love

This is a guest post by Erin of Seven Little Australians in the Women Speak on NFP series. In this series you will hear from women using various methods of NFP, some to avoid pregnancy, some trying to conceive, and their experiences.

Disclaimer: This series is not meant to be a substitute for any method of training in NFP! If you are interested in one of the methods introduced in this series, please contact a certified instructor for information about training in that method of NFP. 

When engaged, my fiancé and I made an appointment to learn Natural Family Planning, as practicing Catholics from large families wherein both sets of parents had been faithful to the magisterium of the Church nothing else ever occurred to us.

The method available in our regional city was the Sympto-Thermal Method.  This method is a combination of observing cervical mucus and reading the basal body temperature, then recording both details onto a chart.    It was rather interesting to look back over each cycle and note just when my body temperature was rising and falling, to know when I was ovulating and when I was infertile.  As we were not yet married (therefore not enjoying marital relations) it was a very easy matter to read just what my body was doing, I always had a ‘standard’ 28 day cycle, give or take a day or two, with very clear signs to read.  ‘Standard’ cycles were the foundation of the old Rhythm method.  Not all women have the same length cycles, some have short cycles, some longer, some have very little mucus to observe, and a women’s personal cycle is not always repetitive but can change each cycle too.

Based on our new knowledge and with a couple of recorded cycles, we blithely set our wedding date secure in the knowledge that we could honeymoon ‘safely’, planning to wait a little as our financial and housing situation was rather tenuous, though we were always open to God’s will.   What we failed to account for was that cycles can change; contributing factors include illness, travel, bereavement and stress.  Stress! Now that’s a certainty when planning a wedding and dealing with a whole host of issues.

Six months after becoming engaged we were married, nine months later we were blessed with our honeymoon baby.   We settled down to enjoy life with our precious newborn, a world which revolved around breastfeeding, sleeping and caring for our little one’s needs.  Thanks to solid teaching we were aware of our fertility but as I was showing no signs of a return to fertility, charting was only on the peripheral of our thoughts.  After a few months I began charting intermittently, taking the basal body temperature with a newborn was very different to when I was a single. Your temperature needs to be taken first thing in the morning before your feet hit the floor, but when you have a screaming baby needing her mama to pick her up ‘now’ it is rather hard to make your darling wait whilst you take a reading.  Anyhow when our baby was six months we thought it was time for a refresher course with a focus on fertility and breastfeeding.

My husband and I had moved to a country town when we married so we needed to find a new teacher, which we did through our local parish.  Unbeknownst to us at the time there was more than one Natural Family Planning Method, this teacher taught the Billings Ovulation Method.  This was a method I really loved, it was easy to understand and simple to implement, before I knew it I was training to be a Billings Ovulation Method teacher.

The Billings Ovulation Method is based on the observation of cervical mucus, of primary importance is the sensation at the vulva a woman feels as she goes about her daily life, secondary is what she sees.  This method is adaptable for many situations, simple enough for complicated situations such as blind women or women in tribal villages, and for women/couples in all phases of their fertility.   We quickly became confident in understanding the fertile and infertile phases, to comprehend the rules for delaying a pregnancy and in applying the rule to achieve a pregnancy.  The Early Day Rules, the Peak Rule and other phrases became quite familiar to us; then  observations were recorded on a paper chart, though there is now the option of charts via iphone apps!

My years, of a more than a decade, as a Billings teacher were rich ones, meeting and assisting clients was a privilege and incredibly satisfying.  The Billings ‘family’ consisted of an incredible group of scientists, researchers, doctors, teachers and religious, whom were all dedicated to helping women/couples and totally committed to Humane Vitae and to their Faith.  I was privileged to meet Drs John and Lynn Billings a few times and was totally impressed by them, sadly both have now passed to Eternal Life.  Through trainings and conferences I learnt the incredible science behind the knowledge, yet more impressive was the dedication to helping women/couples in all phases of their fertility; breastfeeding, menopausal, sub-fertile and fertile.

Twenty years of marriage has bought joy and challenges, during this period we have been blessed with 9 living children (losing one at 18 weeks gestation).  We have fairly easy pregnancies and mostly trauma free childbirths and while I’m breastfeeding, generally for 13-16mths, my fertility doesn’t return which has allowed for natural spacing.   Unlike many we have not been called to grapple with difficult fertility issues.  Being faithful to the Church’s teaching has necessitated self sacrifice which in turn has enhanced respect and led to a spirit of generosity.  We are incredibly grateful that we were led to an ‘openness to life’ and for the graces that the spirit of trust has bought to our marriage.

Erin and her husband recently celebrated their 20^th Wedding Anniversary.  With their nine children they live on 150 acres, on the North Coast of New South Wales, Australia.  Currently they are owner building their home in their ‘spare time’, after homeschooling and raising their family.  A passionate lover of all things print, Erin always makes time to read.  Snippets of their family life can be found at Seven Little Australians.

This is a guest post by Christy of fountains of home in the Women Speak on NFP series. In this series you will hear from women using various methods of NFP, some to avoid pregnancy, some trying to conceive, and their experiences.

Disclaimer: This series is not meant to be a substitute for any method of training in NFP! If you are interested in one of the methods introduced in this series, please contact a certified instructor for information about training in that method of NFP. 

Natural family planning, and the science and research behind it, has come a long way in the last 50 years. The effectiveness of the major methods when followed correctly approach 95-99%. But what happens when natural family planning is difficult or ineffective for a woman? When no confidence or trust can be found in a woman’s charting and cycle in regards to avoiding pregnancy the ramifications can touch almost every part of her and her husband’s life. The self-sacrifice usually required by natural family planning can become momentous and a heroic act of virtue. God’s will and His loving generosity of children to a couple and marriage can become difficult to accept. In short, practicing natural family planning can become a true trial of faith.

The discussions usually involved in natural family planning tend to always drift towards the overly positive, mainly because natural family planning  just has so many great benefits, but the conversation should also include the genuine openness to new life natural family planning creates regardless of how much we wish to control our fertility. We need to acknowledge that natural family planning is not simply a scientific formula but a concrete way which God uses to bring about life – even when our human plans seem to deem the timing to be wrong. With the science of natural family planning progressing all the time hopefully most women who experience NFP ineffectiveness will soon be able to resolve the health issues that can cloud the accurate reading of their fertility, but when going through this difficult period of their lives its also so important to remember that God’s perfect will can use these sacrifices for the good, and the children that they are blessed with are truly gifts from God.

I’m one of those women in the small statistical percentage of those who have yet to find effectiveness through the practice of NFP. My husband and I are both Catholic and knew before we were married that we would be practicing natural family planning for the spacing of our children. When we began dating and talking about marriage we both were fairly open to the number of children we wanted to have and I’ve felt firmly for a long time that only God can plan your family and have always been open to His plan for any children He would bless us with. I began charting before our marriage and was well aware that my cycle was not of the average variety and hoped with both practice and time to master recognizing the signs of fertility in my own body and in turn only get pregnant after careful planning and scheduling on my part. Of course God’s plan for our family turned out to be much different!

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years and have five children age five and under. My children closest in age are 11 months apart. We’ve had a honeymoon baby, a baby conceived at 8 weeks postpartum, one baby who’s conception couldn’t be explained by my NFP teacher with over 25 years experience, and another baby conceived in an near abstinent state and while still 100% breastfeeding. Our first three children could be explained by the rare instances we stretched NFP rules, the last two are very much indicators that for some reason my body is most definitely not functioning the way it should in showing signs of fertility. I’m more than well educated in the method we have always used, the Billings Ovulation Method, and have charted and worked diligently with a great teacher for the entirety of our marriage. My husband and I haven’t broken a rule since 2009. In comparing my charts with the rules and protocols of all the other major NFP methods its clear that I would have gotten pregnant if I were following those methods as well. I’m a walking NFP research case! When I think about my crazy super-fertility, or the statistical chances in conceiving my children my mind literarily boggles.

I can also safely say that practicing NFP and, in turn, accepting and welcoming surprise pregnancies has been the most difficult part of our marriage. Obviously the practice of natural family planning for a woman with a normal and recognizable fertility cycle requires self sacrifice on both the part of the husband and wife. The vocation of marriage and motherhood is also inherantly self-donative in its nature. But when there are no signs to depend upon in the woman’s cycle, natural family planning can become stressful, burdensome, and feel like an almost hopeless exercise to both husband and wife in trying to space children, and this can impact almost every part of married life.

Personally, our situation with NFP has also greatly affected my own relationship with God. Its stretched me in every possible way. I’ve felt many times as if my faith is being tested, that God is asking way too much of me, that I couldn’t possibly follow His will. I’m not sure if I’ve been truly tempted to use artificial contraception, because I fully believe it to be a moral evil, but the easiness, the illusion of it being a safety net, and the temptation to gain control over something I feel to have no control over has indeed tempted me. Its safe to say that NFP has become a cross for me and my husband during this season of our marriage.

But we all have to embrace the cross in order to embrace holiness and God’s will for our lives. Natural family planning is very much a huge sacrificial part of our lives. I’m really not sure what God’s plan is for this suffering. I’m not quite sure yet if this is producing any virtue within myself at all as I struggle with it on almost a daily basis! I do know that my children are the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. And I always say that they must be the most intended by God as they’ve defied all natural family planning odds in being conceived! My experience with motherhood and our family life itself is intense due to the closeness in our children’s ages but also very rewarding in seeing our kids so close to one another. We are constantly awed by how fast they change, how much they learn, and their constant joy and love. They’re a priceless gift and worth so much more sacrifice than we’ve made.

Our marriage has also been made stronger through all these difficulties. We really are the only ones who truly understand our strange situation and we’ve become pretty good at supporting each other and loving each other through the ups and downs. My husband has somehow even survived me being on an almost constant pregnancy/postpartum hormonal roller coaster for the past six years!

Right now I know we have a long road ahead of us before we’ll be able to be confident in my body’s signs of fertility. We first have to discover and treat whatever underlying health issue is at the heart of this problem. Then we have to somehow begin to trust and feel confident again in our natural family planning. I also have a long way to go in fully trusting God’s will for our family, its a daily trust I have to choose. I still believe strongly that God plans our family. And I know that when you come down to it, only God can make a baby. Babies are truly miraculous and it still blows me away that God can use us in His creation of beautiful, individual souls.

Our vocations as wives and mothers call us to self-sacrifice, and although natural family planning has become an especially trying and difficult part of my life I hope and pray that God is using it all for the good. I also sometimes pray that this cross of natural family planning might require a little less heroic virtue from us. I have learned through this experience that we sometimes need to direct the conversation surrounding natural family planning in general from one of method effectiveness in preventing pregnancy towards a conversation more about following God’s plan for our families, His intimate working within natural family planning, and the openness and blessings that this brings.

Christy Isinger is a full-time, at-home, sometimes crazy mom to five(!) children aged 5 to newborn. She herds toddlers and tries to keep a chaotic but loving home in northern Alberta, Canada. You can keep up with the craziness at her blog fountains of home where she writes about family, living the Catholic faith, books, and other random observations and opinions.