Tag Archives: conversion

Our Conversion Story: Part III

Part III: (Our Son, and Other Gifts of Grace) (read Part I and Part II)

But still we didn’t act. Daily we felt more distant from our Protestant faith and discovered that objections we had always had to the Catholic Church were dissolving as we actually learned what the doctrines meant. But making the plunge would require sacrifices that we weren’t quite ready to make. The toll a conversion would take on relationships with friends and family was too painful and overwhelming. For a year or so, we stayed in a strange limbo where we weren’t truly at home anywhere.

But, when I became unexpectedly pregnant with our first child, we knew the time had come. Our baby had to be baptized. There was no question. But, of course, the Baptist church we attended wouldn’t baptize an infant. And the faith we wanted to offer our son was that of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. After Benjamin was born, we started the RCIA program and prepared to enter the Church at Easter, 2010. I don’t know how long it would have taken us to convert if we had not been given the gift of our son to draw us closer to the Church. We praise God for his blessed entrance into our family.

As I write this, I understand why Evelyn Waugh doesn’t ever describe Charles Ryder’s conversion to the Catholic Church in Brideshead. Because how can I really explain? I can tell you that I trembled with fear and shame as I waited to give my first confession. And I can tell you that I came out of the confessional trembling at the grace and mercy of Our Lord. I can tell you that Holy Thursday and Good Friday are etched in my memory and that at the Easter Vigil the smell of the holy oil on my forehead, administered in the shape of a cross, was intoxicating. But I don’t know how to describe receiving the Blessed Sacrament for the first time. I didn’t have any sort of mystical experience at my Confirmation and first Holy Communion. I didn’t have visions or become suddenly super duper holy with never an unkind word to say of anyone. Not by any stretch of the imagination. All I can tell you is that everything changed in that moment. And that I’m still seeking to wrap my mind around what it means to be part of the Church and to receive the unfathomable grace of Our Lord himself, at every Mass, in the gift of his own Precious Body and Blood.

Daniel and I have pondered and tried to turn this new reality into words. We have said that it feels like floating on an ocean of Grace. Deep. Rich. Overwhelming. We are different. Our marriage is different. Everything has changed. Full of grace.

Don’t get me wrong. We didn’t convert to strengthen our marriage or to improve our lives, although both those things have happened. I recently had someone remark on our conversion, “Well, it’s great that you found the kind of church that makes you comfortable.” Nothing, nothing has made us more uncomfortable than the Catholic Church. We were drawn to it reluctantly and hesitantly. We didn’t convert for any reason other than we believed that the Catholic Church is the Church instituted by Our Lord Jesus Christ. That it is One, Holy, and Apostolic. That it is True.

We will never know who was praying for our conversion. But I know that we have arrived where we are only by the grace of Our Lord and the intercession of Our Lady and the Saints. And each day I am grateful. So grateful.

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Our Conversion Story: Part II

(In Which I Try to Prove St. Thomas Aquinas Wrong and Fail. Obviously.) (Catch up on Part I here.)

In late high school I felt drawn to the Catholic Church for aesthetic reasons. But I ignored my attraction to it because I didn’t think the Church could possibly be true. I had so many misconceptions about Catholic doctrine from growing up as a southern Protestant gal. However, while I was attending the largest Baptist university in the world (ironic, I know), slowly, slowly, my mind and heart opened to the Church.

I started reading many of the Church Fathers for my religion classes and Great Text classes. As I studied and wrestled with the ideas in the texts, I found my obstacles to conversion slowly crumbling. I remember two papers in particular that deeply altered my views. One was a paper I wrote on St. Thomas Aquinas. I set out to prove him wrong on some point of Catholic doctrine. Looking back, it strikes me as hilarious. Prove St. Thomas wrong? What was I thinking? How embarrassingly arrogant. Anyhow, I got half way through the paper and realized that St. Thomas was right after all (obviously) and that some of my conceptions of Christianity were startlingly without foundation.

The other paper was about theological texts behind the symbolism of two artistic depictions of Our Lady. As I pored over books about the development of Marian doctrine such as the Perpetual Virginity, I was shocked to realize that it was not, as I had always supposed, an invention of the High Middle Ages, but present in the early writings of the Church Fathers. I started to wonder if the Catholic Church was not only beautiful, but truly One, Holy, and Apostolic.

So, part of our journey to the Church was being introduced to the truth and beauty of Catholicism by reading the Church Fathers and Doctors of the Church. Daniel was reading the same works and we talked often of what they must mean. But we also read Enlightenment and modern thinkers in our program and realized that many of our Protestant ideals and beliefs were not scriptural at all, but were grounded in the materialist and individualistic philosophies that sprang from the Enlightenment. When we actually read the works of Luther, Calvin, and other reformers, we realized we could not agree with them. Furthermore, even Luther had a much higher view of the Holy Eucharist and the Blessed Virgin than I had ever been presented with as a Protestant, so how did the Protestant Church get so far from even the reformer’s teachings?

But really, it was the Holy Eucharist that drew me most deeply to the Church.

I attended a Mass at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart when I was visiting Notre Dame to give a paper on Jane Austen my senior year. There is nothing intellectual about my experience at this Mass. I simply felt drawn to the Blessed Sacrament. Almost unbearably. It was almost physically painful. It felt as if I had come home and I was dizzy with hunger but I couldn’t sit down at the dinner table where a feast was prepared. I realized that I believed, really believed, that the bread and wine were the Precious Body and Blood of Our Lord. That he was offering Himself to me, and that I was unprepared to accept him.

Daniel and I talked about all these things often. But neither of us came right out and said that we knew we would convert (although separately, we had made that decision). I was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way as I did, and I dreaded the idea of worshipping at different places and being separated by our faith. I was surprised and relieved when one day he said, “We can’t stay Protestant. In the next few years we will have to become either Catholic or Orthodox.” He was surprised when I wholeheartedly agreed…

Tune in tomorrow for Part III!

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Our Conversion Story: Part I

I have been putting off writing this post for two years. Because the story of our journey to the Catholic Church is really the story of our lives so…what to include? How to explain? Overwhelming.

In my favorite novel, Brideshead Revisited, the main characters read a passage from a Father Brown story by Chesterton which becomes a theme in the book:

I caught him (the thief) with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread.”

I can’t really explain how God’s grace has drawn me to his Holy Church. But this is my attempt at telling how I have been drawn to Him with “a twitch upon the thread.” So here it goes…

I don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in God and in the grand narrative of his Incarnation as a man, Our Lord Jesus Christ, and his death on the Cross—the salvation of the world. Daniel and I count ourselves blessed to have been raised by parents who love God and live out their Protestant faith very devoutly.

I was always very involved in my Protestant church and youth group and, until sometime in college, planned to be a missionary. Because that’s what you do when you’re serious about your faith, or at least that’s how I understood it. And it wasn’t until early high school that I started to feel any sort of draw to the Catholic Church as well as an unsettling and unease with my Protestant faith.

Major issues of faith began to cause me anxiety. My questions such as “What exactly does it mean to be ‘saved’? How do you know you have Jesus in your heart?”  were given very individualistic and experiential answers: “You just know. After ‘asking Jesus into your heart’ you’re saved.” “But, what about people who commit terrible sins, murder for instance, after ‘asking Jesus into their hearts’? Are they saved?” “They were probably never saved to begin with because they didn’t have a genuine conversion experience.” “Well, how do I know mine is genuine?!” “You just know.” I didn’t just know. And, in addition to matters of salvation, questions about how to interpret the Bible remained unanswered or unsatisfactorily answered. And I found myself tired, exhausted, and ill-equipped with the colossal task of having to decide every point of Christian doctrine on my own.

When my parents were confirmed in the Anglican church just before I left for college, I began wondering where I would end up. I was introduced to liturgy in the Anglican church and loved that, but still felt like a nomad. My first year of college I “tried out” Episcopal and Baptist churches, but didn’t really find a home…

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow….

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The Big Ol’ Catholic Reading List

Ok, so it’s not that big and it’s definitely not in the ballpark of comprehensive (would that even be possible?). But, in response to a reader’s request for resources on Catholic teaching, Catholic motherhood, Catholic blogs, and books that influenced our decision to convert, here’s…well, something. It’s off the top of my head with a couple suggestions and notes from Daniel. I would LOVE your suggestions and recommendations for additions!

CATHOLIC TEACHING/CATHOLIC THOUGHT:

(Daniel’s note regarding recommended reading for Catholic thought that also influenced our conversion:

“Read the Church Fathers, beginning with Ignatius of Antioch. Before I was Catholic, I thought that the Protestant Reformation was necessary because of a steady decline that had taken place in the Church from its very beginning. I thought that everything would be great if we could just get back to the Early Church. But I figured we just didn’t have a record of that time. Turns out, we do. Ignatius of Antioch lived in the first century and was martyred in the beginning of the second so his writing held a lot of weight with me. When I read his letters, I was quite surprised by what I found. Over and over again, he emphasizes loyalty to the bishops; an idea that was totally foreign to me. He spoke of the Church as a single organization with a hierarchy and chain of command. He also spoke of the Eucharist with great reverence and called it the ‘medicine of immortality.’

Continuing through the centuries… St. Augustine, St. Maximus the Confessor, St. Anselm. With these guys, it wasn’t so much a particular argument they made that drew me to the church. Instead, it was the continuity that exists over the centuries in their writings. This flew in the face of my idea that there was a ‘falling away’ from the truth. Quite the opposite, their was unbroken consistency of thought and teaching that existed from the early church all the way up to the contemporary Catholic Church. Maximus emphasizes this continuity (albeit in the 7th century).”)

A good place to start is with The Epistles of St. Clement of Rome and St. Ignatius of Antioch. There’s a good Paulist Press edition. Also worth reading are: The Prayers and Meditations of St. Anselm, Confessions or the Enchiridion of Faith, Hope, and Love of St. Augustine, and Selected Writings of Maximus Confessor.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church—doesn’t get much better than this. Confession: I haven’t read the whole thing. Maybe remedying that should (obviously?) be one of my Lenten devotions.

Signs of Life by Scott Hahn—Daniel and I read this together during Lent two years ago. There are 40 chapters so it’s perfect for lenten reading.  Dr. Hahn is also a convert and this book is a beautiful introduction to Catholic sacraments, sacramentals, and practices. Hahn includes many, many Scripture references in his chapters which is always helpful to those of us coming from a Protestant background.

Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton—Just awesome. Everything Chesterton writes is delightfully funny and painfully true.

On Being Catholic by Thomas Howard: Written by a convert, this book explains facets of the Catholic faith and Catholic worldview and dispells minunderstandings of the Catholic faith that might arise coming from a Protestant worldview.

On Loving God by St. Bernard of Clairvaux—Following in the footsteps of St. Augustine, this medieval saint writes beautifully. I am a medievalist at heart and I just love St. Bernard. Here’s an example: “Faith certainly bids me love him all the more whom I regard as that much greater than I, for he not only gives me myself, he also gives me himself.”

Why Do Catholics Eat Fish on Friday?: The Catholic Origin to Just About Everything by Michael P. Foley—Written by one of our Baylor profs, this is a delightful read.

And if you’re up for something dense but amazing—any of the writings of St. Thomas Aquinas.

CONVERSIONS:

Return to Rome by Francis Beckwith—Dr. Beckwith’s story of his reversion to Catholicism after becoming Protestant and being President of the Evangelical Theological Society.

Crossing the Tiber by Stephen RayPart I is his conversion story from Protestantism and Parts II and III are on Baptism and the Holy Eucharist.

Confessions by St. Augustine—the ultimate conversion story.

The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton—Another good conversion story highlighting the working of God’s grace guiding us, even when we are unaware.

Apologia Pro Vita Sua by the Blessed John Henry Newman—The spiritual autobiography of a former Anglican. Confession: I haven’t read this one, but Daniel really liked it.

CATHOLIC PRAYER AND DEVOTION:

St. Benedict’s Prayer Book—We love using this for morning and evening prayer for our family.

An Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales—Exhortations to holiness through prayer and examination of conscience by a wonderful saint of the Church.

The Rosary: Keeping Company with Jesus and Mary by Karen Edmisten—Fantastic introduction to praying the Rosary. I’ve read it twice and it has helped me make the Rosary a frequent and familiar devotion in my spiritual life.

MOTHERHOOD:

Familiaris Consortio, Encyclical by the Blessed Pope John Paul II: This one definitely falls into the category of Catholic teaching but has much to say on motherhood and the family in modern life. I’m more than halfway through and loving it.

HAGIOGRAPHY:

Catherine of Siena by Sigrid Undset—Well-researched and beautifully written biography of St. Catherine of Siena by Sigrid Undset, another fellow convert to Catholicism.

Saint Thomas Aquinas, “The Dumb Ox” by G.K. Chesterton—Nobody writes biography as delightfully as Chesterton. A wonderful introduction to this great saint.

FICTION:

ANYTHING written by Flannery O’Connor. My favorite is The Violent Bear It Away.

(Daniel’s note: “This is hard to explain. Perhaps it was that she was a Southern author writing about the South. I guess she was able to translate her Catholicism into the language of my Southern Protestantism. I can’t really put my finger on it. Obviously, the sacraments are a huge part of her work, even when they are slightly hidden. There is a kind of radicalism in her stories that makes sense to me and I think is a core part of the Gospel message. There is a totality to it that I think is clearly shown in Catholic theology. She also helped me see that some of my objections to the Catholic Church were actually rooted in my modern, materialist perspective and not really in anything biblical.”) Warning: If you’ve never lived in the South…these works might be really hard to understand.

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh: THE 20th Century Catholic Novel. Wickedly funny and full of heartbreaking truth, Brideshead follows the working of God’s grace in the aristocratic Flyte family through the eyes of their friend Charles Ryder. I read it every year and the characters have become beloved companions. I can’t explain why, but I think this book influenced me to become Catholic more than any other.

Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset: I’ve written about how much I love this saga before—how often do you find good medieval historical fiction? Kristin’s spiritual journey chronicled throughout the books is complex, beautiful, and worth reading.

The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (Daniel’s note: “I guess this is hard to explain, too. Maybe part of it was that I absolutely loved Tolkien and his worldview. So the fact that he was Catholic made me see Catholicism in a more positive light. There are also a lot of sacraments in his work. The Eucharist shows up all the time.”)

What are your suggestions for MUST-READ books and resources on Catholic faith?

(p.s. Don’t forget to enter my giveaway for a copy of the clothbound Penguin classic edition of Pride and Prejudice! It ends tomorrow at noon!)

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