After I posted about how my kids didn’t ruin Mass despite their best efforts, I often get emails wondering how we deal with having small children in Mass and what we do to get them to behave. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not an expert and oftentimes our two youngest still give us a run for our money on Sunday mornings, but we have learned A LOT over the past five and a half years of parenting in the pew.
When our oldest was exhausting us newbie parents with his toddler antics in Mass, I think what would have been most helpful would have been someone saying, “You’re doing great! Just keep at it and SOMEDAY he will sit there quietly. Really. I promise.” So parents who are exhausted from wrangling little ones in Mass, someday has come. He does great in Mass now. Your day will come, too. Promise. Hang in there. What you’re doing is important, valuable, and wonderful.
How We Do It:
- No nursery. We don’t take our kids to the nursery. No judgement here, some families need to use it to make things work and you guys just keep on keeping’ on. You know your situation and what your family needs better than I do! But what we’ve discovered for our family is that the nursery is full of toys and if we give our kids a choice between playing with toys and sitting in Mass, they will choose the former. We also didn’t want to use the nursery as a Plan B when our kids act up in Mass because we were concerned that would teach them that if they misbehave, then they get to go play with toys. We always take them into Mass, it’s just how we roll.
- No cry room. This is an easy one at our parish because we don’t HAVE a cry room (yay! This makes me so happy!). Every cry room I’ve ever been in has toys and instead of having a sound proof spot to participate in Mass while bouncing a fussy baby, they are filled with toddlers and young kids who are playing with toys. I can’t get my kids to learn to participate in the Mass while another kid is waving a toy in their face. Show me a cry room with no toys and I might change my mind about them (but probably not.)
- Freedom of movement in the pew. With infants and young toddlers we give a lot of freedom of movement in the pew. As long as one and two-year-olds are quiet and not disruptive, they can flip through books, crawl over Daniel and I, and move around on the floor at our feet. As they get older, we get more strict. Now that Lucy’s almost 3, we expect her to sit, stand, and kneel at the appropriate time but we don’t chastise squirmy-ness. Benjamin (age 5) is expected to sit still, not slouch, kneel appropriately, etc.
- No freedom of movement outside of the pew. The super fun times that could be had snuggling, reading books from the Mass bag, and smiling at other parishioners quickly end when infant/toddler gets disruptive, loud, or tries to leave the pew. Daniel or I pick up the misbehaving child and stand in the back holding him/her unless they are verbally loud/crying. We can blow kisses to Mary or wave to Jesus but the child does not get to walk around or leave our arms. If they are loud, we go out to the vestibule where they also cannot get down, run around, etc. They quickly learn that it is more fun to be in Mass.
- No food/drinks. Now some parents have great success with bringing a sippy cup with them or giving some cheerios to a fussy baby to distract him/her. This doesn’t work for us and always ended up being more distracting than helpful. If it works for you, great, but it might not be a fun habit to break. (P.S. please don’t offer snacks to children who are not your own but are sitting near you. Especially not without the parent’s permission. Yes, it’s happened to us. Cheerios (which Benjamin is allergic to because of gluten) and M&Ms (because nothing helps a child sit still like some food dyes, chocolate, and sugar!). I’m sure it was well-intentioned but it was highly unhelpful.) Nursing in the pew is usually a great idea, though. Keeps an infant/toddler happy, quiet, and occupied!
- Mass Bag of books. Having religious books to flip through really keeps those little hands busy and happy. We just keep the bag in the car and switch out books every so often. I particularly love books that are about the Mass because I can point to the pictures and explain what’s happening. We also put holy cards in there to sort or hold.
What’s In Our Mass Bag?
St Joseph Board Books (I LOVE these and they make great gifts for godchildren or baptisms)
We Go to Mass by George Brundage
Our Friends the Saints by George Brundage
The Story of Christmas by George Brundage
Gifts of God by George Brundage
Our Guardian Angels by George Brundage
Our Blessed Mother by George Brundage
Religious Picture Books
God Gave Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren
Noah’s Ark by Peter Spier
On Noah’s Ark by Jan Brett
The Tale of Three Trees by Angela Elwell Hung
Tomie dePaola’s Book of Bible Stories
Tell Me About the Catholic Faith for Small Children by Christine Pedotti (Ignatius/Magnificat)
Angel in the Waters by Regina Doman
The Miracles of Jesus by Tomie dePaola
Mary the Mother of Jesus by Tomie dePaola
Saints Books
Saint Francis and the Nativity by Myrna Strasser
Brother Sun, Sister Moon by Katherine Paterson
The Holy Twins: Benedict and Scholastica by Kathleen Norris
Lucia Saint of Light by Katherine Bolger Hyde
The Story of St. Patrick by James A. Janda
Patrick: Patron Saint of Ireland by Tomie de Paola
Brigid’s Cloak by Bryce Milligan
Peter, Apostle of Jesus by Boris Grebille (Ignatius/Magnificat)
The Song of the Swallows by Leo Politi
St. Valentine by Robert Sabuda
Joan of Arc by Demi
Saint George and the Dragon by Margaret Hodges
Any tips or tricks to share about teaching kids how to behave in Mass? How about good religious picture books? Share in the comments!
Some links are Amazon affiliate links.
I 100% agree on the tips about no snacks & not letting the kids get down to play when you take them out. Our church also does not have a cry room. We don’t usually take any books with us. We used to, but the kids were arguing over books, so now the older ones (4 & 6) are allowed to hold a Campion hymnal which has pictures that correspond to what is going on in the mass. Without all the distractions, participating is a lot more fun. Whichever child is near me, I usually whisper little things throughout mass so they know what is going on.
Also sitting close to the front is really good. The kids notice a lot more about what is happening since its right in front of them. In our church it’s difficult to find seats, let alone pick your seats…but we sit as close as we can get to the front whenever we can.
Yes about sitting in front!
Our church has chairs instead of pews, so no barrier between the front row and the altar. The last time we sat in the front row, we sat or knelt for the Eucharistic prayer, and that seemed the perfect time for my three year old to demonstrate her “spinny dress”! I promptly whisked her away, (rather than ‘discuss’ it then and there) but after Mass, the priest jokingly told my husband she wanted to come up and help!
Love these book ideas! You know, I’d love to illustrate a book to have in a Mass bag one day 😀 we do have “Brigid’s Cloak.” Such a pretty book!
At our church, there is a basket of books like these at the back of the pews where kids can pick out a book as they come in and also some little color sheets on a clipboard with a baggy of crayons. The color sheets my church uses actually follow the lectionary, so they pertain to the scriptures being used in the liturgy that day, which I’ve always thought was neat. I did a quick search online and there are some here that can be used : http://www.sermons4kids.com/site_map.htm
A couple of MY very favorite picture books and kids stories (hehe) include “The Miracle of St. Nicholas” and also “Verenka” by Bernedette. That last one is absolutely gorgeous and actually has inspired me as an artist. I believe the St. Nicholas one is done in egg tempra like icons (its about an icon and a Russian church after communism) As you might have guessed….I get romanced by good pictures 😉
Thank you for that link, Heather! I’ll probably use it for my oldest (who’s five today!). He tends to get bored quickly at Mass, unfortunately. 🙁
Heather that would be amazing! I am obsessed with your paintings…as you know 🙂
http://www.amazon.com/Lift-Flap-Bible-Sally-Lloyd/dp/0794422780
This is a favorite with my kids.
Ohh, my son loves Lift the Flap books, I think I’ll add this to our collection.
I need to pin this list of books, it’s always good to find nice ones with pretty illustrations, though we already have most of those Brundage books, there was a bit of a shopping spree at the local Catholic shop one day and you can never have too much Tomie de Paula!
“You can never have too much Tomie dePaola!” My thoughts EXACTLY, Stella! P.S. I love your name. My littlest’s middle name is Stellamaris and I call her Gwen Stella all the time. 🙂
http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Name-Teaching-Language-Faith/dp/1932350306
This is the bestest Mass book ever. There are artists who come close, but ultimately Fra Angelico comes out on top every time. We don’t have bags though. Our oldest (6) has his missal and each of the younger kids get one book each. If they didn’t each have one there would be too much fighting, but giving too many options leaves to fighting too. And for us taking an infant to the back, or to a rocker in the cry room if there is one, works well for us. I’ve nursed in the pew before, but then the toddler just starts climbing all over me. Removing myself and the baby often works best for us.
Oh! Thanks for sharing!
Sounds like we have very similar Mass time philosophies! We have a few books on your list, but I’ll be sure to check out some of the others–my kids always appreciate having a new one in the rotation! Growing up, my church provided books for kids to read during Mass, and then our family bought some as well. They were the St. Joseph picture books (link for some of them: http://www.amazon.com/St-Joseph-Picture-Books-Set/dp/0899423000) and my kids still love those best of our other ones… maybe they like the pretty pictures?
Your suggestions are right on point. Since Daddy usually works on Sundays, I have been taking our brood to Mass mostly by myself for 6+ years. Because of this, I usually sit in the pew with the concrete pillar on the other side to help keep everyone contained. Although there are plenty of moments where it can be frustrating to keep everyone relatively quiet & behaved, the long-term benefits far outweigh them! Love the idea of adding holy cards to the mass bag. We also have mass books that I make with my First Communion religious ed class every year & I’ve made one for each of my kids, so they can flip through it & follow along.
Jessica, what types of things have you put in the First Communion mass books you make? I like the idea of making something for my kids to look at. 🙂
The book is a step-by-step guide for kids to follow along with the mass. It was an idea that another Rel. Ed. teacher gave me. I buy blank books & let the kids decorate the covers with crosses, doves, altars, etc. & title it “My Mass Book.” Then, I have print outs of the different parts of masses, the responses & a few pictures. As we work through the mass during class, we complete each portion of the book. By the end of the year, the kids have a great tool to take to mass to help them remember our discussions & be able to follow along. Plus, it’s a great keepsake!
You are a rockstar for single parenting at Mass while Daddy works! I am so anxious when I take the kids to Mass by myself. There just doesn’t seem to be enough hands!
As a Grandmother of 4 little ones, we often take one or two with us to Mass. We always have a Mass bag with books and pencils and a spiral notebook. I have found that if I draw a picture of the crucifix or candles and point them out to the little ones they start looking around and notice more candles and crosses. They then try to draw pictures of what they are looking at. We also have beautiful stained glass windows and two rose windows that they try and duplicate, sometimes with funny outcomes. Wish more parents would do the Mass bag idea.
I like that idea, Sheila!
I introduced mass bags to our parish. A bundle of them sit on the trolley at the entrance for children to take. Our parish priest loves watching the girls pick one to match their outfit! I included a colouring in page complementing the gospel and a bundle of primary colour pencils. Been doing it for 10 years now and continue to be popular.
Prayer for a Child is one of my favorite children’s books. I may have purchased three copies… It has been well loved!
There is a parish in Missouri that has a teeny, tiny cry room with only enough space for a few rocking chairs. No toys. Religious pictures on the walls. It has dimmed lights so babies can fall asleep. It’s soundproof with speakers that can be adjusted. And it still has a good view of the alter. It’s basically my dream cry room because my kids do NOT fall asleep in my arms in Mass, even when they’re only a month old!
That does sound like a dreamy cry room 🙂
Yep, Mass rolls pretty well the same in our house! My 3 year old’s favourite book is the Picture Book of the Saints (http://www.amazon.ca/Picture-Book-Saints-Lawrence-Lovasik/dp/0899422357/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409158540&sr=8-1&keywords=picture+book+of+saints). He loves to find the saint of the day or his personal favourite (Dominic Savio). We also love the Magnificat books for kids!
I was in Mass one night and the family in front of us brought out the Cheetos. I don’t mind Cheerios or such, but I wasn’t exactly smelling the essence of Christ that night, but instead a fake cheese smell while watching a toddler with day-glo orange fingers touch the hymnals.
Thank you so much for this book list! Also, your tips are so encouraging. My husband and I were invited to be on the Baptism team for our parish because we can share our experience with wrangling our two year old every Sunday. I think your post would be so helpful to our parish parents. Would you mind if I shared it with them?
I’d be honored, Jess!
Thanks for this! My 13-month old is in a pretty squirmy stage… but he loves books, so I’m going to pick up a few of these!
Our church doesn’t have a cry room (just a vestibule in the back that is separated by some glass doors), so children are very welcome in Mass, which is great… and exactly how it should be, I think!
BUT, my husband and I were recently on vacation in Florida, and we attended Mass at church we’d never been to before… and we felt SO unwelcome with our little guy! Not once, but THREE TIMES from the moment we walked in the door, ushers and random churchgoers told us where the cry room was located. Then the deacon announced, before the service started, that “restless children” should be taken to the cry room. We knew this announcement was meant specifically for us, since we were the only family with a child under the age of 8 or 10. The minute our little guy started shrieking (out of happiness – he likes the music!), we took him back there, to avoid dirty looks. It was really uncomfortable and just a bad experience altogether. 🙁
We had that same experience on vacation. I told one lady thank you very much, but our children like to be a part of the mass and we only take them out if they act up.
Ugh, sorry about your bad experience. I love parishes that don’t have cry rooms because then there’s no expectation that you should take a well-behaved child there 🙂
These are great suggestions, and what a wonderful book list! I’m so glad you shared your favorites. Do you have any of the Maite Roche books? Our favorite is My First Pictures of Jesus- it is so beautiful (and perfect for little ones who are just starting to know him).
I don’t have the Maite Roche books! I’ll have to check ’em out!
Several people have talked about prayer/mass cards on a ring. Am I missing these? What are they? and where can I get them!
I don’t have them set up like that, but it sounds like a great idea. Some friends of mine laminate them and put them on a ring so the child can flip through without getting the cards everywhere.
Amen! We are the same way, no back of the Church for our crazy lady unless it is an absolute must! A couple of weeks ago it was, she was soooo loud during the consecration. As I stood up to leave she yelled, Bye Bye see you later! Ugh, why we don’t leave unless it’s an absolute must! Look forward to looking into some of those books, although since we are in the throwing stage of life it will be a couple of months before we bring anything to Mass with us….
We have all the same rules! Although we are taking a break from books as we go through the “I like to throw everything in my hand” stage. Excited to look through your book list for when we are ready to bring them again!
I make a point of noticing when my children are behaving well at Mass and giving them praise. Sometimes simply whispering, “I like the way you are kneeling” or “You are doing a great job being quiet” makes such and impact.
That makes a big impact on my 2yo…..not so much on my 5yo who is…ahem…internally motivated. 😉
I’m actually Lutheran, but I LOVE these tips. Our church is very kid-friendly during services and I really want my one year old to grow up actually going to church, not just going to the nursery (which I’m fully supportive of, I just personally feel like it would be a hard habit to break when she gets older). My sisters and I had little church bags when we were growing up and when my daughter gets a little older, she will too. It’s encouraging to see other families who also feel this is important, but recognize that it can be really hard to do! Thank you!
Love that, Lauren!
I’m not a mom, so I’ve only been in a cry room when I’ve been helping families out, but my parish’s is fairly nice. It’s got regular pews with kneelers like the main church, as well as two of the movable kneelers without seats (not sure what they’re called) up against the all-glass window so everyone can see what’s happening at Mass. There aren’t any toys, but there are some religious picture books. The only slightly-awkward part is that the line for confession is right in front of the window, so you have to look over some heads.
My Prayer Book: Jesus Good Shepherd~A Picture Book for His Lambs
http://miqcenter.com/shop/books/MQC00700-my-prayer-book-jesus-good-shepherda-picture-book-for-his-lambs
http://www.amazon.com/Lift-Look-Jesus-Loves-Me/dp/0784716501 This was a great one when our kids were little – foam doesn’t make noise on the pew, and 4 pieces pop in and out of 4 really basic NT moments of Christ to familiarize the young child. Love. (It did get a little ragged and chewed over time…signs of love!)
I also LOVE the “My Bible Friends” series by Etta Degering. It looks dated, but she is so faithful to scripture while including thoughtful details to make sense to children. It has such a calming effect (on me?! lol) to read her narrations and though it’s probably better for bedtime than Mass, once they are familiar with the stories (both New and Old Testament), the lovely realistic illustrations (ok, save the 60’s hairstyles on the ladies of Queen Esther’s Court, lol!) will evoke the memories of the narrations. So lovely.
We have a generally similar approach to Mass but I’ve gone back and forth over the years with some of the standards and to whom they apply. More and more I’ve realized how much I set the tone with my own attentiveness to the Mass but also acceptance of their limitations. Way more art than science! Great guidelines.
I always love finding new books for our Mass bag – thank you!! My favorite DIY has been to make picture books for our toddlers with photos from our parish. I take pictures after Mass throughout the liturgical year so that we can have shots with all the liturgical colors in them, and then I take pictures of everything kids see in church (altar, ambo, font, stained glass windows, crucifix, etc.). I stick all these in a small photo album, along with extra photos from each child’s baptism so that we can make connections between their special days and what happens when we see new babies baptized, etc. Super easy! Here’s a pic if anyone’s interested: http://motheringspirit.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/parenting-hacks-of-faith-what-are-your-tips-for-church/
I also LOVE the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd book “A is for Altar, B is for Bible”: http://www.amazon.com/Is-Altar-Bible/dp/1568544588
To date this book has entertained every age from baby through independent reader – so much good stuff here!
Thank you for this post, perfect timing for me! We stopped bringing toys to Mass about a year ago when my oldest turned 2. Now I am trying to decide what is acceptable behavior and what is not, so I really appreciate your tips of what you expect at each age! I’m afraid of how distracting she will be (to my husband and i as well as those around us) with a Mass bag, but she’s already pretty distracting as it is! Do you have an age cutoff for the bag?
Oh, girl. I AGREE about the Cry Room. I’m sorry…but what a waste of good space when it is not being used the way it should be… How on EARTH are you supposed to teach your kids about how to act at Mass??? It is IMPOSSIBLE. The cry rooms are either filled with kids playing and being loud (ok…kids are loud, but I ‘m mean over the top and not using an “inside voice” as best they can) and not learning. Then you have the cry room that has turned into the mom hangout to catch up on the latest whatever because you can’t do that during the week. And then you even have the cry room that has been taken over by the elderly folk because they said so. So, the cry room is absolutely NOT allowed.
And absolutely no snacks/drinks…
My 5 yo and 3yo attend Mass with us and there was this article on CatholicMom.com that had the different ages listed out about what they should/should not be doing at Mass…prayers they should know…etc. Great post! *http://catholicmom.com/2013/05/22/keeping-your-children-in-mass-a-how-to-guide-from-birth-to-age-5/)
Now, I will admit…I do take my 9 month old to the Nursery… GASP! But, I just am not at a comfortable point yet for him to also attend. My 3yp still gives me trouble… But, he will start coming when he turns 3. For now, he will stay in the nursery until he can attend the Growing with God class at age 2. The other 2 attend the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd class before/after Mass.
So much learning!!
Good jop, mamas!
🙂 Thank you. I mentioned your post in my own blog today. I really appreciate your helpful guidance!
I’m the Mother of 5 grown children and grandmother to 6 under 4 with 2 more on the way. Last weekend my 4th child was married and all the grandchildren were in the wedding. They did very well walking down the aisle and our Bishop who celebrated the Mass (and the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony) said to my daughter and her new husband that he hoped they would always be blessed to hear the sweet sounds of little children like we were hearing at that moment. They thankfully weren’t screaming sounds, just the normal sounds that little ones make. Such a happy day!
At Mass the next day, 3 of my grandchildren, a pair of twins (boy and girl) and their cousin all around 18 months, sat in the pew next to me going through my purse – an improvised Mass bag. Take the Rosary’s out, kiss the picture of Mary, read the Rosary pamphlet for children upside down, then put it all back in and start over. Occasionally they would look up, point toward the altar and say something that sounded like Jesus.
As you can tell, I’m proud of my children for keeping their children in Mass even though at times it is trying. We sat in the front pews as they were growing up and did much of what you suggested. Not always perfect but eventually it stuck. No cry room, just the vestibule for when they were not cooperating.
One thing that I did besides Mass or Saint books was to take Holy Cards and put them in a soft photo book. We amassed quite a collection.
Thank you for your book list, I’m buying books for them for a Mass bag this year and my daughter with twins, Benedict and Sophia, specifically asked for Angel in the Waters (she’s due in February) and The Holy Twins.
My son’s little boy, John Marie, loves to sing, especially when he hears Daddy singing in the Schola. Pretty much in tune for a little guy! Do you know of any children’s books about St. John Marie Vianney?
Have a Blessed Advent!
Ah… but what do you do if your parish HAS a cry room which is generally populated by all the specimens you list above… and your priest INSISTS that all children who ever so much as PEEP in Mass absolutely MUST be in said rooms? It’s so disheartening that we’ve been Catholic vagabonds going to all manner of other parishes besides our own for the past 5 months or so. Do you think this is something permanently worth switching parishes for? Or, just sit near the exit and keep escaping when child makes a noise?
We are in the same boat. Our parish priest stops his homily, Eucharistic Prayer, or whatever he is doing and stares at the family until, inevitably, they remove themselves. It’s never actually happened to me personally, but I’ve witnessed this (I don’t know what else to call it besides) parent-shaming five times, and once was a mom with three kids my kids’ ages, and she was there without her husband. It’s not easy to quickly pop outside the sanctuary when you have to carry two toddlers and a newborn–one of whom has reached his limit. Anyhow, I just sat there crying for that mom. I haven’t seen her since. That being said, the past couple of months we have been going to Mass at my parents’ parish 15 minutes away or at one in midtown 35 minutes away that is just FULL of bustling young families. What a WORLD of difference it has made! Our kids even behave better probably because my husband and I aren’t tense throughout every second of every Mass, worried that our children will act like (shock!) children. I don’t think I’m exaggerating to say it’s been pretty life changing. I have found my love for the Mass again, whereas at my original home parish, I dreaded every single Sunday. And then felt guilty, of course, because I *know* it’s not about what I get out of the Mass but what I put in, but I was just burned completely out. I wasn’t able to be *in the Mass* to put anything in. Clearly, I need to pray more fervently for my own ability to recognize Christ’s Presence there and in every Mass, and also for the families at my home parish and the priests as well. I know we can’t pray enough for our priests especially. To be fair, he, like most people, is actually great with children. Except toddlers. 🙂
Thank you for your wonderful Mass bag suggestions. My little boy (age 3) will be attending Mass with me once I convert. My main concern was not being able to have him by my side at Mass.He is a beautiful, intelligent little boy on the wait-list for an autism assessment. I know once we begin attending Mass the change in routine on Sunday’s may be challenging for him at first. With this bag I know he will be excited about going to flip through these beautiful board books.
I am in love with this book right now for my two year old.
https://www.amazon.com/Missal-Toddlers-Magnificat/dp/1621641341/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1484671485&sr=8-1&keywords=missal+for+toddlers
He also loves playing with this:
https://www.amazon.com/My-Little-Church-Magnet-Set/dp/B01HVXLQ6K/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1484672288&sr=8-3&keywords=wee+believers
I rotate books by Maite Roche in as well so he doesn’t get bored with the same books.
A couple other books that we enjoy are “The Monk’s Daily Bread”
https://www.amazon.com/Monks-Daily-Bread-Sylvia-Dorham-ebook/dp/B01ADWS0Y2/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1484672388&sr=8-9&keywords=monk%27s+bread
& ” My First Catechism” https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1586176552/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
We share very similar mass expectations—minus the Cheerios part. ? They were a lifesaver in little snack trap cups for ours when they were 1-2 years old.
Not sure if this idea has been mentioned, but a parish we visited had “I Spy” types books with actual pictures of things around the church for kids to find during mass. Crucifix, tabernacle, statues, stained glass, etc. they were just photos slipped in one of those cheapy photo books.
Also, Dollar Tree often has religious board books and coloring books. I even found some cute mini board books (~3×3) on the lives of different saints and people from familiar bible stories.
We’ve had success with getting a little older kids to focus by printing off a paper with words like God, Jesus, holy and other words specific to the readings that week. They keep tally of how many times they hear a certain word.
I like to make new catholic mamas a Mass Bag for when baby gets older. I just buy a plain little tote or small back pack and sew a cross decal on the front. I print off “__________’s Mass Bag” on a piece of card stock and laminate and attach with a ring or slip into a photo keychain and attach to the handle.
Inside I include a snack trap cup ?, small doodle board (the kind you slide the thingy to erase), crayons, religious coloring book, 2-3 religious books, child’s rosary and/or a couple small saint figurines.