I was so excited when my daughters were old enough to take ballet classes. Dance was such a precious part of my girlhood. I studied ballet from elementary school through high school, performing in ballet companies and musical theatre productions. I rediscovered ballet after my oldest child was born when I started teaching at my former studio and working as a rehearsal assistant for the ballet company.
The opening notes of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker raise my blood pressure as years of memories of waiting in the wings ready to emerge as a toy soldier, a party guest, or Clara rush back to me. It’s in my bones and I was thrilled when my oldest daughter was absolutely overcome with love for ballet. She danced through the house, wore her leotard and tights everywhere, and insisted on listening to classical music at all times. I adored watching her love it all.
When we moved to a different state, I knew it might be a task finding a good studio. All ballet classes are not created equal. I asked around and settled on what seemed to be the most professional studio with the best training. Unfortunately, the class my daughters were placed in was underwhelming.
They were losing interest. But we had already paid for recital costumes and I was going to insist they finish out the year–that is until I watched them learning their ballet recital dance through the observation window. It started with their backs to the mirror (or audience), hands on their hips, shaking their little booties.
I’m just gonna state the obvious that shaking your butt at the audience isn’t ballet, not by any stretch of the imagination. And maybe I’m in the minority here, but I don’t think sexualizing small children is “cute.” Cute is little ballerinas chasse-ing across the stage and plie-ing at the wrong time and you say “aw.” Cute is not sexualized movement imposed on small children who don’t understand what they’re doing.
For anyone who has spent time in the dance world, it’s well-known that it’s difficult to find studios that continue teaching age appropriate choreography to the 12 and older crowd. But let me remind you that my daughters are THREE and FIVE. Even toddlers aren’t safe from being sexualized?!
I’m not okay with someone sexualizing my small children, but I’m even less okay with paying someone a hefty monthly fee to do it.
When class was over I tried not to freak out. I helped the girls get their sneakers on, packed up their ballet shoes in the dance bag, and didn’t mention the recital dance on the way home. They chatted in their car seats and I decided to discuss the situation with Daniel before saying anything to them or to the studio.
We brainstormed some options. Maybe I could discuss my concerns with the teacher about the choreography or move them to a different class? Maybe we should just let it go and find a different studio for the next year? The girls were excited about the recital and we didn’t want to raise a big stink unless we were sure it was worth it. Was I making a big deal out of nothing? We decided to sleep on it.
A couple of days later my five-year-old was chattering to me about the chalk picture she was drawing on the concrete and then began a new topic.
“Mama……I don’t like my recital dance. My teacher told me to shake my booty at the mirror, but that makes me feel embarrassed. I don’t want to do that, but she said I had to because it’s our recital dance. Do I really have to?”
OH HELL NO….is not what I said, but certainly what I thought.
“Of course not, babe. You don’t EVER have to do anything with your body that makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if someone tells you you’re supposed to. If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable or scared, you can ALWAYS say “no.” And you can always tell Mom or Dad if someone’s asking you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable and we will make sure it never happens again.”
“Oh good! Do I have to keep going to that class?”
“No. You don’t have to keep going.”
And then I sent an email to the studio and pulled them out of class.
Having a class without great instruction isn’t ideal. Choreography that sexualizes toddler and young children is unacceptable. But training kids to ignore their inner voice about things pertaining to their bodies that make them uncomfortable is downright dangerous. I want to teach my kids to LISTEN to their intuition, not be taught to ignore it.
God forbid my kids encounter someone who would want to cause them harm. I don’t like to think about it and you probably don’t want to dwell on it either. But let’s get real: sexual abuse happens. It happens all the time. While we can’t protect our children from everything no matter how vigilant we are, we can help them avoid dangers by teaching them to pay attention if they feel uncomfortable about what someone is asking them to do with their body–even if that person is a teacher or someone they think they should be able to trust. And to tell a parent about it immediately.
So we didn’t go back. My five-year-old started Jiu Jitsu the next week and is the fiercest little ninja on the mat, or in her words, “warrior princess.” She loves it and I adore watching her love it.
I know there are good teachers and good studios out there (although few and far between) that teach beautiful movement that’s respectful of their students and of ballet itself. I’ve taught for amazing studios like that and trained with them. But I’d really appreciate it if dance culture could just STOP sexualizing young girls so my daughters could enjoy pursuing all their interests. I’m trying to put together a free community ballet class so they can at least keep up their training a little bit and have fun with some other kids–although, admittedly, dance class isn’t as exciting if your mom is the teacher.
Someday I hope we can find a good studio. But until then, we’re gonna pass. And in the meantime my warrior princesses will have some training in martial arts in case they’re ever asked to do something with their bodies that makes their internal radar go off again. I would watch out. Though they be but little, they are fierce.
Psst! Now through May 6th the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle sale is here! They handpick ebooks, ecourses, printables and more from great writers, bloggers, and online influencers to create a helpful and inspiring collection at an unbeatable price.
When you buy the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle you’ll get access to:
- 27 eBooks (including mine on motherhood)
- 30 eCourses & videos
- 25 printables
- 16 workbooks
- 3 summits
- 2 membership sites
- Fabulous bonuses (like You Need a Budget membership, free handmade soap and lip balm, free mineral makeup, free children’s books, and much more!)
The creators behind these resources are 100+ women who have struggled with the same things as you, but strive (and will teach you) to simplify their homes, declutter & organize, put healthy meals on the table, nurture strong family relationships, and practice good self-care.
Best of all, you can get all 104 resources for just $29.97.
Many of the INDIVIDUAL products included in the bundle cost more than this if bought separately with the total value of the 104 products included being $2,294.37. So it is truly the steal of the year with contributions from Erin Odom of The Humbled Homemaker, Kendra Adachi of The Lazy Genius and so many more!
But the sale ends May 6th! So run, don’t walk, to the bundle site to see all the great books and resources that are included to inspire and encourage you in your homemaking.
I totally agree with you Haley. It’s so disappointing that this has become the norm in ballet schools.
When I learned ballet from the early 70’s -mid 80’s, it was about the form & the steps & beauty. We wore ballet costumes & danced to classical music. and had a real pianist accompanying our classes.
I am now a costume designer, as my knees refused to let me continue to my dream of a professional ballet career in my late teens. I love contemporary ballet & I love what they did in ‘Centre Stage’, using contemporary music, but the sexualisation of children & young teens in dance classes is completely inappropriate.
I stopped working with one director after I was expected to recreate a similar design as the professional show, for our high school production of Chicago. I have no idea how this choice of musical was allowed at a Baptist school to begin with, however I was assured I could design tasteful costumes, but as the rehearsal period progressed I was ‘encouraged’ to make the costumes skimpier & more inappropriate. I ended up breaking down in tears in front of the students that were balking at sheer skimpy costumes.
I’m glad your beautiful girls understand what real ballet is, & it’s not shaking your bootie.
It really says something when the girls are bulking at the costumes. Wish more adults would listen to the kids when the kids are saying no this doesn’t feel good.
You are all so right. We have to live in the world but not be of it and listen to our kids even when we think we are right, there maybe more to learn than we even realize. Kids are barometers and everyone is right to listen to them and come up with plans that are in the best interest of everyone without controversy, rate-G and in the best interest of the child to keep them safe of the body, mind and soul. I found getting involved and getting to know people to be the way to go, otherwise in our small upstate NY community you end up being a hermit with your kids, and that does not work out well. For us we got involved with scouting, 4H, church youth group, library, a Community Christmas Event, and our local Arts Council, and animal shelter, where we could volunteer, lead and get involved. There were many things along each path that called us to discuss, consider, change or just guide those that were not knowing of the full effect of their actions. Most often we got change and protected the kids and community, once in a great while we scared off monster predators setting up kids for the fall. I never regretting doing it, scary yes, but God was driving and we prayed on all of it. When you get involved, even if you pay for it businesses want to continue, and in this economy controversy =doom. Look at any company that gets controversial and they pay for it, sometimes right away, sometimes after a while but always God wins! Godspeed ladies and bless all of you for being so faithful and having a soul!
This is NOT indicative of all ballet classes and I feel the title of this article should be changed. Shaking one’s booty is not ballet!! My daughters took ballet for years, one was even a dance major!!
Why should it be changed? Her daughters were enrolled in a BALLET class.
Agreed!!! This is her particular situation. My daughter’s studio is nothing like the studio she had her girls at. My daughter loves it and it’s very age appropriate. I’d look at the owner(s) of each studio and get a feel for them before I committed to any studio, as I have done. We love where we go!
This is not just happening in the ballet world either. My 5 year old grand daughter dances at a studio and on a travel team. Her dances include tap, jazz and ballet. The sexualizattion of these children begins at 3 or 4 and continues on. My precious grand daughter wears false eye lashes and lots of makeup at the recitals. The parents hoop and holler as these little ones shake and shimmy like Las Vegas dancers. It makes me ill. I cannot go anymore. I am in disbelief that my son and daughter in law are oblivious. Where is the outrage? Parents don’t seem to want to say no to their children. Who is preserving their innocence? My heart breaks.
I understand your the grandparent, not the parent. My daughter switched to a non-compete school. They ‘travel’, as in they do ballet at the local nursing home. Community service looks better on a college resume, then competition. Plus they are there no more than two hours, and I have my weekday back. I don; t know how parents get sucked into this either.
AMEN
Sexualization in the form of dance moves is completely wrong. I agree. Just so you know though, dancer wear so much makeup because the stage lights drown out their faces if they dont. Thats why they wear so much eye makeup and bright lipstick. Its kind of necessary (unless they are on a stage without special lighting, although if they are on travel it is likely that they compete on stages with lighting). The skimpy and short outifts, however, are not necessary due to lighting purposes.
Shaking your booty is not ballet. It’s supposed to be ballet, not disco. You did the right thing in taking your daughters out of that ballet class. You should report it to the authorities.
What? For some kids shaking their butts? Nobody is going to arrest the teacher for what IS a dance move, even if it’s not a classical ballet dance move. Be serious here. I understand that you find it offensive, but it’s not illegal, nor should it be. Don’t want your kid doing that? Fine, pull them. But to make hysterical accusations over it is nuts, and exactly why Christians are given the hairy eye so much. Unwarranted hysteria.
The author never claims that it is illegal. She understands many people dont have a problem with it. She didnt try to start an outrage amongst parent or even talk to the teachers about changing it. She had a problem so she took her daighters out of the situation. Why does that offend you? Why do her daughters need to be shaking theor butts for you to be happy and not complain? Btw, shaking your butt definitely is NOT a ballet move. It is a dance move, but so is twerking. That doesnt mean it belongs in a ballet dance, regardless of the age but especially for little girls. Ballet is about technique and preparing girls for beautiful dances, not MTV.
Pretty obvious that tabby was replying to Mike’s comment.
I’m really glad I read this article because the idea of a child feeling embarrassed about having to do a certain dance, especially in the context of children being sexualized, is wrong. If they don’t care about the class, that’s one thing. But if they feel that they’re being made to do something they don’t feel good about, that’s the time for a trusted adult to stick up for them. As an aside, I was surprised, honestly, about how straightforward this article was, coming from a Christian perspective. I’m not a Christian, and what I found so refreshing about this article was that the fact that it wasn’t saying that God or Jesus would think it was sinful – it was about doing right by the child. I’m not religious in the least and I will say you did a wonderful job of raising awareness about this issue. Thank you.
Im happy you pointed that out. The media and other people make it seem that all christians do is preach about God. There are some people that do and that is their perogative. That is not all christians though. Some just stand by their morals (and since they dont mention God people dont mnow they are christian). The ones who do mention God get labeled “God freaks” as if its a bad thing to have beliefs in something greater than yourself or have morals. O e of the biggest problems with this world is that someone can be called a “slut shamer” if they talk about someone with very “loose/liberal” values, yet someone who believes in agod can get shamed. It is very backwards..
that isn’t ballet they were they were teaching your kids…ballet isn’t like that.
This is exactly why we decided to put our daughter in karate instead of dance. We found a really great dojo that focuses on empowering their kids and building their character and making them responsible members of the community. I couldn’t’ find a dance studio in my area that wasn’t competitive and strict with even their youngest students (2 and 3 year olds). My daughter’s turning four and has started asking to go to dance class. While I know dance can be fun I know it’s also a body issues minefield and I wouldn’t want her to loose all the self confidence she’s built up! We’d have to look outside our area to find a place if she continues asking.
We really love our jiu jitsu academy! I’m grateful we found something else for them to enjoy, but I’m just so sad for them to miss out on ballet. But yes, good point about body issues. I had the most WONDERFUL ballet company to grow up in that nurtured their dancers and promoted healthy body image. But that’s not typical.
This is the same reason we stopped gymnastics. Four of my five kiddos are now in Jujitsu and love it! Character, strength, self confidence is what we are choosing to focus on.
A great place to start is with material from musicworksunlimited.com. Becca Retter has amazing preschool and early level material for both teaching and performance. If you tapped in your past, you very well may have been trained with Al Gilbert’s technique. He always spoke the steps on one track to make it easier to memorize the choreography, and then there would be a performance track, with no voice. Anyway, Becca was his protege, and when he passed, she took on his legacy. Musicworks owns Al Gilbert’s material. Becca has taken much of it and updated it with more upbeat music. There is material for ballet, tap and jazz by Al and Becca. I also use material from MWU for my advanced Tap and Jazz classes. The lyrics are always age appropriate, and when I use choreographed songs from MWU, they are always appropriate … the only thing I’ve ever changed is a shoulder shimmy, but that was from Al Gilbert, not their current artists. I would highly recommend the Dance Adventure series by Becca Retter if you are wanting to start with preschoolers and Level 1 dancers. Best Wishes!
I agree with you whole heartedly. My daughter danced from the time she was 4. She is know 19 and no longer dances. She loved ballet class and we were fortunate that we had real ballerinas teaching & not former students from the studio. My daughter also as she grew added tap, jazz, contemporary (after 5 yrs of ballet), then hop for fun. Being we homeschooled we danced a lot even into the city. Her studio director wanted us to do competition and I was Leary for that. After going and watching it was about the sexual exploitation of young girls. The ones that were very sexy on stage seemed to win and their songs and dance definitely were not age appropriate. I was embarrassed for that child yet they left with the trophy. It disgusts me where the dance community is going. I made the mistake taking my my daughter out of a ballet school and placing her in a competitive studio. Even though they were good my daughter still went elsewhere for ballet I wanted her to learn to compete since life is competitive. Her senior year she did a musical theatre piece bring on the men for a 18 year old it was ave appropriate then we watched a 7 year old dance to the same music and she was wearing very little clothing and she won in her category and age group. Just WoW! We have discussed competitions should have moral and judges that are professional technical appropriate to critic instead of dancers from so you think you can dance or Sammy Joe who got pregnant nd had to give up her dream of being a ballerina. I’d be in any teacher, director face if my daughter was shaking her butt in a ballet class. Problem is most moms have no clue what technich is or dance. I used to laugh when a new students would do contemporary or lyrical class and never had ballet. How can you do any dance class without knowing technch. Good Luck with your girls and don’t give up ballet helps them with so much in life.
Good for you, Haley. I hope you explained to the school exactly why you were pulling them out. That’s so inappropriate, I am just…the mind boggles.
I did! I sent them a long email….to which they never replied.
You might get further if you forwarded the e-mail to other mothers in the class. I’m not surprised the school didn’t reply, but it would surprise me if you were the only mother with concerns about this (of course, there’s always someone who will say “It’s just innocent and cute! What’s the problem!?). Perhaps knowing that you have pulled your girls out for this reason would give other mothers the courage to do the same? Why does change take so long?!
I know this feeling well! We switched studios when my 4 year old was expected to wear a ‘hair fall’ (a fake acryllic curly ponytail) for her dance numbers. I told the teacher “yeah, no….I’ll just curl her hair.” But I was disturbed that we were expected to not only paint them up in makeup but also add fake hair. When I was in dance, you got two (very very tightly braided!) french braids tucked up at the ends and that was all you needed! We ended up quitting dance all together when by first grade she was expected to commit several nights a week to dance and also do competitions. It was just all TOO MUCH. I hate that every activity these days wants to be the only and all-consuming activity of every kid’s life. I think thats a big part of how kids get stressed and burned out so much.
Oh my. And yes to the overdoing everything with competitions, etc at a young age. I didn’t start dancing with a company when I was 12 and I was homeschooled during middle school so that allowed me mornings to sleep in, etc after late rehearsals. Otherwise it would have felt like a LOT.
Oh my gosh, it IS a lot. Several of our first-time company parents this year aren’t planning to continue. No weekends, multiple days of dance, last-minute notices, extra fees here and there, and an emotionally exhausted second-grader. We never have time to play. Going to the park? Only in the summer. It’s too much.
Sexualization of children aside- which is, of course, a MAJOR problem- it seems like what happened is also indicatory of a society that is constantly settling for the lowest common denominator, with skill sets increasingly including some modern twist or time-saving aspect. Does the teacher even know ballet? Teach ballet and have a separate rumba class, if you want that. I once taught a Latin class to underprivileged students that had something about including ebonics in the job description. What? I’m teaching Latin! Why must the piano recital include a Snoopy song or the knitting class be “speed knitting’?
That would be great if you could teach your girls ballet. At some point, you may be remembered as one of the ones who held strong and passed on a great tradition when (almost) no one else did… 🙂
There’s a community space I could use to teach a neighborhood class….I just need to figure out where to find that extra time to prepare and teach!
I’ve always bulked at the cost associated with dance. Not to mention the time invested. I also wouldn’t want my daughter to feel obligated to stick with something she tried but didn’t like as much as she thought she would because I had paid a fortune for it. I think it’s a wonderful idea to start a cheaper community ballet class. Who knows how many talented little ballerinas you may teach who would otherwise never have gotten a chance to try.
As a girl a local community center offered dance classes that ran in 6 or 12 week sessions. Not only were they cheaper anyway, but the short sessions allowed kids to try it out without it being such a major commitment.
Same for gymnastics, another activity that’s usually outrageously expensive. A more laid back place to try it out before committing to a more professional gym.
Hoping I can find similar things for my kids in the future.
@Haley, they were usually taught by high school and college students, have you thought about looking for someone like that to help out with the teaching and planning?
I teach a class for home schoolers and teach foster children with them, for free. We have no recital or costume but perform at a local retirement village two to three times a year. My daughter attends the very impressive ballet school we have in our town and they give me shoes and Leo’s for my students. I may have them a few months or a few years…several have been adopted.
I danced from age 5 to age 40. I taught from age 33 to 40 after finding a person opening a new studio near my home. I taught classical ballet only until the last year, when I tried a modern ballet class. I was also a full time high school science teacher. It was a lot! I would wake up at 2 am with a good “across the floor” and get up, go to my den, try it and write it down! That happened at least once or twice a week. ” Hoochie coochie” was NEVER acceptable movement!
I worry about this, too. My girls are in a homeschool arts program, and honestly, I’m a little concerned about some of the things I’ve seen (not with the dance portion, so much, but with the lyrics of some of the songs my six year old is learning in her music class). What in the world is wrong with letting littles be little?
Ugh. Why does it have to be so hard to preserve just a few years of carefree childhood?
Especially when there are better, more creative kids songs than ever before!! Look for Justin Roberts, an artist who so clearly remembers how it was to be a kid!! “Pop Fly” even has a video on YouTube.
This happened in my son’s acrobatics class. He was so excited to do circus-like flips and gymnastics but the class turned out to be training for a big performance in which the guys had to take their shirts off and swing them in the air. We were out of there.
Oh. My. Word. I don’t even know what to say!
What a nightmare! You totally did the right thing. I always wanted to take ballet, but there was no good place where I lived. I took tap dancing and tumbling, and quit forever, at age 12, over my discomfort about the way one of the male teachers grabbed me by the crotch when he was supposedly spotting me.
I’m so sorry!
Do you have any professional dance companies in your town? I will only have my daughter take at a school affiliated with a professional dance co for this reason (and for the fact that I want her learning proper dance technique). We have taken for 4 yrs at a professional school. There is none of this, no make up, no competitions. Professional schools don’t do this. Ma and Pa dance schools do! I hope you find a school linked to a professional company for your daughter!
Nope. This one was supposedly the closest to professional in town. It’s surprising because our former town was twice as big but had 4 or 5 professional companies! We don’t even have one 🙁
There are also many “ma and pa” dance schools (not only “professional ballet school”s!) who are very on top of it as far age appropriate music, choreography and costumes. Lumping us all together is not fair. If people want strict ballet training without the costumes and competitions, that’s fine, there are schools for that. “Ballet class” is not a catch all phrase for jazz, tap, lyrical, hip hop, etc. Non dance people don’t understand this. I think of competition the same as I would an All Star sports or travel team, it may not be for everyone, but for those who want a little more than just a recital performance, why not? You can still be tasteful and classy in the competition world. It’s up to the parents ideally to decide what type of dance atmosphere they want for their child, but there are plenty of “ma and pa” studios that are operated by good people who take pride in being family friendly and you can’t lump us all together based on the few who aren’t making good choices. Keep searching for the right place and you might be pleasantly surprised by a good old fashioned neighborhood dance studio.
Professional schools do often do performances and competitions and wear makeup. They wear make up because the lights will drown their faces out. My daughter went to an award winning ballet school. She never competed but she did recitals and the Nutcracker. They never did sexual performances or encouraged sexy make up. Even the boys wore make up on stage it was for theatrical purposes.
YES. I am a dance teacher at a small studio (in MA) – we don’t compete and all of our choreography and songs are age appropriate and family friendly. It’s about teaching kids the art of dance… there are so many ways to move that don’t involve sexualized movements! It saddens me when I see studios where the littles are either not learning much or are learning things that are totally not age appropriate. We need a major overhaul of the dance culture!
Want to move to my town? 😉
One of the issues mentioned “family friendly” choreography is something I completely and totally agree with. My observations, however, over the years has been the acceptance of what is NOW deemed family friendly. American society/culture has lowered their expectations re family friendly. Hip hop and jazz (not quite as much) are particularly prone to this. One need only listen to the lyrics used for hip hop choreography to be aghast!
This is so true. I had a chat with a potential instructor about this once and she got upset with me and said I was basically stifling her creative freedom because I was asking (in a nice way mind you) if the music was age appropriate. The level of appropriateness is definitely not what it used to be. Sad because she was talented, but not open to discussing the matter. Needless to say, I ended up with a different instructor and there was no question about her music selection.
Where in MA?
Tyngsboro
?? Exactly!
Good for you for affirming her inner voice! Good dance schools with age appropriate costumes, coreography and body image are hard to find. We have been so fortunate in ours, been there four years, and I dread having to find a new one when we move this summer. ?
I work as a toddler teacher at a daycare/preschool. Many of the teachers are fond of the phrase “you don’t tell your teacher no.” I understand the sentiment because a defiant toddler yelling no when you ask them to please not climb on the table is not acceptable but I can’t support that phrase. It’s teaching our children as young as 1 or 2 that if someone is in a position of authority you can’t tell them no. I feel that unfortunately this is a dangerous thing to teach them. I haven’t yet found a phrase to replace it but so far I’ve been trying to use “you know the rules and must follow them.” It’s a very scary balancing act to face as both a teacher and a mom, teaching both respect for adults and authority but also the right to be safe.
That’s so tricky, Darci! I really like your phrase about knowing the rules and following them, I think that’s so wise.
I completely agree with you. As a teacher and a parent, I am also against telling children that they shouldn’t tell tales. Sure it can be a little annoying, listening to the list of perceived wrongs, but if you teach children that they are wrong to tell you when something has done something wrong, and that no-one will like them if they do ‘No one likes a tell-tale’, then what will there inner voice tell them when someone does something wrong or inappropriate to them, a sibling, or a friend.
Their!!!
Good for you, Haley! You are right. It has gotten out of control. Thank you for encouraging her internal radar! Our girls and our boys need to hear this message! We quickly learn to silence and/or ignore it in an effort to not make waves, appear difficult, etc. It seems like you might have second guessed your own instincts using such logic and I want to encourage you to always follow them.
I can recommend two great resources. The first is a book I read nearly 20 years ago when I started this motherhood journey, and the message has always stayed with me. It is The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. The second is a podcast I heard last week, interviewing a woman who was sexually abused for many years and has come out of the darkness to help a new generation. Check out the Jocko Podcast # 70. (He also happens to be a Jiu Jitsu fan so he’d give you kudos for that!)
Thanks for reminding all of us to trust our instincts, especially our mommy radar!!
“And then I sent an email to the studio and pulled them out of class.” … an email?? WHY?? I think I appreciate your measured response, but it very likely didn’t make a dent in the psyche of the instructresses.
My “Y” response: calmly, but forcefully, take myself to the studio and ‘splain (face-2-face), in frank and direct/plain language, why my daughters will no longer be part of their “booty” class. There’s more… but I think you see the principle here.
The email was directed to the owner of the studio, not the instructor. If she has no problem losing students over this, then I doubt talking to the teacher would change much, but sure, maybe that would have been better.
Haley, if your girls or boy ever want to try out gymnastics, I highly recommend Sokol in West. My daughter did gym there from age 7 or 8 all the way up to helping coach in college. VERY family oriented and age appropriate. Also, strong Czech Catholic roots.
When I owned my dance studio (years before my daughter) I had trouble inforcing my guildlones for dance and costumes……….The younger teachers probably hated me for it. I didn’t even let the preteens dance to Jail House Rock – Why celebrate being in jail? It is amazing what is now seem as appropriate. I now teach at a professional studio that has none of this nonsense.
Oh I am sad for you that you’re stuck with the mainstream dance norm near you. We are so, so lucky to have an awesome studio a half block away that doesn’t compete in those awful shows and focuses on proper technique. They have them wear class leotards with a simple tutu for recitals with simple makeup, no glitter, and no booty shaking (they even banned “booty shorts” in the studio for the older girls, insisting on leotards).
We left the park district after being at a recital where 7 year olds were twerking to Cruella DeVille… No joke, it was awful.
Maybe you’re being called to open a children’s dance company? 😉 I’ve always enjoyed reading about your experience in ballet and dance. You would be a gift to your community!
One form of dance that has avoided being sexualized and is tons of fun – Irish step dancing. I love it–the music excites me in the same way you described the “Nutcracker.” Hopefully, other schools of dance will pay attention to your concern, one that I have too. I love dance so much, all forms – hip hop, tap, swing – but I have seen far too many children’s concerts to know that most have become sexualized, and terribly awkward to watch. Adults need to stand up for children who feel compelled to please their instructor and conform to today’s seemingly majority expectation of them.
I was very lucky that there was a strong Christian woman who taught at the studio where my daughter was studying. When that teacher decided she needed to part ways with the studio and opened her own, we followed. The recitals at the new studio always included a couple numbers that were overtly Christian in their message. It was like going on a little retreat! And I never had to worry about the appropriateness of the songs, the costumes, or the life lessons being taught there.
I’m a secular feminist and you’ve totally hit on a place overlap in the venn diagram of parental concerns. My daughter did a dance program and while I was happy with the choices her teacher made, I pulled her after seeing the recital. Of all the choices of music and moves, why would you have young girls shaking what they don’t have to It’s Raining Men or to a sultry jazz number (and the song was lovely, but not appropriate for a young child). I know many parents (and grandparents) shared my concerns. It would be great if we could put some collective pressure on studios.
Liberal Christian feminist and right there with you.
Might I recommend a form of dance that’s pretty much impossible to sexualize — Irish step dancing! You don’t move your body from the waist up AT ALL and the costumes are usually very modest. There is the whole other issue of beauty pageant type hair, makeup and tanning at feisanna (competitions) these days, but that’s why I personally stick with non-competitive dancing. The schools are harder to find but they are out there. I have found Irish dance to be very popular among homeschoolers because of the modesty issue.
This is excellent, Haley. You’ve written this so well and I agree with your points 100%. Thank you for being bold in sharing and in protecting your children.
-Bleubird Mama
We are super lucky that a home school family facing this same dilemma opened up their own studio 5 years ago, their oldest daughters as teachers. My 5 year old danced to Gungor’s “Beautiful Things” and tears streamed down my face as I saw her dancing to truth and creating beauty in movement.
However there is a trade off: the studio separates by age and not skill. By sheer chance (I have w left feet) I have a daughter who has been passionate about ballet since she was 2! And she is gooood at it. My high spirited, strong willed child is focused and obliging in the studio. So even though I love the culture and people, I doubt I will stay long term.
I danced through college and had a lot of mixed emotions about enrolling my daughter in ballet. I was very nervous that I would put pressure on her because it was such a passion for me growing up. We live in Southern California and I have not been able to find anything age appropriate for my daughter. The first studio just wasn’t good. The second we tried was fine until we saw the recital and what the girls a few years ahead of her were wearing and doing. The third studio managed to minimize the burlesque style ballet but put a ton of pressure on us to join the competition team and dance multiple times a week, and the prices were astronomical. I think the Holy Spirit has guided our family and right now she is doing gymnastics. Recently I heard about a Christian dance studio in our community so if her interest returns we’ll be headed there.
As previous commenters have noted I am really turned off by the trend of activities that monopolize the child’s time & the parents’ wallets, and introduce the concept of competition at such a young age. I’m not sure what the future will be like for my children who are not being raised to be competitive. Right now it feels like we are alone in not jumping into hyper competitive activities.
I think, sometime in the near future, it will be an amazing novelty to have any studio at all that emphasizes goodness and beauty. So, get ready everyone, to start a studio in the place where you live! !
Whoa. That is just unreal. My daughter is 17, and has been taking ballet since she was 4. We have never had that experience. We were very, VERY fortunate to find a classical ballet school in NC, and another excellent one when we moved to CO. Maybe look for a classical studio? My daughter prefers Vaganova, but she’s a self-proclaimed ballet nerd, so that may be more than you need to know. 😀
I expect “booty shaking” from more modern dance schools… so odd to hear of that in ballet, even for little people.
My training was mostly in modern (Martha Graham, Merce Cunningham, Paul Taylor, Alvin Ailey, that sort of thing) and it was all about dance as an art form, definitely not “booty shaking” !!
Ballet and dance was a big part of growing up, and while I never felt like I was any good at it at the time, I love it and would totally go to a class myself. We dont live near ballet classes, but I’m so grateful that my girls are able to learn Slovak folk dancing, which fortunately doesn’t lend itself to bootie shaking. When I see little children learning such sexualized movements, I just cringe. As my girls get older, they see it even more and it starts to become the norm, even if it’s not encouraged at home. I just love how you supported her in how she felt uncomfortable about it.
YES!!! I feel the same way, glad I am not the only one. Hence my daughter is too in karate instead!
Oh my goodness, I believe this has infiltrated ballet too! I saw my niece’s tap/jazz/modern recital and was appalled (and she was 6!). But I thought ballet was safe because it’s “classical”?! Oh brother. I’m hoping that Irish Step is still relatively untouched, but I think that will be the limit of my daughter’s dance.
*CAN’T believe.
Applause.
Bravo! Your “mom-dar” is sharp. This culture is frightening (that’s not a strong enough word) and I make no apologies for watch-dogging my four children and keeping them close to home (my “baby” just turned 17; we’re finishing our 18th year of homeschooling). They are all strong and able to stand on their own against the world now. Deo gratias!
Haley – Did you take classes with Mrs. Stuyverson when you lived here in Florida? She chose beautiful Christian songs for the girls to dance to and had such lovely, modest costumes for recitals. I knew even back then (20 years ago) what a rare gem she was!
I’m so thankful that my daughter goes to one of those rare dance schools that are age appropriate in costumes, and music and focuses on the art of dance. We even have a lovely Nutcracker production every year. My 8 year old has danced for 5 and a half years and is crazy about ballet. The thing is that I belong to a couple dance mom groups, And follow a lot of dancers on instagram and realize that the norm is competitions where little dancers sashay into stage swaying their hips while wearing 2 piece burlesque style costumes while making precocious faces in heavy makeup, fake eyelashes, and spray tans. I try so hard not to judge, but coming from a Christian home, I can’t personally condone that for my own daughter. A lot of times it seems that my daughter’s dance education is looked down upon because we don’t follow the normal competition style dance school protocol.
Our dance school in rural Maine is the same way! The teachers focus on the art of dance, and everything is tasteful and classy. The school also has a dance company which does highlights from the Nutcracker, and also does a few dance competitions. This year was my 9-year old daughter’s first experience in a competition, and my first time going to a competition. I am proud to say that our dance company was the only one who had age-appropriate dances and costumes. However, the judges clearly did not appreciate this at all–it was very evident by the scores. It’s like you said–it was looked down upon because we don’t follow the normal competition style. I wish there could be more of a united stand against the over-sexualization, but it seems that we are clearly in the minority. It’s really sad. But I think in time the pendulum will shift, and we just stand our ground in the meantime.
Unfortunately this is a sad case in the industry. I have a ballet school and have had parents come to me with tales such as yours. The culture in our country has taken a back seat to what is appropriate- the greed and what “sells” is shocking.
I worked for a competition studio and the parents laughed when the little ones did what you described in a jazz routine; I did not.
I applaud you for doing what is right for your daughters and hope where you are, you can make a difference and remind people how to grow a beautiful strong young lady.
All the best
Have you considered switching her to that South American martial art? It looks like a form of dance but is a disguised martial art. Sorry that I forgot what its called but it might be a good segue from here that expands her martial arts repertoire while fulfilling her love of dance… It’s something you could look into anyway…
Capoeira. It’s a Brasilian martial art. I don’t know how prominent it is in the States. I didn’t know anything about it until going to Brasil.
THANK YOU so much!! I am one of the studios that consider the child first. It gets increasingly depressing each season as parents allow their children to do more and more inappropriate things for their age. Actually had a parent pull her daughter out of class because she wanted two piece costumes. UMM, yes I don’t allow that. Plus we require dance tights. You would think we were walking around like cavemen at times. SO I sincerely thank you for your story.
I loved your article! As a dance studio owner and teacher, I agree with everything you have said. I would encourage you to check Y.P.A.D. (Youth Protection Advocates in Dance). We are all about protecting children from being sexualized in dance anywhere from choreo, costuming, competitions, etc. YPAD was founded by Leslie Scott. It is an amazing group and I hope you will check us out!!
If you have time I have some questions on this please. Email lemom@ymail.com
Thank you
Amen. We did “secular” ballet for a semester or two with a preschooler, but then moved to a church-run ballet program that was fantastic. My girls participated for several years and it was such a beautifully-run program that focused on the right things. Ours was called Doxa, but I understand that it is a growing trend and there may be networks to find such things in your city. Here’s the website for ours in case it helps you! https://doxadance.com/
Oh I soo empathize, for many years my girls did not get to do dance due the huge sexualization of the girls in our local dance school. Three year olds, looking sexy, doing sexy moves in public performances, and I know all sorts of people from all sorts of walks of life not happy.
Two years ago a new dance school opened and finally I was happy, finally our dancing girl got to dance at the ripe age of 13. At first we began with just ballet cause I knew that was safe (well so I thought, and luckily I was right!) Then at the end of year concert when I saw the jazz ballet juniors dance in super hero costumes with non-provocative moves I was sold and our now 15 yr old gets to do jazz ballet too. I don’t find the moves overly sexy, maybe a little more that the juniors but not bad at all.
So grateful, and the dance school is filling in droves, people are sick of sexy, they’re voting with their feet
Ugh…yes! Listening to one of my coworkers describe her 11 year old’s dance costumes & recitals was quite eye opening for me. I put my children in Ukrainian dance instead, when we had the opportunity, and aside from being happy that they’d get to know my family’s culture I also knew that I wasn’t going to have to worry about my little ones being sexualized (recital costumes being comprised of voluminous dresses & headscarves, lol).
That said, now that we’re living in a new country and dealing with a different culture I’m finding that I’m really having to strike a balance between what is acceptable here and what my children’s inner voices are saying. People often want to take a picture of them or with them and older women will often reach out to stroke the hair or arms. I want my children to have the freedom to say “no”, but with the language barrier it’s often difficult to get that message across without seeming angry or scaring the kids. I feel such a tension between telling them that no one has the right to touch their bodies or force them to do things that make them feel uncomfortable and urging them to at least try to be nice to the Grandmas in our compound who are just utterly curious with this cute minority that has suddenly appeared in their midst.
For the past 13 years, we have been a part of and now help run a homeschool ballet and ballroom/folk program. We just had our Spring Recital and and it was amazing! I would be happy to share details with you. I am so happy with our current ballet teacher and the instruction my girls receive. It takes work to run this program, but several moms share the work and it is worth the effort.
My daughter was in a Tiny Toes class at the Y. We really liked the teacher and nothing got “sexy” which was a relief. However, I had to send an email about the music choices. I assumed it would be Disney or Raffi, but I’m sitting in there hearing tween covers of “The A Team” (a song about a girl on drugs) and One Direction. I’m sorry, but I don’t need my 3 year old mindlessly singing “And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland, And sells love to another man” while practicing her twirling.
Loved this post ❤I grew up in the competition dance culture and did not want my girls to be a part of that. We’ve been a part of two wonderful Christian ballet schools where many of their classmates also homeschool! But we also moved away for a few years, and the studio that seemed to have sweet ballet classes for the younger ones also had a modern dance number in the recital with preteen boys and girls rolling around the floor together inappropriately! We were out of that studio quickly. It’s so hard to find a truly wholesome atmosphere for the kids’ activities these days!
Someone above commented on professional schools being better, but I don’t think being a professional company necessarily makes a difference. The big company here has adopted a very progressive approach to the traditional ballets, their latest production of Cinderella was not even kid friendly! Then there’s also the same-sex culture that can also prevalent in dance companies. We just have to be vigilant in watching out for our kids!
Good for you! Raising 5 kids has not always been easy for me – or for them – when I ixnayed a lot of the TV shows, movies and trends that “all the other kids” were watching/doing/etc., especially extended family members. It’s still kind of a struggle to keep my 11 year old separate from the stuff his older brothers and sisters can watch, but you can’t slack on the caboose 🙂 It’s so sad how little actual childhood children are allowed to have any more, and how no part of society seems to cater to children as CHILDREN and not just really short adults. When my kids would crab and whine about what they couldn’t do, I just said you have most of your life to be an adult. What’s left to discover if you do it all/see it all before you hit college? And no kid needs to do any kind of “sexy” anything, anywhere or anytime. Just NO. I don’t know when our culture flew off the rails, honestly – but it’s both sad and disgusting.
My wife inherited a ballet studio from a friend over 10 years ago and teaches our three daughters as well. Many families bring their children to Flowing Grace School of Dance beca use of the conservative choreography and character building principals my wife shares with every student. If you have that same drive, don’t be afraid to offer that to your community, bease chances are no one else will. Blessings!
Look for an Irish dance class. Irish Dance is not sexuslized in movement or dress and is a safe outlet for kids who love to dance.
Well done, Haley! Not just for pulling your girls out of such an environment but for flagging to them the bigger lesson that no one has rights over what they do with their bodies other than themselves. Chalk this one down to Holy Spirit using something intended for bad to teach something that’s going to stand them in good stead for a lifetime.
xx
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am happy to say we have a wonderful studio where the focus is strong technique. The choreography is always appropriate as well as the costumes. Our director has conservative values and she lets us know it! When our dance company attends competitions we kid and refer to ourselves as the “Catholic school” of all dance studios !
I’m sad to hear of your experience and I applaud you for standing up for your girls. Take heart- there are still great studios out there!
I’m glad to hear someone talking about this! My daughter started out at a good ballet studio, but the cost!!! Now she does Irish dance and has a great time! She (and her brothers) have taken Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for 1 1/2 years and it has been wonderful. The discipline, fitness, self defense, confidence, and mental focus is beyond what I thought they would learn from taking a martial art.
I think the more “professional” the school the greater chance they will be pandering to that lowest common denominator others have referred to. There is a lot of pressure to be hip and competitive in that environment. I believe a small-scale class or school — like you are thinking of setting up — is really what young girls need to develop a love of dance, not huge time commitments, expensive inappropriate costumes, and questionable music and choreography.
I am grateful and so fortunate my daughters have taken from a wonderful Christian woman for their entire dance careers (my older daughter graduates next month). It’s classical ballet, tumbling, and clogging — no competitions and one spring recital. She is committed to keeping it reasonably priced, appropriate music and costuming, and allowing the girls to have lives outside of dance.
The biggest blessing for our family has been the solid friends my girls have made — girls from all over the area who support each other and strengthen each other to be strong and beautiful.
Good for you! We had a similar experience in a gymnastics class, years ago. The floor routine was set to music that was wildly inappropriate for 5 year olds to be dancing to.
We’ve had good experiences with Irish dance; I’ve had kids in that for, oh, 10 years or so now. My 11 year old is pretty passionate about it. Typically to be competitive, the dances have to adhere to certain traditional forms and steps, and there are firm costume rules, too, so it’s safer than some activities from the encroachment of over-sexualization. Though, I would have(naively, I guess) expected ballet to be the same way, being also steeped in history and tradition! 🙁
We also had good experiences with Irish dance, though the feis (competitions) can get a bit pressured – because parents get super-keen for their kids to win – and are very long-winded. But our youngest loved the combination of energetic movement and discipline, and the music was a plus!
Yes. We have been fortunate to have Irish dance schools that really emphasize personal development and the joy of the art more than needing to win, win, win. And the feis does make for a killer long day. On bleachers, half the time, no less! 😉
I started ballet when I was about 5.
My ballet teacher woukd shame me every class, usually more than once.
Her favorite way to ‘teach’ was to grab the student who was doing the steps the worst and March them to the front of the class then say,
“Everyone watch_____, _____ is NOT a beautiful ballerina.”
I kid you not it was usually ‘Amanda’ 3 out of 5 times – in a hour.
I’m am super uncoordinated and even now at 36 trip over my own feet daily! I don’t know how I stayed in it as long as I did. I think I was 7 or 8 before I told my mom what this awful old woman was doing. My mom is wonderful and had no idea I was being humiliated. She stayed for every class; however, Toots Johnson, the evil old hag who owned and ran the studio would close the viewing windows at the beginning of each class so
“the students won’t be distracted” and
“the parents will have a lovely surprise at the recital”
I think I stuck it out so long because I never told my mom what was going on. It’s strange because I’ve always been very outspoken. My friends were all also in the same class, though Toots would routinely have me practice and perform in the recital with children 2-3 years younger than
me – and she would still hold me up as an example to be mocked. I liked the costumes, I liked being with my friends. When I complained early, early on that I didn’t want to go anymore I didn’t tell my mom about the shaming, I think that a 5 or 6 I was too young to express what was being done to me. My mom encouraged me to keep going, not because of the expense of the many and pricey costumes, recital and lesson fees but because she thought I was just giving up because it was hard. She wanted to teach me to stick with something and work hard to achieve a goal. She was and is so supportive —
**sorry I have to interject here – I was trying to type in ‘supportive’ and my auto-correct changed it to ‘doris’. Three guesses as to what my mother is named ☺️**
— the second I told her what was going on and why I really didn’t to go anymore she hugged me, told me she loved me, and that I never, never had to go back. She even went in and got the stuff out of my cubby, and in an extremely polite way and with the manners of a true lady she told Toots just what she thought of her and get teaching methods and Shamed her until that 5′ tall old gargoyle was about 3’7″. She then had to bodily restrain my Papa from going in like the wrath of God Himself and peeking the flesh from her withered of body. Instead he, being an attorney, wrote her a very strongly worded letter enumerating her many crimes and threatening unholy punishments if she had scarred me for life. Wow – I love my parents SO much! They are both the most wonderful people in their own, polar opposite, ways.
I’ve never liked dancing since then. It drives my cousin crazy, she loves to dance and is an amazing dancer. When we were younger she used to live going to dance clubs and would drag me along. I really enjoyed the music and people watching but I wouldn’t dance with her. I wouldn’t dance with other girlfriends at homecoming or prom. The only time I ever feel comfortable dancing is a slow dance with a man. My Papa is a lovely dancer and so is my boyfriend. I’ve taken ballroom dancing classes with a few guy friends and really enjoyed them.
I found my sports niche after ditching ballet.
I’ve been an equestrian since I was 8, nearly 30 years. It is wonderful and if you’ve got super strong calves and thighs you don’t have to have great balance – though it helps A Lot! I competed through college and beyond. I was in the University of Texas equestrian team and showed open level, the highest level, throughout our 4 state region.
I have a lifelong sport which can be enjoyed far into my senior years. Don’t take my word for it –
Google Hiroshi Hoketsu, 70 year old Olympian at the London games. He only bowed out of Rio because his horse wasn’t sound.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiroshi_Hoketsu
I’ve seen foals being born and felt the heartache of old, tired, and dearly loved seniors pass away. I’ve made lifelong friends, I met my bff of 30 years as ‘barn rats’ hanging around after our lessons to muck around the place. I’ve made friends as an adult who seem like they’ve been friends forever. Horses and riding and all they incorporate have had a dramatic impact on my life and I wouldn’t trade my sport, my passion, for anything.
Though ballet would have been a LOT cheaper!!!
?
I remember Toots Johnson. She taught my aunt and grandma – I doubt she is alone anymore. I am curious, when was this? I danced under my aunt in the late 80s. I dont remember her being mean but I never danced for her directly. My aunt was my teacher
I took classes from roots too! She’s tough for sure!
Great article! I agree completely. My kids are adults now but when our daughter turned 13, we searched and found Christian Youth Theater, we also enjoyed doing Jazzercise together. She loved performing musicals all throughout junior high and high school. Our youngest child and son, chose Tae Kwon Do (black belt) and Capoeira, and now at 22 loves Crossfit. Our middle son did fencing starting at 9 years old, loved it and ended up fencing in college, competing at Division 1 at Ohio State and has a National Championship ring too. I come from both the dance studio (tap, jazz) world and the classical ballet world. I think martial arts and fencing are very comparable to the training that ballet requires. Not something you can easily learn overnight but it takes technique and skill over time to be accomplished at these sports. Best wishes as you raise your lovely daughters. If you’re ever in the Midwest, check out Storling Ballet, they are amazing. Not your average ballet company. They have excellent technique but don’t go off the deep end of obscure, weird, sexualized dance. They tell stories like I’ve never seen before. Hang in there! Great decision.
I’m a dance photographer based in Utah. I am constantly appalled at the dances and costumes I see in today’s studios. When I began in this line of work, in the late ’90’s, these revealing costumes were almost unheard of – now they’re commonplace. It’s very sad! Kudos to you for your integrity and for raising your kids with it as well! Good luck finding a studio with high standards.
Ever consider starting your own class for your girls and anyone interested?
My sis did. She ran tap classes in her garage and the kids performed at a couple of local senior centers.
Through one of those performances she was introduced to a studio owner that agreed with her desire to wow an audience with ability and not glitter and shimmying little girls.
Keep up the good work mommas. My mother always taught me to stick up for myself and speak up if I was uncomfortable.
When I was in high school I was in a school musical and when our costumes arrived I was shocked at one of the outfits. It was a skin tight short blue sequined dress. The other 2 girls who had this costume with me were mortified but said nothing, I was and am a very busty girl and I was pissed. It was about 2 weeks before the opening show. I told the teacher/director calmly that I wasn’t going to wear it, he insisted they couldn’t get us new ones and I would have to. I told him that he would just have to replace me then. Low and behold we got new costumes the next week. Ha!
Dance studios are utterly unregulated–teachers may not be trained at all and they may even be doing physical and emotional harm. Parents don’t always understand how carefully they need to pay attention to what is going on–not only the sexualized choreography, but children doing damage to their feet and knees because of improper training in technique.
Dance studios are unregulated but they can be quite profitable; one estimate I heard about a few years ago is $25,000 per year student per year, for classes, costumes, competition fees, hair and makeup costs, travel to said competitions, hotels, etc.
As a former chair of a university dance program for which auditions were required, I often saw the damage done by irresponsible and improperly prepared studio owners/teachers when students were not accepted, despite the immense amount of money parents had invested in their preparation. Many who were accepted understood they needed to begin retraining from the start.
Absolutely agree! We did the same thing many years ago, and I too was sad for them to miss out on something I loved. However, it has been reaffirmed many times when seeing the dances my neighbor’s daughters were doing for their class…not to mention their costumes!
Hi. Thanks for sharing your story. I think you Iive in the States, but should you ever move to Calgary, Alberta, Canada, there is a studio there called Crossings. I went there for every type of dance over 20 years ago. There philosophy is really about respecting the body and the values of the studio are based on Christian values although you don’t have to be Christian to dance there. It just means they use they bodies properly and use good quality music. They help build self-esteem and keep growing. Anyway I hope you can find a place like that. Perhaps check out their website crossingsdance.com. I wish you all the best.
As a dancer and dance teacher, your story makes me very sad indeed. I’m sure you did the right thing by taking your children out. As I think someone else mentioned, there seems to be an increasing number of Christians owning dance schools , and hopefully they avoid anything that sexualises children.
A dance studio in our town had preteen girls prancing around on stage with Victoria’s Secret bags. I just don’t understand how that could be construed as appropriate.
You are a truly awesome Mom!!!! I applaud you! So many people today go along with themes or ideas they are not really comfortable with because they fear ridicule from others. That still small voice inside you will never lead you astray if you are doing your best to do what is right. Bless you and your family!
SEM
Thank you for sharing about this. It is refreshing to find someone really parenting these days from a moral prospective.
I’m so grateful my daughters’ dance studio shares this perspective… their costumes and dances are always age appropriate, and the director even discourages stage make-up for the recital for the young girls too.
There are so many great lessons kids learn in dance – social, physical and more – it is so sad when that is usurped by pop culture.
Not dance related, but relevant to your story…Years ago, I read a book by Gavin de Becker called, “The Gift of Fear,” which tells us to honor our intuition that “something isn’t right” even if we don’t know what that “something” is. Your response to your daughter validated her intuition about the situation…she KNEW that what they were telling her to do wasn’t right. He wrote a follow up book, “Protecting the Gift,” geared toward strengthening that innate fear response in our children, “fear” being our sense that we may be in danger or in a situation that makes us uncomfortable, NOT fear as in an overarching state of constant debilitating anxiety. We condition our children to ignore that gut feeling, instead telling them to “Do what you’re told,” “Give Uncle Fester a kiss, because you don’t want to hurt his feelings,” etc. We need to strengthen our children’s God-given sense of self-protection, not diminish it in favor of other people’s agendas.
Well done, Mom!
My favorite part about this is not that you pulled your daughters out of class, which I am glad that you did, but that your child came to you to talk about something that made her uncomfortable. She felt enough support from you to discuss a situation that bothered her, even though she did not know how you would respond. That shows what a great parent you are and how she knows that you can come to you. Continue to build on that trust and she will continue to count on you to listen and to support her. I have an 18 year old daughter and the open and honest conversations we started with when she was very little has continued. She knows that she can come to me with anything, even if it upsets me, and have an honest conversation. Keep up the good work, mom!
So true and well said, a good mom for sure!
My daughter was in dance for over 10 years when she was young. I was also. The dance studio I went to as a youngster was across the street from my school and I was able to walk there after school and then my mom picked me up after work. Wonderful woman ran it and I loved it.
When my daughter wanted to start dance at age 5, I took her to the studio closest to us. The studio I danced at as a child had moved clear across town. The classes for the youngest kids were 60 minutes long ( 20 min ballet, 20 min acro, and 20 min tap). When the teacher led the students in the ballet portion, she kept on her sneakers from acro!!! I couldn’t believe it. She taught ballet in sneakers! No technique for the girls to watch there!
As my daughter grew older, I bit the bullet and started driving her across town to the studio I grew up in.
As a mom, as a dance teacher, as a dance studio owner, I applaud you for listening to your child and not forcing her to do something she was uncomfortable doing. It makes me so sad to read some of the above comments and reading about parents swearing off of dance completely because of stories like yours. I urge everyone to keep looking if your child wants to dance- there ARE schools out there that work hard to make age appropriate choices for all dancers, across the board. Please don’t write us all off! Having a competition group doesn’t automatically mean the school is not cognizant of the responsibility we have to the children we train. We are fully aware of the reality show that features some of the garbage that is out there, and there are people working hard to offer a completely different experience in dance studios (even ones that do competitions!) …. one that is positive, uplifting and builds self esteem!
I am on the advisory board for http://www.ypad4change.org – an organization that was formed in part because of experiences like yours with your girls. You have identified a real problem in our industry, but know that there are people working hard to educate fellow teachers, dancers and dance parents so hopefully kids can enjoy the gift that dance is again, and parents don’t need to worry about exposing their children’s young psyches to movement or music or costumes that sexualize them or demean them in any way.
I hope you can find a studio at some point so that your girls can enjoy dance without you having to worry what they’re being exposed to. I am so, so sorry.
I’d love to help you find a studio better suited for you! Texas is my home state, and ballet is my life and love! There are many studios that are teaching lovelya nd classical ballet in Texas. I would love to recommend!
I am a small town studio owner, and take pride in my studio for being a technical studio, teaching to age appropriate music. I always have 3-5 routines in the recital with Christian music. This year I’m using “Touch the Sky”, “Greater”, “Another Hallelujah” & “Thy Will”. Unlike the other “similar business” in town, I use age appropriate costumes, and never expose the mid-drift at any age. I constantly rack my brain for reasons why parents are allowing their children to attend this “similar business”, where only routines are taught for recital, competition & performances at NBA pre-game entertainment (containing inappropriate actions) and absolutely no technique. I’ve had a few migrate to my studio, with no clue what a plie, tendu, or bourree is, much less a passe, ronde jambe, or chasse. While they may have performed the above steps, they had no idea what the technical term was. My babies (ages 2-4) know every one of these by Christmas break. My studio is not about how many fouettes, booty shakes or crotch shots we can incorporate into a routine. But more about building self-esteem, confidence & discipline, there have been occasions where a teen class didn’t do one dance step during class because they come in to class so down on themselves, so instead, we do an esteem building activity (for example, they will sit in front of the mirror snd write down what they see ehen they look in the mirror, then I will give each one someone else’s name, the write down what they see when they look at that person) it’s sometimes overwhelming to read & always impactful. I may not have student count the other “similar business” has, but I can lay my head every night, knowing I own a studio that is respectful of young girls & their parents.
You most definitely made the right decision?
Beautiful statement and I completely agree!
YES YES YES. I know EXACTLY how you feel. 100% ….a few years back I signed me daughter up for the rec department may sampler, because of the times and my work schedule. She tried tap and hip hop, it was 5 weeks, and I said never again. The music they played was music that I wouldn’t even listen to.. so why would I want my daughter dancing to it! ….
We luckily found an amazing dance studio. Brighter Days Dance…. It is a Christian dance studio. The girls wear modest costumes and are taught dance moves that honor God as well as themselves. They have a strict dress code policy which I love because who really needs to see little girls in booty shorts!!!! They also have a small mini group discussion like bible study and read from the bible. The kiddos listen to Christian music and it’s amazing.
. I have also went to other recitals.. and my daughter even says that their costumes are inappropriate… So if my 7 year old thinks they are… They probably are. I don’t think that little girls need to be wearing crop tops and booty shorts. It’s just not right.
I am so very grateful over and over a million times for Brighter Days Dance. The costumes, the songs, the staff. Just everything. I will forever be grateful for our amazing studio?
I wholeheartedly agree. I’m not sure what state you are in, but here is our company: http://www.GraceChristianDance.com. No booty shakin’ here 🙂
Loved this! My mom put me in Irish Dance for this same reason. I now own my own Irish Dance studio and get a lot of ballet studio drop outs because of the sexualization at a young age. Ever thought of putting your girls in Irish dance?
I find this blog post interesting. I have grown up in the dance industry and have experienced several different aspects of dance culture. Having started in a small competition studio and eventually moving into a pre-professional children’s ballet studio with a student company and then moving into a professional program at our local professional ballet company. I eventually went on to dance as a professional ballerina for 7 years and having retired now perform in musical theater while operating a non-competitive dance program.
There a few questions I’d like to ask the author to clarify. While also pointing out some user comments that I think are a little unfounded.
#1- One user commented that “this has become the norm in ballet schools.”
A Ballet studio in the real sense of the word is a school such as School of American Ballet, The Rock, Julliard, Joffrey, etc are studios usually associated with a professional ballet company. These studios are going to focus on technique based BALLET education with a goal of creating ballet dancers equipped to join professional companies later in life. While other genres of dance may be taught ballet classes will be the bulk of training at these studios. And NO this is NOT the norm in ballet schools…
This is in comparison to a Dance school- which is found on almost every street corner of America- and NO not ALL are created equal. These are studios where you can find a whole genre of classes from ballet, to hip hop, to tap, lyrical/contemporary. Most of these studios will offer a generic class such as a creative dance (different from ballet) and depending on who the teacher is will determine what is taught. As a professional ballet dancer my creative dance is heavily focused on ballet- and we learn positions of the feet, plies, tendues, piques, etc etc we use common themes and play-based experiments to learn hence the term “creative” for example to teach a passe we may pretend we are flowers growing our leaves. I cannot think of any move in my creative dance class that would require a dancer to “shake their booty.” That being said, I’ve also seen teachers who have a different background in dance- maybe they have more of a jazz or hip hop background…their idea of creative dance IS going to be different from mine…in those classes they may be more inclined to teach a hip isolation (a technical term for booty shaking) which is actually an important skill to know as a dancer as the hips are very much a part of the body and important in all dance forms.
Also, many many many dance studios teach COMBO classes. Where they combine ballet with tap, jazz or hip hop. In these classes you can expect to see more of what may be described as “booty shaking” because again hip isolations are IMPORTANT in dance. As a dancer you must understand and know how to move one part of the body while keeping the rest isolated. While I don’t personally feel this skill needs to be taught until a dancer reaches the ages of 6-10, I know not all dance teachers will share in the same belief.
This article seems to open up a lot of questions for me personally that I’d like to address to the author.
#1- Was the class a ballet class only? Was it a combo class? Was it a creative dance class?
Most studios that I have ever taught for and even my own program do NOT call our 3-5 year old classes “ballet”. I most commonly see them called Creative Movement. Or if it’s not creative movement, it’s a combo class. I hear parents say all the time “I can’t wait for little susie to do her ballet class!” While I DO teach ballet in my creative dance class- it is not a true ballet class- because we do a lot of play-based skills to learn technical steps that would NOT be taught to a group of ballet students ages 6-10. I am sure to write a very clear description of the Creative Dance class for parents. Let’s be honest- most children don’t start learning true ballet until they are of an older age because of bone and joint development anyway.
#2- What was the song they were dancing to/ what was the costume choice?
I have seen a lot of sexualized movements in dance. Yes- this happens and it happens way too often. I see it most at competitions. This is why I don’t participate in competitions and I have decided to operate a non-competitive dance program. That being said I’ve seen “shake your booty” moves that are non-sexual. A movement is only sexual when you make it that way. Costumes and song lyrics definitely contribute to this. A three old dancing as a bunny and wagging their bunny tale to the Bunny Hop is NOT the same as a three old dancing to single ladies and popping their hips to the rhythm. The second would definitely not be age appropriate.
#3- Did YOU hear the teacher use the term “shake your booty?” Or is this a term you have used to describe this movement and this has transferred to your child hence causing your child to be embarrassed by such a movement?
As a dance teacher I have never used the term “shake your booty.” Not even when teaching hip hop or jazz classes to my older elementary kids. When I teach isolations I use the term isolations and when I teach a hip circle I use the term “hula hoop” to describe the movement. I know not all dance teachers are created equal…but I’ve never actually heard this term used amongst any of the dance teachers I’ve personally ever worked with. Just like music and costumes…the terms used to describe the movement will depend on whether or not it is sexualized. Have you as a parent used this term to describe that movement in front of your kids and that’s what they associate to that type of movement? The only reason I ask is because I hear parents all the time say – oh I left that studio because the kids just “shook their booty” all the time. This appears to be a term used more by parents than by professional dance teachers themselves. If the teacher did NOT in fact use the term “shake your booty” while teaching the three year olds…then you have unfairly named and sexualized a movement for them…
#4- Why would you NOT discuss this directly with the teacher?
Did you ever once ask to meet with your daughter’s teacher? Why does it seem that people have completely lost their ability to communicate? If your daughter felt embarrassed doing the movement that doesn’t necessarily mean the movement was “wrong” or causing “harm.” I have to do things all the time as a performer that make me feel silly or make me nervous, or make me uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean that I’m being asked to do movements that cause me harm…the one time I was in a show where movements were beyond my capability and I thought I may be injured I requested a different movement in it’s place. It doesn’t mean I just quit a show! What is that teaching your child? Do I think the dance teacher was intentionally trying to do your child harm? No! Do I think requesting an observation to watch the teacher actually teach the dance and see what context the movements were actually taught would have been a better choice…YES! If they didn’t allow you to watch the class- then pull them out. I’ve never denied a family the opportunity to watch a class if they questioned something in my ability as an instructor.
Final Note-
Yes it’s important to teach children that they have total control of their body. It’s their right and they should learn this at a young age. I’m a rape survivor- I was raped for three years by my first boyfriend. I knew what he was doing was wrong- but I never knew that this wasn’t the norm. I just knew I had someone telling me “I love you.” So I thought that was love. So Yes- children should be taught to value themselves and value their bodies They should also be taught to tell the difference between unwanted sexual touches, glances and comments. I also believe that they should be taught to know the difference between people who are intentionally trying to harm them vs a dance teacher just trying to do their job. Are there dances that sexualize young children? Absolutely! These are the dances with the girls twerking and grinding while wearing hooker boots… I’ve seen it! It makes me cringe! It’s why I’ve never spent a dime on a competition. This could have self harm on children and how they view their bodies. Do I think every dance that has a little wiggle or shake in it is sexualization? Absolutely not…we must find that balance. I think you take a huge huge leap in stating that because a dance teacher had a “booty shake” in a dance was causing your child self-harm is completely uncalled for. When you turn on music and just let a child dance…this happens naturally….does that mean they are sexualizing themselves…no…it’s how the body moves in nature. If your daughter’s instructor was expecting a bunch of tree year old’s to dance to single ladies, pop their booties and dance in mid-driff tutus at the age of 3-5…then I agree that is not age-appropriate.
Hi there, “Anonymous,”
I’ll try to succinctly answer your questions.
1: This was a Ballet and Tap class. Half ballet, second half shoe change and tap class. I taught Creative Movement classes for several years and in my classes we would do isolations including hips. I was not, however, asking my students to have their backs to the audience and shake their rears and call it choreography. Does moving your hips have to be sexualized? Of course not. But this crossed the line and as the parent, I get to make that call for my child (who has expressed unprompted discomfort).
2: This was the first day of learning their recital dance and music was not included, nor had costume choices been shared with the parents.
3: Yes. The teacher was using that phrase, “Shake your booties, girls! Shake those booties! Lucy, why aren’t you shaking your booty?!”
4: I did not discuss this directly with the teacher on the day because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t overreacting. Since I was already very disappointed in the instruction they were receiving, I didn’t have much motivation to convince the teacher to change her choreography and teaching methods. I did inform the studio exactly why I was pulling my girls out. If the instruction had been great and this was just one isolated issue, I would have been happy to try to work out something with the instructor. “I have to do things all the time as a performer that make me feel silly or make me nervous, or make me uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean that I’m being asked to do movements that cause me harm.” Sure, you’re also a grown up. While completing important things is a great lesson to teach a child, I think teaching a 5yo to listen to her intuition and feel safe expressing her discomfort with what she was asked to do was the more important one here.
Your final note: “I think you take a huge huge leap in stating that because a dance teacher had a “booty shake” in a dance was causing your child self-harm is completely uncalled for.” I didn’t say that the teacher was causing my child harm (which I assume is what you meant because I’m not sure what ‘your child’s self-harm’ would mean in this situation). I don’t think she was intending harm at all. My concern was with sexualized movement AND after expressing discomfort with the movement, my child being told she “had to” do it anyway because a figure in authority was insisting on it. That is a dangerous thing to teach children. Hope that helps clear it up, “Anonymous”!
Im happy you pointed that out. The media and other people make it seem that all christians do is preach about God. There are some people that do and that is their perogative. That is not all christians though. Some just stand by their morals (and since they dont mention God people dont mnow they are christian). The ones who do mention God get labeled “God freaks” as if its a bad thing to have beliefs in something greater than yourself or have morals. O e of the biggest problems with this world is that someone can be called a “slut shamer” if they talk about someone with very “loose/liberal” values, yet someone who believes in agod can get shamed. It is very backwards..
So your excuse for teaching little girls to shake their butts is that they are learning isolations?
If the girls are in fact learning isolations (moving one part of their body while keeping others still), and they are facing away from their audience, what is the audience supposed to be looking at? Their butts are the only things moving! It is a sexualized dance when the audience is encouraged to watch a girl shake their butt. You just dont realize it because we are all used to so much worse. Just because there is worse doesnt mean that bad is okay.
Haley, well written. So many moms (and dads) just buy into the present culture of sexualization of everything. I’m a grandma of 6 from 7 to 18 yrs. It is so hard to buy the 2 girls modest clothing that isn’t sexy. Try to buy a girl a decent bathing suit.
Martial arts is great. My hubby is a 3rd degree black belt. I’ve seen girls come in that would barely look anyone in the eye. A year later they are strong, confident and enjoying Martial Arts.
You cannot look at TV, magazine or billboard ads without seeing sex selling an item. We are bombarded with it on radio, TV, movies, books, magazines.
You and many others are fighting against the culture. God wants us safe. He teaches modesty. It’s a battle worth winning to teach your children His way. I heard a speaker say What does your clothing and demeanor say: Lure or Pure. That’s basically it. We can change the culture one family at a time. Don’t give up or give in. Michele
This was a perfect read for me tonight, thank you, I’m so proud of you for standing up. And so very proud of your daughter!! That’s incredible she was able to express her feelings like that.
I had to do the same thing when my teenage daughters were not comfortable wearing a leotard that from stomach UP was lace with nude/sheer material (I wouldn’t care if the lace and nude was just on the stomach, but above it?). I’m still in shock that apparently I am the only parent with a problem with this (I asked multiple people out of statebefore going to the owner, one friend said it looked like lingerie and another wouldn’t let her daughter on stage in it another was concerned for the men in the audience…). Music selection for a group dance went against God’s Word and my girls took a stand and politely dropped the group. We’ve also had to have a meeting with her to address bullying due to my daughters with health conditions. I was so glad to see the YPAD link and hope to get some help from them. Dance is the ONLY activity my girls are allowed to do due to their rare health conditions and are homeschooled so they can handle it. The other day I get an email from the owner stating about how much we’ve been complaining… did I mention this was a Christian studio?? I certainly didn’t feel like I was complaining but standing up for what was right! I’m unsure what to do, do we drop, she’s mad I want to change the girls costumes to look more appropriate because they’ll look different than the other girls. The last recital this class had 3 different costumes on, 2 the recital prior as she couldn’t get all the same in right sizes, so just making my girls private area black instead of nude does not seem like a big deal to me considering past recitals…. This studio is also run by age so my girls who have been dancing 11 years never having any of these issues before are dancing with children with only 1 year experience. Which has of course caused my girls much frustration. We’ve stayed as we kept getting promises of things to get better. They are on one of the non competitive company teams and they’ve only learned 1 new tap move in 2.5 years, and that was outside class. Everything else they are learning on YouTube to desperately try to catch up to where they should be. So yes, we are looking for a new studio but my fears were modesty and music but if I’m going to have same problem in the Christian studio what is the point? Just is so unfair to these girls, we’ve gotten away from their abusive father then abusive grandparents, why did they have to go through this too, we’ve got a roof over our heads but have even been homeless during this tripling time but these girls continued to dance. Both want careers in dance, one wants to be on local company then teach, the other choreography. I just pray we can find a place they can learn and excel, without having to shake a booty! Maybe one day they will be ones to open a true Christian studio.
Any recommendations on how to handle above are welcome, the girls want to leave now, a month before recital… I don’t blame them one bit, they come home crying nearly every time. Dance used to be their “safe” place,
Id like to add that the fact that your little girl was embarassed by this herself instead of going along with it or doing it out of peer pressure shows alot about your parenting. Many little girls wouldnt have thought twice about it because they see that and worse everyday on tv. Good job!
All you did was “send an email?” I would have confronted the “teacher” and let her know that her dancing instruction was inappropriate and your children would no longer participate,,,, In front of other parents. Our studio was doing “glamour” photo shoots, and the make-up was caked on, and the photos were getting risque, she was 12,,, I said, “half the hair, half the make-up, or we’re done, and she’s not doing THAT pose,,,” I stood there and directed the photographer. Imposing ,,, yes, I do believe so,,,, my daughter’s body, you bet, and I didn’t pussyfoot around about it.
Isn’t it great that as parents we get to handle these situations in the way we see fit?
A real ballet school that has a ballet company does not teach that booty shaking. My grand daughter has been dancing for 9 years and has never shook her bootie even taking jazz, modern and contemporary classes both there at and at her performing arts charter school. She has taken classes a two other schools in the summer, performed with two ballet companies and again those other two were never sexualized classes. One of the schools and their company do two Christain performances…one about the birth of Christ, the other about his death. Think too many dance schools offer ballet but are more concerned about producing competitive dance teams and moms being “dance moms”. I never understood why underwear companies thought that starting at 3, they should becwearing bikini underwear but apparently there are parents out there that do as I see more of that type of underwear and not less.
Competition dance studios, offering a variety of classes, are famous for booty shaking and sexualizing children. It’s about what gets points at competition. Ballet schools are a completely different entity. Dance studio=tacky go go dance. Ballet School=Classical art form from Europe. It’s like comparing Tay Tay to Tchaikovsky.
My name is Haley, also. My mom started a dance studio when I was a baby. It was so special. She hated little girls and even big girls dancing sexy!
About ten years ago, my mom sold her studio. (She asked me, first, if I wanted it. And, I said, “no.” I was grown and not living in town and doing other things.) I should have said, “yes.”
When my mom sold the studio, the new owner promised it would not be a competition studio. The new owner promised so many things that were not kept.
I went to the dance recital a few months ago. In one of the little girls’ dances, probably, age 5, the first step they did was sliding down into the splits like a stripper. It was horrifying!
My mom died from brain cancer two years ago. I got to spend months laying next to mom and talking with her about everything. She was so disappointed in the low level this new owner had taken the studio.
I promised mom I would fix it. I don’t know how, yet. But, finding your blog, I know I’m headed in the right direction. Knowing that there are other people who feel like I do is encouraging.
Thank you for sharing this story!
Haley
I am dealing with this issue right now with my 6 YO daughter, who is taking a hip-hop class at a very large studio that offers all types of dance. I’ve been horrified to watch the costumes that are being pushed upon these young girls — Daisy Dukes, bare midriffs, etc. Even the recital book is horrifying — a catalog of little girls dressed like strippers in often provocative poses, available for purchase by anyone in the community for $15. I’m sure our local pedophiles love it. Hasn’t anyone taken the time to think that one through? I refused to let my daughter be photographed for the recital book and I’m not sure I’m even going to let her dance in the recital at this point (due to the “no underwear” and “heavy makeup, including blush, red lipstick, and blue eyeshadow” requirements). And, again, they video the performances and anyone can buy the DVD of it. Maybe I’m just paranoid, this “dance mom” nonsense just isn’t for me. No thank you.
Thank you, thank you! For writing about this. My daughter is only 20 months old and already loves to wiggle around and dance. I LOVED taking dance as a child and can’t wait for her to do so as well, but I have already been fretting about which studio to use, who doesn’t put two piece bikini looking recital costumes on 5 year olds and and who doesn’t pick over sexualized dance moves and music for that age group as well. We have and endless array of studios in or town (not my hometown) so I’ve already started going through Facebook pages and websites eliminating any that I think the costumes picked for the smaller girls are too risque.
As a dance teacher myself, I feel it’s mainly choosing the correct dance teacher for your children which parents shouldn’t need to do as all teachers should be qualified. Unfortunately there is an immense amount of unqualified dance teachers out there who don’t know what they are doing. It gives dance teachers a bad reputation.
A good dance teacher will not only have the qualifications but also the experience.
This is a short list of highly credited organisations.
RAD
BBO
ISTD
They should have a qualified teacher status with level 4 or above.
Dancing has so many benefits, it’s worth exploring whats out there.
Thank you for your message. I totally concur with your comments in that it is essential to find instructors who are familiar with far more than steps and choreography. It is often in the earliest years of a child’s ballet studies that bad habits are formed. Teachers without sufficient knowledge will frequently not recognize the long term impact of some of these. Those with an advanced knowledge of biomechanics will understand the importance of these small things. Also, I would like to see you add Cecchetti to your list of highly recognized ballet syllabi. I realize it is a part of the ISTD group but few not fully immersed in dance would recognize this. Thank you once again!
I would like to add one more thought to the issue of sexualization of choreography for children in dance studios. Based on personal experience with my daughter and granddaughter, I have found that a studio’s positive reinforcement to a teacher choosing this flavor for their dances will often see this. A studio which finds this inappropriate shares this message with their instructors. Again, since the studio (the instructor’s bosses) is against this, it is only on the rarest of occassions you’ll even see anything remotely close to it. Based on my personal observations, it is most often seen in jazz and in hip hop routines. I feel it”s important to not only assertain the credentials of the instructor but also to determine the attitudes of the dance studio. I have, in the past, moved my family member from a studio where this was viewed as acceptable and specifically avoided another studio (which otherwise had strong instructors) for these reasons. Our children are exposed to sexualization far too early in their lives as it is. Please, let children be just that!
Thank you for sharing your story Haley. It is helpful to hear that we aren’t the only ones dealing with this issue in the ballet world.
We are at our second ballet academy (both RAD). At each school, the classes are all about technique. The whole year is wonderful. At the end of the year, they have a big production. In both cases, the production was the problem.
We are at a crossroads as my daughter is in her early teens and loves dance. However, I just saw the production and was so very upset with 1) thematic material celebrating paganism, 2) costume selection that exposed much more skin than necessary, 3) musical selections that felt very “dark” or sultry-sexy, 4) some modern ballet that seemed to objectify the girls
Our kids are involved in sports and music. We love the arts. What is happening to ballet and why are so many Christian parents turning a blind eye to this?
Sadly, parents are turning a blind eye to many value issues. It may be that the feminists have gotten it wrong. You simply can’t have it all. If your focus is career, there is no time for the details of your child’s activities. If your focus is your family and specifically your children, it’s improbable that you’ll be able to work the fourth Saturday in a row. Of course this could also negatively impact your advancement opportunities. Each of us has 24 hours each day. Some work more quickly, some work more efficiently but it is virtually impossible to be a career oriented Mom and be as involved in the small stuff in your children’s lives as the full time Mom. By the same token, the Mom who chooses to focus on their family will not always have the extra time to get it done before leaving the office each evening. Our society, as a whole, is minimizing what have been traditional values. It has quickly evolved into a “if it feels good, do it” mentality. If you discover other mothers with similar concerns re choreography and costuming, band together and approach the studio owner. Share your valid concerns and objections with the owner(s). It’s likely too late for this year end, but there’s a reasonable chance you’ll no longer have to deal with this every year end show. Can’t hurt to try…
Agree with all of it! There is a studio which offers a class of interest to one of my daughters, but the inappropriate moves, lyrics and dancewear (sports bras and booty shorts) made me cringe each week. My girls even asked why they had to be half-naked to dance.
Instead, we found a lovely Christian-owned studio where much thought is put into creating an age-appropriate environment for children and teens’ impressionable minds. Dress is conservative and students of every size and shape are valued for their unique gifts.
Wish you could come to Academy of American Ballet in Northern California. You’re family would feel right at home!
Thank you, ladies, for helping me realize I’m not alone in being so appalled at that culture. You don’t know how much it means to me to know I’m not standing alone.
Hi , I am a Creative movement and Ballet instructor. One point that should be made here beside the one you make, and that I absolutely agree with, of oversexualized choreographies is that 3 and 5 years olds should not be taking Ballet. The body of a child that young is not ready for the demanding technique of Ballet; and there are many prerequisites to be taught before a child starts such a structured, technical class. One of them is movement, and shaking, is mouvement. “Shake your bums” doesn’t have to be done in a sexual way, it can be a segmentation of mouvement, which is a hard concept at that age ( ie: move a part of body, without moving the rest) So called ballet classes before the age of 6 (and Ballet classes for little ones as young as 18months are not rare) are likely either taught by people who don’t have a clue about Ballet and child development or by instructors who call their creative movement classes ballet, because that’s what parents want their little girls to do and that’s what sells. Same parents will later want their 10 y/o to go on pointes because “they’ve been taking Ballet for 6 -8years” (sight). What’s the rush already? Ultimately they don’t learn a thing in these classes, or are often taught wrong, and end up getting frustrated at best and hurt for life at worst. So while the teacher is at fault for making your little ones shake their butts inappropriately and encouraging them to do something they weren’t comfortable with; so are you for enrolling them in Ballet and expecting them to perform pliés at such a young age in the first place…
Hi Maeve,
I danced in multiple ballet companies and taught Creative Movement classes, among other levels, for years and yes, of course, young children are actually doing “pre-ballet” not a highly technical regimen. In my class we would isolate movement “move your toes!” “move your shoulders!” “move your hips!” and of course that doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s about learning how to move your body, learn music, and involves lots of games appropriate to young children and how they learn. Age appropriate classes aren’t a new concept for me. (However, none of my students ever had trouble doing a plie, fwiw.) For my own girls, I was searching for the closest thing to creative movement I could find so they could enjoy dancing, not so they could start pointe by age 10. You’ve made a lot of assumptions about my knowledge about dance and my parenting. I didn’t expect them to be doing fouettes. I also didn’t expect them to be sexualized.
You’re absolutely right and I agree with everything that you stated. It’s a shame the daughters had to be removed from such an amazing sport, but I’m glad they will blossom in other areas. I think you did the right thing and it’s terrible that this is what it had to come to for you and your daughters.
I so enjoyed this blog post! I run a Christ-centered dance studio outside of Chicago and we are working very hard to change the current culture of dance. We are the first and only YPAD Certified studio in Illinois, but there are many certified studios around the country and the number is growing! For everyone who is tired of the hyper-sexualization of children, who believe that lyrics matter and who would like to see the culture of dance return to the artistic roots that touches our souls, please check out the YPAD website! There are many of us that run high quality studios that believe what you believe and we are working hard to provide spaces for children that are healthy and safe! http://www.ypad4change.org
This is a wonderful idea! Thank you for creating something so lovely and thank you for sharing the ypad resource.
Thank you for this article. I grew up in dance too, and I was so excited to share this with my own child. I confess, I didn’t pay much attention assuming that they would have the same high quality teachers that I had. There is much broken in the world of dance. Yes, there is the horrendous oversexualization of young girls. But, there is also the exploitation of their time–inviting them to be come “elite company dancers” at what, the age of 6?! (that’s what happened to us, and I said no) There are ballet curriculi that are shocking money grabs–and studios that really, really take their time getting through those syllabi in order to drraaggggg out the $. Then, you find that your child, after you have spent a small fortune on dance, can barely do a fraction of what you could have done at the same age. Parents, really, really pay attention. So much of dance is the most disgusting money grab. Oh yes, and what is with the “half day professional programs”? Taking children out of school to spend half their day dancing?! It seems really exploitative. I wish I had never put my child in dance, we have wasted thousands of dollars, I keep trying to find what I had for my daughter, but it just doesn’t exist. It has been a soul destroying experience and it’s very hard to find the joy and artistry in dance these days. Children should be protected from this. Pay attention parents! (and oh, many of my daughter’s ballet teachers couldn’t really even teach the basics)
My daughter began dancing at age 3 and 11 years ago she opened her own studio. She was 25 years old. This had been her plan since she was 5. Her studio has grown from 70 dancers to almost 300. Her studio is in the Dallas/Ft Worth metroplex where there are 100’s of studios so our growth is a testament to her skills, her character and a love for her students. We have never had a parent complain about inappropriate costumes or dances. There are many excellent studios who do teach traditional dance and do not rely on inappropriate dances. She also teaches dance at a fine arts high school. All her life she has heard what I preach to my student council leaders….”if you are going to do something, do it with class or do not do it at all.” I am so proud of the woman and teacher she has become.
Check out YPAD. The dance studio my girl is at is apart of this. Such a much needed organization in today’s world.
As a dance professional and studio owner, who stumbled across this post by accident, I just couldn’t leave without saying that there are schools out there choosing a different route. They are few and far between, but they do exist.
We do not participate in any competitions, all performances are optional and practiced outside of class time. Ballet offers its students so so much that it pains me to hear that children who have a passion to learn and study it are having such poor experiences.
A great starting point for anyone looking for strong, complete programs in smaller towns would probably be to contact Regional Dance America for your region and see if there are any member companies near you. If not, keep looking. It is a beautiful artform and I know our program isn’t the only one out there.
And yet, here we are plugging away at our little dance studio that doesn’t put any kids in 2 piece costumes, no chest thrusts, no booty wiggling, no crotch shots and yet we’re the smallest studio in the county. We’ve always said we want our dancers to dance like little girls, not sexualized with false eyelashes and fishnets (appropriate with the right costume and shoes but not with garters and/or thigh highs). And yet people flock to the studios that take their kids to competitions where parents are encouraged to hoot and holler “work it girl” at 5 year olds.
Btw we do use fake hair for recital and performances. Why? So they are all equally beautiful in their matching costumes and to make it easier for parents. The last year we didn’t use them across the board, we asked moms to put their hair half up with some curls. Pretty easy, no? More than half the moms made hair appointments for picture and recital because they didn’t know how to curl their daughter hair. No joke. Now they buy a one time $15 fake hair scrunchie and even the most hair challenged mom can get it up and they all match. Nothing sexualized about it…my granddaughter wore hers at church and when she was Cinderella at Halloween.
My point is, the studios are out there. Look at the details and take the time to research what you’re signing up for. Ask to see videos. Look at the words they use, look at the pictures they post and don’t just follow your friends to the popular studio because if you do, you’re going to be disappointed unless you enjoy watching 10 year olds thrust their chests at the audience and 14 year olds humping the floor.
If you would like an indication of how bad this trend has become, take a look at the dancewear industry and what is being promoted and sells on the various supplier websites. The models frequently are dressed like 21 year old Vegas show girls, but they are half that age. Of course that reality show with Abby and her brood didn’t help matters.
Just after my daughter turned 12,i enrolled her in a ballet class with other girls her age.Then puberty started a short time later and then she started bedwetting because of it.She then started have small wetting accidents during her ballet class and the crotch of her leotard and tights would be wet and she would be embarrassed! I then started having her wear three of her cloth bedwetting diapers with a pair of her rubberpants over them under her leotard and tights.The other girls in her class noticed them and she got teased alot.The instructor informed the other girls about what was happening and the teasing stopped for a while,but then started in again! I finially took her out of the class and hired a private ballet instructor for her.