As loyal readers will know, my family of five is currently on a six week road trip around the United States before we begin our new life in Texas. We’re in week three and it’s been 90% wonderful and 10% sibling bickering, unexpected traffic, and unreasonable requests for snacks. We’ve camped, been hosted by friends, and stayed in hotels over the past 17 days. We’ve visited national parks, big cities, and in-between. It’s definitely been an adventure and it’s been so much fun.
And we’ve taken our kids plenty of places that have stretched them. We’ve taken them places I’m sure many people would argue that children don’t “belong.” But I don’t really listen to people who tell me where I should and shouldn’t take my kids. I believe children should be at weddings, restaurants, airplanes, and other places human beings gather.
Last week within 24 hours, we took our family to three places that might be considered a little crazy for young children to go: on a 2 hour guided tour through a cave, to Vespers at a Trappist monastery, and to a fancy hotel.
Last Monday we started our day at our camp site at Mammoth Cave National Park. The shorter kid-friendly guided tour into the cave was sold out, so we threw caution to the wind and went on the two-hour more strenuous hike underground including 500 stairs.
Would the two-year-old freak out? Would the three-year-old be able to handle that many stairs? We couldn’t know until we tried. And you know what? They did awesome. We put the two-year-old in the Ergo and the three-year-old walked up and down every step without complaining. It was an incredible experience and the kids were so proud of their accomplishment. The Park Rangers were helpful, the other visitors to the park were kind, and a good time was had by all.
After lunch we drove straight to the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani, a Trappist monastery, where we met up with friends we knew through Twitter who gave us a tour. Then I took the three-year-old and six-year-old to Vespers (evening prayer) in the church.
I was a little nervous because my kids aren’t little angels in Mass. Trappists take a vow of silence and I didn’t want to give any monks a heart attack. But lo and behold, we entered the sacred space and while I ended up needing to hold the three-year-old to help with her wiggles, my six-year-old-always-in-constant-motion-firecracker son was still as a statue. He followed along with the prayers provided in the little booklet and was captivated.
Then we got to visit Thomas Merton’s hermitage and ate dinner with two of the monks. The kids hunted for lizards, ate obscene amounts of watermelon, and someday will understand what a privilege it was to be there. They monks noted how joyful and lively the children were and what a gift they are to our families. Their shenanigans made the monks laugh until they had to jump in their ATV to make it back to the Abbey in time for Compline.
We left the Abbey to continue on to Louisville where we spent a couple of nights at The Galt House which is a beautiful downtown hotel.
While we were there the kids practiced hotel etiquette like walking quietly inside the hotel (especially at night), using inside voices while in our room as to not disturb other guests, and how to act while waiting for and taking the elevator. They were the only kids I saw in the hotel, but I was so pleased with their behavior.
Because the thing is, when you take your kids places, they learn how to act appropriately. Because we’ve taken our kids to restaurants their whole lives, they know that if they are too loud and disturb other patrons, we will remove them and take them to the car. So they don’t do that anymore. Yes, of course they need to be reminded about inside voices, staying in their seats, and saying thank you to servers. But eating at restaurants is in their skill set now.
The same thing goes for churches. We’ve taken our kids to Mass since they were born. It is often a struggle. And my apologies Queen of Angels parish in Chicago for my 2-year-old’s behavior last Saturday. But she’s learning. And she did a lot better at daily Mass at St. Agnes in St. Paul, MN this morning. And by next year, she might be as well-behaved as her older siblings in Mass because she’ll know the drill.
I’ve learned over the years that there are people on the internet who hate the idea of having to be around children. They believe public spaces are for grown ups and kids should stay at home. But I haven’t run into many of those sort in real life. Most people our family encounters smile when they see us, go out of their way to be helpful, and give me hope that humanity hasn’t lost the idea that children are precious gifts, not inconveniences.
So take your kids places. It doesn’t have to be a cave, an abbey, or a fancy hotel. You don’t even have to leave your hometown. But let them experience new things. They have every right to be there. They will grow and learn new skills. And the vast majority of folks you meet will be glad to see them.
Yeah. This. This is how I was raised and it’s how we’re raising our kids and you are absolutely right: Behaving properly in public is something kids can learn to do but only if we actually teach them.
Hi, Haley – I’ve just started following your blog and was tickled to see that you’re in the Twin Cities today (I live just outside Minneapolis) – welcome! You picked a beautiful day to come 🙂 Blessings to you and your family as you journey to your new home and new life. It’s fun following your adventures.
Sounds like a wonderful adventure! Some of the highlights of our 6-week x-country trip (6 kids & 2 adults in a 12-seater van) included visiting, staying over, & praying with the monks of Clear Creek Abbey (OK) & Holy Transfiguration Monastery (CA), as well as the monastic sisters of Christ the Bridegroom Monastery (OH). God bless you all!
SO happy you are enjoying your trip and things are going well. Ys for families with small children. They make the world a better place. Hugs!!
AMEN!
This is refreshing. Every time I fly with Celeste I get so anxious that people will give us dirty looks. I know I should’t care, but that’s just my personality. People with babies have to travel! Sometimes tiny humans need to go places! Put in your ear buds and watch the in-flight movie!
Love this! We try to keep this in mind with regard to Mass attendance especially–my dad doesn’t go to church, so sometimes when he is visiting he will offer to watch our 2-year-old Alex, if we want to leave him at home. But we always take Alex anyway, knowing that the routine of going every Sunday is good for him, and that the more he is there, the more he will learn how to behave appropriately and maybe even enjoy it. Here’s hoping!
Oh, St. Agnes! *hearts* That was our parish for nine years. Many of our experiences teaching children how to behave in Mass were there. It’s such a pleasure to be surprised by a picture on your blog. Thanks!
We moved to Heidelburg Germany when our five children ranged in age from 6 mos to 8 yrs old. We did not let that stop us from two yrs of exploring Europe
Haley, we love all of your – and Daniel’s – blogs. Just sent an email to introduce ourselves…This blog took us back to many an adventure with our 6 children. One of our family’s oldest and most quoted treasures is a picture of Pooh and all the gang, saying, “From the moment we met, I knew it would be a Great Adventure.” When my 19 year old was 3, he and I met the Dalai Lama unexpectedly. Your kids will speak of Merton’s house! Wow! What Blessings!
Yes! My kids really do almost always rise to the occasion. And when they don’t, it’s a learning experience for all of us! (And ice cream is motivational AND helps with stamina too.)
And what a blessing it was for those monks to have your children present! 🙂
I love this! These places sound amazing!!!!! I’m totally with you–young children definitely have the capabilities to act appropriately. Granted, some of this has to do with different temperaments among children, but I feel like a lot of it (though I don’t speak from personal experience, since I’m not a mom) is how we treat them and what we expect of them. This is why it bugs me when people do a lot of weird things to the Liturgy to make it “kid appropriate.” Umm…I know many, MANY children who know how to behave extremely well during the liturgy (even in lengthy Latin Masses), they just need to be surrounded by the expectation and environment and given time to actually learn how to behave 🙂 I appreciate what you and Daniel are doing for your kids, I think it’s awesome!
Thanks so much for this post! I do believe that children will rise to the occasion. Church can be a struggle with my 16 month old son, but we think it is so important for him to be there (how did you put it, “with other human beings?”) Amen. I love to hear about your family, because when I feel like we are the only family who values having our child with us, I always remember your stories.
I love this post- so wise! Your kids are learning so much…and most importantly, they’re learning that you believe they can be successful doing these things, which makes them that much more likely to decide to prove you right. I’m glad you’re having such a great trip so far!
Loved this post. I was at the Gethsemani monastery several years ago and it was beautiful. I went with a group from my church, I only live about an hour or so from there. last fall I took my kids up to the Archabbey of St. Meinrad in southern Indiana and they did great, for the most part. We attended mid-day prayer and my twins (3 at the time) did great, only had to take them out once. The baby was pretty good, but still had to step outwith him once or twice. The monks we met while we were their (I was with a few other families with small children) were very welcoming and loved seeing all the kids. We had a great time!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I feel EXACTLY the same way. We’ve even had family members look askance at us when we’ve told them we were traveling to a big city with our littles in tow. They do rise to the occasion, and if they don’t, then we move on to something else or go rest (because it usually means they are overtired). I think it is so important to teach our children how to behave in different situations outside the home because how will they learn otherwise?
So glad you guys are enjoying your trip! I’ve loved following along on Instagram! 🙂
Great post! Children bring their liveliness with them and it’s refreshing to everyone around them, even when they are a little crazy sometimes 🙂
Yes! Yes! And more YES! I really think having been able to take my now-2-year-old to daily Mass at least once a week while he was younger has immensely helped him not (always) be ridiculous at Sunday Mass. Same thing for other public adventures. Practice makes perfect, right?
Yes! Very much agree! It was very similar for us with our 3 little ones on our move from California to New York. Definitely some of best memories for sure! Godspeed with the rest of your trip! It seems to be wonderful so far!
So true! We take our kids all sorts of crazy places and they always surprise us! They aren’t angels, but they always get something out of the experience and we get more out of it with them there.
So great seeing you last night. Happy travels and make sure to take a pic of you in SD wearing a bonnet!
Amen to everything you wrote!! My baby girl is only two months old but I look forward to teaching her about the world IN the world. 🙂
Love this so much. I have a 2.5 and a 1 year old. Sometimes I drive by weekday mass, pull into the parking lot, longingly think about going in, but then chicken out so not to disturb all those senior citizen daily mass goers… Then I say a quick prayer and roll out! Maybe one day I will give it a go though!
Go! Everytime we do the older people LOVE it.
We don’t go out to eat very much for a number of reasons, one of which is that it just is not very enjoyable with kids. I noticed you said you take your kids out to the car if they do not behave at dinner. May I ask how that works? Does one of you (meaning you or Daniel) not get to finish your meal?
It can be really hard at first to eat out with kids. We have a 3-year-old and a 15-month old and I sometimes have to gird my loins before taking the two together with my husband. Usually if one of them gets too rowdy or fussy (almost always the younger) one of us will step outside with the kid. In emergency situations one of us will walk with the misbehaving kid home while the other packs up the food, pays, and leaves. It’s a bummer and in the moment it feels like it negates the point of eating out, but we’ve found that eating out gets exponentially worse if we start avoiding it, whereas the kids learn to behave better the more we do it. If you think of it as teaching them a life skill, rather than as something that will always be super enjoyable or relaxing, it goes much easier and when it does turn out to be enjoyable and relaxing, BONUS! But you do have to be on your A-game to go. We usually have awful experiences when it’s an Impromptu decision or we’re eating out because we’re too tired to cook. A few times (during the direst misbehavior phase) one of us would order and then pay for the meal and ask for boxes right then, so that if the kid was misbehaving, we could leave immediately to get the point across.
Thanks for sharing your experiences
Sorry hit submit before I was done. I really like your point about teaching them a life skill.
Oh my goodness! My brother is a novice at Gethsemane! The last time we were there with our kids (then aged 6, 4, and 2) I was SO nervous walking up to Mass when they had so many “please respect the silence” signs. My kids did fairly well, though. We’ll get to go back in the fall and that’s when we’ll get to see Merton’s cabin. I’m glad you had a nice visit.
That tour is great! We did that one last summer with our 2 yr old and 4 month old. The infant was in the Ergo and the 2 yr old walked the whole thing … he actually had an easier time than the adults, because he could squeeze through all the tight places (like “Fat Man’s Misery”!) .. except for the steps. He was really good, but because we counted to 5 over and over to get up all the steps … I’m sure the people behind us never want to be on a tour with us again!! Enjoy the rest of your trip 🙂
Totally agree! I think that kids (like most humans) rise to expectations. When we set the bar low, they don’t have a big reason to try. Why not try the “difficult” things and see how they do? It seems that more often than not, they can really surprise us!
I love this! This is our policy, too, and I think it really is the best way for them to learn!
I absolutely love this post. I never really thought about taking kids anywhere before I had my own. I had the idea in the back of my head that as soon as I became a parent, I’d be trapped on a carousel of home, parks, grocery stores, church, and soccer practice. You’re absolutely right–they deserve these new experiences and they won’t be able to add those skills unless they are given the chance. This makes me want to take my daughter out on an adventure!
Love following your road trip, and I totally agree with you about taking kids places :). We did a six-week road trip this summer too. We drove from Montana to Virginia, up to New England, and then back to Montana. The kids (ages 10, 8, 5, and 2) did an awesome job. We also liberally used Glory Stories, Story of the World, and audio books as we drove. We hit all sorts of historical sites, beaches, rivers, restaurants, camping, hotels, and on and on. This was our third 5,000ish-mile trip with the kids.
One summer, we drove the kids up to Alaska and camped the entire way up. We spent the summer there (my husband was interning at BP), and then we drove back to the Lower 48. Oh, the wildlife!
Once you’ve done this a few times, there will be some funny/awful moments with the kids. This is the risk we are glad to take! Your story about the cave reminded me of OUR version of caves. We took our kids (3 at the time) to a cave tour in Missouri, and my 4-year-old daughter freaked out halfway though the cave — screamed and wailed like you’ve never heard and, of course, it bounced off every wall. We had no escape. We were deep into a cave! Oh, I’m sure everyone hated us, and she is the kind of kid who is tough to calm down — took me a solid half hour to get her to stop, and I was sweating and praying through it all. But even in those tough moments, we look back and laugh. We tell the stories to them when they get older. We maybe avoid caves when our next child is four just to be on the safe side :). Keep going on adventures with your kids! They are so worth it.