“If you quit this program, you’ll become intellectually stagnant,” warned a professor, and fellow mom, who was urging me to finish my art history grad program instead of stay home with my 18-month-old son.
After graduation, almost all of my college friends went on to grad school. I took two years off while my husband Daniel finished his degree and we had our first child. It never really occured to me that we wouldn’t go to grad school. We loved college life. Having a close-knit community of other people who wanted to stay up late talking about books, crafting papers, and discussing ideas was ideal. We just felt at home.
And we were encouraged to pursue grad school by our professors. After all, they were the ones who had made it in academia. They had jobs. They got tenure. It had all worked out for them.
I applied to just one art history program. I got in, was offered a stipend, and spent a semester going to amazing lectures, working on papers at the library, and missing my little boy every second I was away from him.
Although I loved my classes, the pain of being separated from my son for so many hours a week motivated me to re-evaluate why I was in school and what receiving my degree would achieve. I had no choice but to work for the first year of our baby’s life so that Daniel could finish his thesis and wrap up his last few classes. Now that he was employed full-time, the separation was not as necessary. So was it worth it? I started to think it wasn’t.
Due to the Great Recession, everyone was going to grad school. Jobs in the humanities were increasingly difficult to come by. I knew that after completing my program there was no guarantee that I would find a job. We definitely would have to move. And after the rigors of a PhD program, it would take several more years to get tenure, if I was one of the lucky ones to receive it. While this would be difficult while caring for one child, it seemed increasingly difficult if our family continued to grow.
I knew a couple of women from my undergraduate years who managed to balance the demands of motherhood and academia gracefully, but I began to think that my desire to teach art history wouldn’t be enough to motivate me through a decade or more of stressful days and late nights.
But could my desire for a life of the mind be satisfied if I quit and stayed home with my kids instead? Would the days of discussing ideas, reading, and writing be over? Would there be anyone I could relate to in the stay-at-home mom world? Was I throwing away a chance for a good career and would I live to regret it later?
When a professor called me after I had expressed concerns about continuing in the program, it was as if all my subconscious fears were voiced. But bringing them into the light made it obvious how ridiculous they were.
In addition to foretelling an intellectually stagnant future she predicted that my “only friends will be moms” (eww, gross, right?) who will only be able to talk about diapers and kid stuff.” (This is clearly a ridiculous stereotype and false to it’s core, but I will add that there are no boring subjects, only boring people. A discussion of diapers can soon turn into a lively debate about cloth vs. disposable, the environment and stewardship of the earth, fair trade and small businesses, and early childhood development. So there’s that.)
And she explained, “You’ll never have a chance like this again, but your kid will be around forever.” (Last I checked, art history wasn’t going anywhere, but my kid is bigger every day.) I won’t go into the details of her next blow at motherhood when she tried to convince me that my physical presence at home wasn’t remotely necessary since “even a dog could take care of your child.” Not paraphrasing, folks. She really said that.
After the conversation was over, it became clear to me that those statements simply weren’t true. While being wonderful centers of learning, universities don’t have a monopoly on interesting thought. Lively intellectual discussion doesn’t cease because you leave the campus. Grad school is the perfect route for some people and can certainly be necessary to further a career, but it’s not the only way to have a life of the mind.
So I quit. I got a part time job teaching and choreographing for a ballet company. Then I moved on from that as my focus turned to writing. I had two more kids. I haven’t looked back.
Since leaving grad school I have actually read more. And instead of becoming an expert on one subject, I’ve become more well-rounded as I fill in the gaps in my education. Apparently, you can still read books even if you don’t have a student ID to get you into the university library.
I’ve written more than I ever did when I was in school. And I have the freedom to write about anything. Through the magic of the blogosphere, I can send my thoughts out into the world for other people, like-minded or dissenting, to comment, critique, and engage with. I can actually contribute to our income by writing–on my own time, as much or as little as I like and as fits in to our family life.
Now I’m not saying that opting out of grad school is the right choice for everyone. It’s not. And I’m certainly not saying you can’t be a good parent while tackling grad school. By no means. There’s good work being done in academia and there are great people doing it. It’s difficult and demanding work. The moms and dads I see working those early mornings and late nights to do research, teach, and be amazing parents, you’re awesome and I cheer you on. We know one inspiring family in our parish that has three young kids and they both teach and research. They work hard, raise great kids, and know way more about frogs than you do. It’s possible to do it well.
But you don’t have to go to grad school just because you could succeed there. And sadly, even if you do finish grad school, there’s no guarantee that you’ll get a wonderful position getting to teach what you love. I’ve seen so many friends desperately searching for jobs after devoting years to a degree they may never get to use. Especially in the humanities there are precious few positions available and so many applicants.
You don’t have to go to grad school just because you love to learn. You won’t forget how to read, write, or think if you choose a different path.
I get emails every so often saying, “I saw you quit grad school a few years ago, do you have any regrets?” I can truthfully say that I have not regretted my decision for one second. I love homeschooling my three kids and we hope for more children to fill our home. My work as a writer continues to grow. Our house is full of books and conversation. And even though I’m not sitting across the table from anyone in a classroom, lively debate happens all the time with friends across the dinner table and across the blogosphere. The world is bigger than the university.
So, how do you nurture a life of the mind outside of academia? Find some good friends who can challenge you with good conversation. Make a reading list of meaty books you want to read and stick to it. Organize a book discussion group. Join a writing group, or just exchange poems or essays with a friend who also loves to write.
Unless your career really requires that degree, you may just find that all the things you loved about academia can also be found outside of the university–perhaps around your dining room table. Just keep thinking, examining, and living life! And even if that life involves no papers to grade, but many diapers to change, I can assure you that you can still cultivate a vibrant life of the mind.
I, too, dropped out of Grad school. I will say that overall I don’t miss the office politics as a Conservative Catholic in anthropology (oye.). But I do miss that rush of busy-ness surrounding a new paper or a speaking engagement or that sense of purpose for a single idea that gets put to paper and then flourishes in some else’s research. I also miss working for hours in the library or lab with just myself.
However, I would be in a horrible state within my soul if I would have stayed. I am most assuredly a better person and Catholic now.
Yes, definitely. There were things I loved about academic life, but as far as writing goes I feel like I have all that excitement with blogging and sharing ideas with friends or online. It wouldn’t have been a good environment for my soul had I stayed, though! I’m such a people pleaser that I would have had a really hard time balancing school and family.
Interesting to see this first on the comments since I am a conservative Christian in my last year as an anthropology undergrad! So, it’s nice to see that there are other believers out there who like anthro 🙂 Though I totally know what you mean about the politics… both from other anthro majors who can’t believe I’m a Christian and other Christians who can’t believe I’m an anthro major.
And very good post Hailey! I’m just starting to think about grad school/phD and teaching (I wouldn’t go for a few years if I decide to) and this gives me some good things to think about since I also want to homeschool and be a very devoted mom/wife when I get to that stage!
Great post! I’m a class away from my BS in Health Science, but I don’t want to work!!! I love being at home more than anything! I’ve had one article published with Seton Magazine, and I’m dying to start a blog, but I’m scared! How do I overcome this fear? I’m very intimidated by the beautifully written blogs out there! (Ahem…yours!) thanks for your great posts!
Just go for it, Karen! We’re a friendly bunch 🙂 (And thank you!)
I hope you will teach your kids a bunch about art history. My mother is a (third- or fourth-rate) painter and informally taught all of us about it. When we went to the beach, we made sand cathedrals, not sand castles—I think a lot of them must have been Mont St. Michel or Notre Dame de Paris, because they all had moats around them! Later in life I thrilled a co-worker by tentatively asking her if the picture she was looking at was of the Ashcan school. And then what do you know? I married into a family of artists (and other things).
You just never know how you will use your education, even the informal stuff that you pick up. No kind of education is ever really wasted.
Aw, love that! “No kind of education is ever really wasted.” <---So true!
No education is wasted–yes! Every time my university calls to check in (and ask for money!) they ask if I am using my degree. Well, yes I am. Each and every day as I homeschool my kids.
Thanks for this post. I have a PhD but have chosen to stay home with my kids and have not regretted this for one moment. Sometimes it seems like academia is insecure and tries to drag everyone into their clutches. I still think and read and have a life of the mind too :-). It is interesting to think about schooling and life preparation and I wish alternative paths to intellectual development were more accessible to young people. I definitely question all the debt and time spent on formal education when the most fulfilling thing in my life has been raising my children. My family might be a lot better off had I spent a fraction of my time in education focusing on some domestic arts training!
“Sometimes it seems like academia is insecure and tries to drag everyone into their clutches.” I have felt that way, too, Mary! And I’m not sure if it’s just because it can be insular and we are influenced by the folks who were successful in academia who are excited about what they do and the life they know. I’m not sure. I mean, there are wonderful things about that life—but there’s a world outside of it, too.
I’m 23, in grad school, and loving it! That said, if I were married with a family, I would probably make the exact same decision you did Haley. Learning can be done everywhere and when you are a student of life and not tied to a specific program, you have the advantage of choosing exactly what you want to research, instead of having to write papers that you don’t love.
What are you studying, Rebecca? I think higher education is great and I plan to be the 80 year old woman trying to sneak into Shakespeare classes. So, yeah. Definitely enjoy it! 🙂
I’m studying rural community development and land use planning up in Canada, Haley! Although I definitely miss the humanities too. I probably spend as much time reading all these blog posts about the allegories and themes in great literature here and on Bearman and Kendra’s blogs as I do working on my assignments!
“The world is bigger than the university. ” yes! To this and so much of what you shared! I went to get school and completed multiple licenses prior to kids and marriage but when we had our first born letting them go have me such page while it ruffled so many some me. They were concerned at how much I was throwing away/wasting and how could I allow myself to grow stagnant after educating myself. I’ve never experienced what they felt. Saying yes to where I am had been wonderful. I’ve never looked back and never feel like I need to. And I’m excited about homeschooling when the time comes 🙂 such a great post Haley!
Thanks, Amanda! Like Melissa said above, a good education is never wasted 🙂
As someone who does work in higher education, I would be the first to tell you that it is not for everybody. 75% of instructors are now adjunct and the pay and insecurity is terrible. Many are on food stamps. It is extremely hard to use sick leave and many of the school policies make it very hard on families. Of my female friends that pursued tenure, most delayed having children until it was no longer possible or they had to use IVF. There are plenty of ways at home and in the community to seek intellectual stimulation.
Yes! The tenure timeline was kind of what pushed me to reconsider. Even if I do survive the program and actually land a tenure track position, so best case scenario, what would we be looking at? I couldn’t really wrap my mind around how we would have more children while I was trying to get tenure (people have done it, I know! But wow!)….so would we wait until after tenure? Would we still have time to expand our family by that point? Maybe. And I couldn’t really live with that maybe.
Hear, hear!! Well said!!
Thanks, Erin!
Bravo! Very well done, Haley.
Thanks, Mary!
This is a great post! I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd child when I completed my Master’s degree (Early Intervention: Special Ed. Birth – 5 yrs.). I was fortunate that I could take our 1st child to class with me, since I was nursing him. I’ve been home & homeschooling ever since & would not trade a minute of it for anything! Our eldest is now in his 2nd semester of college & our youngest is just learning to read. I always say that, as a Catholic homeschooling mom, I am now receiving the Catholic education I did not receive growing up (I went to public school & a state university). Sometimes, I think I have learned more than I have taught our children…& I know for a fact that they have been wise, wonderful & patient teachers to me along the way, as well! I wasn’t raised with too many skills in the domestic arts & have loved taking on the cooking, gardening, fermenting, sprouting, grain-grinding, lotion & laundry soap-making, etc. that keeps my family going. I can’t think of a better place for my mind & heart to be. God bless!
Thanks, Patricia! How cool that they let you bring your baby to class! And how bout you show up at my house and teach me all those skills? 😉
I went to grad school and finished, but I didn’t have a husband or kids to think about. 🙂 I’m glad I did it, because it’s opened up a lot of doors for me and I got to take some amazing classes, but I can honestly say that I’ve read a LOT more since grad school than I ever did during those two years. The education I’ve received via this reading is more valuable to me than the slip of paper (or sheepskin) that says “MA in theology” on it. I’m also blessed to have some really wonderful friends who are also delightfully nerdy, and we talk about big ideas all the time.
Having friends to talk about big ideas with is invaluable. 😉
I love this, Haley. I always loved school and the humanities and used to have in the back of my mind that I needed to go to grad school. My husband is in grad school now and I had a brief crisis of identity when we moved to a new place right after we graduated from undergrad and got married so he could pursue academia. Suddenly, everyone around me was a student: our new friends were also in his program, I worked at the university before we had our first kid. Who was I if not a student? And worse, how would people know I’m smart if I’m not proving myself in class? The Lord did a lot of work in my heart about my identity in Him and finding joy in the slow rewards of my vocation instead of Organization Kid-type achievement. Like you wrote, I learned I didn’t have to be enrolled in grad school because I loved to learn and, in fact, it gave me more freedom to pursue whatever I wanted.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that a lot of university education in the humanities now is credentialing and utilitarian. My husband studies theology and really struggles with the divide between pursuing the life of the mind and jumping through hoops to move to the next level. I’m more and more thankful I can set my own reading goals and pursue what I am interested in without the hassle of department politics, etc. I cringe a little at the “limiting and protecting” language in this Chesterton quote from What’s Wrong with the World but I really love the idea behind it:
The university looks a lot like that “madhouse of monomaniacs” sometimes. There are a lot of very esoteric journal articles being written that don’t have any sense of universality. Our role as mothers are to show a whole world to our children and cultivate a sense of wonder in every aspect of life. Not to denigrate deep study in one subject, of course, but I find a lot of freedom in the privilege to be broad in my pursuit of the life of the mind.
Ack, this ended up very long. But your post really resonated with me!
I definitely felt a similar identity crisis, Julia! I worked at our university while Daniel was finishing his degree and so I really hadn’t experienced anything but academic life until after quitting grad school. And it was scary to quit what I knew to face the unknown big world out there 😉
Yes!!! This one will be extra special to me since I opted for stay at home life instead of grad school too 🙂 My primary motivation for going to grad school was how much i loved being a student… Not exactly a reason to burden my growing fam with debt! This speaks so beautifully to what I have realized about education as a way of life!
Amen to that, Nicola! We want our children (& ourselves) to recall that learning (particularly about the Faith) is a life-long endeavor…it never ends! I think fostering in our children a love of learning & reading is one of the most valuable tools we can give them.
Alexandra, you raise a good point. Titles/degrees do not necessarily equate intelligence/learning. I am always amazed at the questions our 6-year old answers, especially theological ones. We joke that he is our mini-mystic. 😉 Honestly, I find children some of the most interesting (no pretension, no bias, no agenda) people out there!
Oops, that posted in the wrong spot…& I meant to say amazed at the questions our 6-year old asks!
Yes, Anne. As I began to realize that my studies were going to be primarily personal enrichment, we decided we didn’t really have the luxury to spend the time and energy on that and that I could pursue that enrichment outside of academia.
My father never went to college or grad school and he’s the smartest man I know. In fact he could probably tell you a thing or two about art history! He doesn’t have any degrees but he has a huge library and he taught me that you can learn about anything you could ever want to know on your own time with good books and good resources.
I love this, Nicola! I hope my kids can say the same of me when they are older.
I love that, Nicola. What’s that famous Mark Twain quote, “never let schooling get in the way of your education” ?
This is really important, Haley. My husband and I recently finished our PhDs at an Ivy-League University and we have a 14 month-old son. We were blessed to have the opportunity to earn advanced degrees, but the life of a recent PhD these days (especially in the humanities, as you mention) is tough, and job prospects are very uncertain indeed. And as a previous commenter noted, adjunct work (which we’re both doing for now) is the WORST. With so many qualified candidates (often c. 200, in our field) competing for every full-time job, it is very difficult to secure academic work that will support our family. I often wish I could impress on my students considering grad school just how unglamorous this “life of the mind” really is.
Now that I’m a mom and done with school, I have a much more open mind about how I want to spend my time and energy going forward. Being present to my son is my first priority, even if it means never holding a full-time academic position. You are so right that “universities don’t have a monopoly on interesting thought.” I am actually eager to step back from the rigors of teaching and research in a rather narrow field and to read and think more broadly. I am keenly aware of so many gaps in my education that I would love to fill, not through MORE school but through focused and thoughtful at-home reading and conversation with my husband and friends. Really, the most important thing I’ve taken away from my many years in school is an unquenchable desire to keep learning, day in and day out, wherever I am and whatever job I hold.
hear hear! As someone with two masters degrees, I have to say I regret all that wasted time and that even thinking about grad school gives me almost a PTSD reaction. I found my “life of the mind” only expanded again once I got out of school and started working in the real world. Grad school nowadays is a really miserable experience and the good academic jobs that await you are few and far between. Many of my friends seem permanently scarred by it, and in the best case scenario they are clinging on with an assistant professorship, running themselves into the ground.
I find my most meaningful and interesting thoughts are often spurred by my kids. (Some silly ones, too, of course!) As a grad student, you become an expert in some teensy, tiny, almost trivial aspect of some arcane field, and then learn to defend it tooth and nail. I looked into English grad school and realized that it would have sucked the joy out of some of my most beloved reads to have to dissect them and fit them into some theoretical construct. If only I had similarly escaped engineering grad school.
I love this, Annie: ” the most important thing I’ve taken away from my many years in school is an unquenchable desire to keep learning, day in and day out, wherever I am and whatever job I hold.”
This was a great post. Really, really great. Sometimes people falsely equate intelligence with degrees, or worse, think that learning is over once school is “done.”
Seeing as you were/are studying art history, it would be really cool if you could incorporate that into the blog. Maybe a recurring feature on Catholic art? I would LOVE something like that – some sort of feature showing different depictions of the crucifixion or Mary, and how that imagery changed over time.
I’ve thought about doing a series on Catholic art (medieval art was my fave) either here or maybe at Catholic Exchange! This gives me a little push, thanks!
YESSSS. Do it! I love art, but I feel like I don’t know all that much about it, the various movements and whathaveyou. I also would love to learn more about Catholic art, not just for education but purely selfish motivations – I’ve been wanting to hang more art in my house. 🙂
Please do! I’m a grad student on mat leave (on the fence about returning to my dissertation), and would love to learn more about art!
Loved this post! I chose an associates degree over a bachelors 25 years ago because of my family, and I have never regretted it. Occasionally I think about going back, but then I realize that I really like my life and there are so many other ways that I continually learn. And as a mother of grown children, I can say that some of the most important things I have learned have been from my children!
Learning with our kids is definitely one of the best things ever 🙂
Grad School drop outs unite! I didn’t get the lecture, but I sympathize with the sentiments – I left my grad program before I got married to work in my field back which was the smart decision back in 2006 when the bottom started to fall out of the “higher education idea”.
I’d love to go back to school either just as a student just to learn or to finish that degree (or a different one), but I want it to be on my own terms and not drive my family into debt. I’d love to get that Masters Degree in Costume Design, just to say I did it and have the experience, but you know what? I can do that when I’m 45 and my kids are busy with their own things and the rest of my life doesn’t hinge on getting the degree from the best school or getting the flashiest thesis project.
I’m looking forward to the next few years, moving (ideally) out of full time work and maybe getting to design and construct again; but at more relaxed pace.
Glad I’m in good company, Molly 🙂
My husband and I both decided not to go… for a lot of reasons. But many profs at Baylor actually discouraged me from applying. And those who wanted me to go on, were upset at me for getting pregnant. From my perspective at the time the choice seemed really clear. I actually cried when I sold all of my Greek grammars and dictionaries. They were a part of me, and a part that I can’t really get back. But there are certain times when we have to make a definite choice to leave something behind, and I think I made the right choice for me.
Yeah, how dare you get pregnant, Violet 😉 And I think you’re absolutely right. Something making the right choice means leaving something behind. And that’s not easy.
Thanks for writing a blog entry that managed to make both the decision to be a “working mom” and the decision to be a “stay at home mom” equally worthy of moral praise. Thank you for not prolonging the mommy wars! I learned so much from what you had to say.
Thanks, AB! <3
My son was born in the middle of my last semester of my undergrad. I defended my thesis via phone with a 2 month old making noise in the background. 😉
I’ve been slacking on reading and discussing, but I’ve been slacking on a lot of things in an effort to get my mama water legs.
In my case, having a child kept me from getting a needless graduate degree and caused me to find a more practical graduate program. I’ll probably be finished with it in my late twenties/early thirties, but I’m thrilled that I’ll have a 17 year old at 40.
BTW, I love yours and Christy’s podcast!
Thanks for your encouragement about the podcast, Susie! And when we got pregnant with Benjamin, Daniel and I said, “wow. It’s gonna be pretty great to be only 40 when our kid is 18.” haha!
Your post is wonderful–thank you! This issue tends to be an on-going “thing” in those stupid…ugh, going to say it as a whisper {mommy wars.} To use a degree or not, to go on to a promising career or not, there’s always someone willing to give an opinion on what someone else should or should not do. While completing my B.A. (early, so that I could get married & enjoy a few months before my husband would be starting HIS professional school), my adviser was worried that I’d lose sight of my potential, suggesting that I go straight for my Ph.D. & that he’d write me a letter of recommendation. I laughed, but he was serious. There’s no way I would have been happy doing that instead of what I did. Maybe someday it will happen, but for now, there’s enough to learn without seeking another degree. Fortunately, education is all around, & I LOVED your statement about the world being bigger than the university. We homeschool now, & I’ve learned so much through teaching my kids. 🙂
Yes! Thanks, Sarah.
Haley, this is hands down my favorite of your posts (so far). I always wanted to go to college being the lover of learning I am but, after getting pregnant at 17, I ended up not attending. Of course there is still time and of course I could have as many teen moms have done but by the time #2 came at 20 my husband and I knew that *this* is what we wanted to be doing with our lives. Everyone still thinks we’re crazy.
Sometimes when I run into people I haven’t seen in a decade or so and they ask me what I have been doing they either outright say or imply disappointment. “But you were so smart!” seems to be the consensus. I’ll admit that I have let that get to me more than once thinking I must have lost my mind (in more ways than one), that I must be stagnant because people assume I am and maybe they are seeing something I’m not. But, really, I didn’t lose my intelligence when I became a mother and opted out of higher education. I think as a society and especially as *women* who are expected to ‘lean in’ we put a lot more value in a college education then it maybe deserves. Not to say higher education isn’t a great thing (it so is) just that it doesn’t decide our worth as human beings, doesn’t lessen our other accomplishments, doesn’t decide our level of intelligence, and it certainly doesn’t change our thirst for knowledge.
“Not to say higher education isn’t a great thing (it so is) just that it doesn’t decide our worth as human beings, doesn’t lessen our other accomplishments, doesn’t decide our level of intelligence, and it certainly doesn’t change our thirst for knowledge.” <-- Yes! Thanks, Maggie.
Hey Hayley! Thank you so much for this piece. I am graduating with my undergraduate degree in the first week of May, and my husband and I are expecting our first child the last week of April, so I really needed this. A lot of well-intentioned professors and classmates keep asking, “What are you going to DO after graduation?” I have a knack for academics and I pride myself in my dedication to my studies, so this was a much easier question to answer before I found myself pregnant! While I love learning and studying more than almost anything, I can’t help but think that being away from my husband and daughter will be so challenging. I can certainly see myself pursuing a post-graduate degree, but there’s no shelf life on my mind. Babies, on the other hand, they don’t keep!
“there’s no shelf life on my mind. Babies, on the other hand, they don’t keep!” Totally agree.
Yes! I didn’t quit grad school, but I did lay down other opportunities to be a stay-at-home mom and met similar resistance from friends and family. Thank you for putting this so beautifully 🙂
Thanks, Thea <3
Dear Haley,
although I always read your blog I recognize I never leave meaningful comments. Well, this post really deserves one and I apologize if it is gonna be very long… but this is the first time I have the chance to put in writing my story and my thoughts on this topic, so I’ll go : )
You don’t know, but you really speak to my heart with your post.
Almost 10 months ago I moved to the US to follow my husband and his job. (we are italians! 😉 We are young, in love, child free for now so we though this should have been our life adventure! And it really is, indeed! We are loving your country so much. There is so much beauty here and no experience like living in a multi cultural country such yours could have strengthen more our faith.
I have a law degree from Italy and before we decided to move I was studying to enter into a Phd Program in history of law and legal theory. So when we moved I thought I had no other chance but to apply for a master in law here, and I did. My husband was very happy because he was starting to be afraid for me… aaaall alone in the house aaall day, in a foreign country! I was happy too because it was SO obvious for me that I had to continue to stay in the academia or get a super prestigious job. All my other friends are pursuing great careers and I am the only one who got married – not to mention some people’s comments about losing my brain after gettin married – so I thought that I MUST prove them that you can have the million dollars life, a 7 kids family… and a super model body!
I invested all my money in the master program and so I started. Back to law school again.
At the beginning it was very hard, especially because of the language. I was very frustrated. I started to think it was only because of that language issue, but the more I went on with everything, the more I understood that it was not only because of that.
I started to ask myself what it is gonna happen if I get pregnant or.. what it’s gonna happen if I do not get pregnant in the future because of my choice to put aside my fertility in favor of my career ?
A couple of weeks ago, one of my best friends called me from Italy and told me that he had met one of our law school colleagues. He is a Phd now and he is publishing pieces in different European countries (!)… We were friends back in law school and he even asked me out once.
My friend told me that he asked of me and when he found out that I got married and moved abroad with my husband, he said “That’s such a shame… I am supposing she’ll become a mum now. She was so smart until she fell in love! ”
That was rude, I know. But it touched me deeply because it was exactly what I was thinking about in the last months. Did I become stupid or what?! While everyone around me was planning career strategies and breaking up with boyfriend who did interfere with those plans, I was the freak who thought that wanted more than one child (Italy is right now one of the less fertile country of Europe -about 1.3 children per family-. Of course, this is only my experience but no one of my friends wanted kids before having a good job position, and it usually means not having kids before you are 33-35).
I started feeling sad and having troubles focusing on my study when I secretly realized something so beautiful and so scary at the same time:
I had always thought that my biggest achievement in life would have been to have an academic career and a family but these things are not equal. Someone greater than me was gently making me able to understand that everyone of us has a vocation and that vocation is so important, so urgent that it can change all your perspective of the world. Gad was gently opening my eyes to what I already knew but I was so scared to admit to myself.
When my husband and I decided to get married we knew we were taking a hipster decision, but there was no other choice because, again, it was a vocation, and when God calls you, you leave everything, more or less like st. Francis! But we’ve been called to live something even greater right now.
I am still in my master program, but there are only a couple of exams left. I do not want to quit, because of all of that I have invested and because no one of my degrees is accepted here without this master (and I do not know whether my life would force me to join the workforce for whatever reason someday), and also because I am enjoying this opportunity and I am grateful for that.
There are no plans after that. No super model bodies to achieve and no prestigious work position to get. The only plan is to listen carefully what God is calling us for and waiting for his most precious gifts.
We have never been so happy before.
ps. I can’t believe I pressing the “comment” button!!!
Love this comment, Paola! Thanks so much for sharing some of your heart. I love following you on Instagram and now I feel like I know you even better <3
I had hoped to get a doctorate in art history. Funny how things change. Now I’d still like to learn it all, but I don’t feel the desire or need for the degree.
Same.
I’m so grateful I made it through grad school because it allows me to stay home while providing a supplementary income for my family. I think the great point of this is following where God calls you. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from what the world says will fill you and trust that where you’re being led will be better.
Also, that Good Dog, Carl book is not actually approved parenting practice, but maybe your professor took it seriousl 😉
Totally. If I believed that getting that degree would mean I could find a good job that would help me work from home (like I do now) I could have pushed through. Since it looked like a big black hole of time, energy, and money, I’m glad I didn’t! But yes, grad school can definitely be the thing that makes the ideal work/life situation possible. So glad it worked out that way for you!
I think we can all agree that a follow-up post here should be called “10 Ways To Stimulate Your Mind (Outside of Grad School)” After my MA I do miss aspects of academia, but there are so many amazing resources out there on the internet! So many great organizations & professors have podcasts on various subjects… as you say, I’m filling in the “gaps” and pursuing things that interest me.
Academia is great if it’s your calling (and I have amazing friends who are taking it by storm!) but I also love trying to elevate the intellectual dialogue of those of us on the “outside” too!
Yes! A thousand times yes 🙂
Oh I just loved reading this. It’s something that I’ve been starting to write about, too. I just really despise the elitist attitude that a certain degree is the only evidence of being educated. I once worked full time and attempted a grad degree as well. Two kids later, I’m now a stay at home mom. I was nervous about not being academically stimulated after I made the choice. But then I found an amazing moms group at my church and I started to relearn everything about the Catholic faith. These women I met are so smart and we engage in very lively discussions about everything from faith to finances. You’re so right… when you leave academia or the work force, you just have to try a little harder to find a community of people who will challenge you and encourage you to grow. And, you must do the same for others!
Great post!
Thanks, Courtney!
Interesting to see how many people this is an issue for!
While I have always wanted a PhD in one of the humanities (English or history), I have come to the realization that — for me — it would be merely indulgent. Now, I do have a Master’s degree (in education … one of the dullest subjects possible to study! at least, the way it is taught in mainstream degree programs), and have taught middle and high school. Originally I intended to go back, but after teaching very needy students in an urban (poor) Catholic high school, I realized that it was far more important to be teaching those particular children, then to be dedicating time to researching and writing yet another book on the Oxford movement, or Emily Bronte, or what-have-you (not to say this is not worthy work for some people … but for myself, I saw that it would be somewhat indulgent to leave these children and go work on something to satisfy my own curiosity, and to some extent, as others above have touched on, to “prove” that I was smart.) I had a conversation on this topic with a much-respected nun at one of my schools, and she really opened my eyes to the important work that needs to be done at the high school level. Sure, it’s not as glamorous or prestigious, but it is at least as important.
Jobs in the humanities are so few and far between, and so hard won, and so insecure; I do feel at peace that I have made a better decision, and am content to stay home with my littles and teach a bit on the side. I still have a twinge of envy of those who do have that degree, but in real, every day life, I think I’ve chosen the better part (for me)!
Bernadette, thanks for sharing your story. Reading these comments is absolutely fascinating. I had no idea that this issue was something so many other women struggled with!
Such a great discussion, Haley! I dropped out of a PhD program after the first semester and instead used those credits to apply to a master’s degree that I was able to finish up with just one more semester. I left because I wanted to be more present in my marriage and for the hope of kids sooner rather than later. I felt almost embarrassed to tell people about it for way too long. But now, I can see how right that decision was and how much better my life became for it! Thanks for helping those of us who made this same choice not feel so alone!
Well as you can see from all these comments, Alicia, A LOT of other women made similar decisions, so we’re in good company 😉
I enjoyed this post and want to bring up an important element that many commentators have not addressed: class.
Choosing not to work is a class privilege and frankly, a gender privilege, too. How many men do you hear say, “I don’t need to worry about making a living because my wife will provide. I don’t need to work.” ? This assumption, maybe even expectation, that one will not need to work is not shared by lower-income folks, particularly lower-income minorities.
As others have said, there is dignity and importance in many areas: being at-home parents, working in academia, etc. My hope is that we could shift the conversation from [judging] individual choices to more awareness of and critical conversations about the larger structures and institutions ( i.e., class, race, sexism) supporting or hurting the ability to make these seemingly individual choices. This starts with better naming privilege.
Thanks for weighing in Sarah.
Actually, men make up a growing number of stay-at-home parents. Literally millions of men in America say exactly what you wrote: “My wife provides.” Also, when I left grad school, it wasn’t to enjoy a life of leisure and privilege. My husband’s full time job and my part time job, generated an income well below the poverty line. We made incredible sacrifices to be able to raise our family in the way we thought was important. To dismiss this decision out of hand as a result of privilege is a bit hurtful. And, you seem to be implying that this post was judgmental of others. I don’t see that at all. Shifting the conversation away from individual choices would, I think, convolute the issues. And, as many of the comments here show, lots of women feel pressured by an assumption that they OUGHT to have a career in academia in order to be successful. Discussing that pressure is not unimportant. I absolutely agree that discussion of the larger structures of institutions is important–and I think discussing the pressures placed on women to make certain choices is part of that conversation.
“To dismiss this decision out of hand as a result of privilege is a bit hurtful.”
Thanks, Haley! My husband and I also aren’t living the life of luxury. We are doing far better now but when we made the choice that I wouldn’t work and that we’d continue to have children it was a huge sacrifice not “oh, well I guess we’ll only vacation once in Europe this year” as so many like to think.
And just to throw it out there, I am a lower income minority. I was raised by a mother on welfare. When I chose to stay home we lived in a one bedroom apartment. Yes, I believed my husband would provide and he has (and we are doing a lot better these days) but “providing” meant roof over head and food on the table, nothing more or less.
Hi Haley,
It wasn’t my intention to to cause hurt or minimize the sacrifices you and your family have made for you to be an at-home parent, merely to raise a component that had not been addressed, and I am truly sorry to have hurt you.
I think we are seeing things in a different way, but are perhaps more in agreement than we realize. For me, all of the comments seem to indicate that many women felt judged by professors, classmates, and family for not pursuing an academic career, so when I said I wished there was less personal judging, I meant that I wish these women had not faced judgement for their personal decisions, not that your post was judgmental of others. Their personal decisions, in turn, take place in a society that defines achievement and success by titles, salary, degrees, prestige, etc— things that can cloud out seeing someone’s value simply for being a child of God.
As Molly pointed out, class can more specifically come into the question of grad school when it is about pursuing a degree more for intellectual enrichment than employment opportunity. But is the belief that more education via formal schooling makes one “smarter” or a better steward of one’s gifts not also a class bias?
Hi Sarah, I really appreciate that you clarified your comment and I apologize for misinterpreting your original statement! Glad you join into the conversation 🙂
Sarah – I can appreciate the outlook, but I think you’ve jumped to a different conclusion that this entry was not about.
This post isn’t about work/not work; it’s about more or less education. Many of us who’ve said “no” to a grad program don’t do so not work – we often are choose to work over continuing as a student.
In that regards the choice to continue with an education that might not offer job security is actually the class issue. Today even doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, etc. aren’t gauranteed a job with their higher education let alone those who persue Master’s Degree solely to be academics. And being able to continue with a higher degree is often the result of class issues more than the decission to drop out of that particular race and work (or in some cases, yes, to shift your work into the non-monetarially compensated home sector). When a higher education’s purpose is not to provide a set core of skills (like a doctor, archetect, etc. would gain), but rather to persue the intellectual/academic tract it is those who have means to fall back on who are often the ones who can persue those roads without worry of their financial implecations.
I appreciate the idea to dialogue, but this post is simply about the idea that without higher education we’ll become socially or intellectual stagnant which just isn’t true.
Molly,
You’re right; re-reading Haley’s post and my comment, I see that I’m looking at a slightly different topic. Thanks for sharing and stating much more eloquently how class plays a big role in the choice to pursue a graduate degree for personal fulfillment rather than employment opportunity.
I had plans of Grad school, too, but we had our son while I was still finishing undergrad.
For our circumstances, we couldn’t afford grad school, though I always intended to go back in the future. Instead, I have been working full time (in an unrelated field, because BA in History and Anthropolgy) and I actually feel like I have grown intellectually stagnant. But, not because I didn’t continue with school, but because my office job is not stimulating and still takes up time I could be spending at home with my kid (soon to be kids) and growing in other ways.
Obviously your situation is very different from mine, but do you or any readers, have advice on intellectual growth while working FT in an unfulfilling job and being a mother?
(This sounds like a pity party, but I don’t mean for it to).
Amanda – Feel free to shoot me an email mollymakesdo @ gmail dot com. I’m in a similar situation, full time work, motherhood, not related to what I went to school for. Maybe I can offer some advice =D
Hey Molly, t hanks for your reply. I have been super busy but I fully intend to em a il you soo. I greatly appreciate your offer!
My husband and I mortgaged our future to student loans to get through graduate school. And now, at age 40 have to start all over again when academia ran dry (the baby boomers will retire! There will be plenty of tenure track jobs! OOPS. They all switched to adjunct poverty pay model/are denying tenure to open more adjunct lines). The decision to work full time was made for me BY me at the same age my oldest will be when we finally (if we can stay employed) will pay off our loans. Ouch.
One anecdote – as a senior in college I decided to search out a female mentor who had “made it” in my field and was happily married. I couldn’t find one and it was only during graduate school that I heard about one. Everyone who had “made it” was divorced. Everyone who was happily married didn’t get tenure. As a result, I quickly switched my dissertation research into a Masters thesis, finished quickly and began to work full time in a different field. so that my PhD bound husband wouldn’t be hindered by me. Lots of feminist mixed feelings wrapped up in that, but ultimately I am very very happy I stopped with the Masters as I’ve enjoyed my career. Except now I’m trying to advance to perhaps support our family (see tenure lines being cut) and Director level positions are preferring PhD’s… and all my years of experience and “paltry” MA can only compete so much.
Excellent post you did, Haley. I know many will stumble across it and find it useful in making their own decisions!
I could write so much about this, and I wish I had time to read and respond to all your comments!! This is so interesting. I have 2 master’s degrees and was on the PhD track for the majority of my 20’s. Thank goodness that I got out, in the sense that getting a tenure track job with a PhD in the humanities or fine arts is essentially like winning the lottery. I can’t tell you how many friends I have who are unemployed PhDs, or who are underpaid/overworked adjuncts with no benefits, health insurance, etc. I had to sort of re-invent myself in order to make a living, and I work in higher education now, but not on the teaching side. It’s a system that continues to educate people in order to sustain itself, and yet the graduate school degree does not guarantee you a job. I challenge all my friends who keep at the schooling or go back to school to consider WHY they are doing it. If it’s for betterment, self-improvement, etc., then great. I just want to caution people that you can no longer expect that it’s for more gainful employment. I also had the realization that I was basically putting my life on hold for at least 20 years – finish a doctorate, get experience teaching, finally get a “real” job and tenure track, get tenure, then life begins.
In my experience, academia (especially graduate level) was one of the most unhealthy environments I’ve ever encountered. A friend of mine was told to cut down on her sleep to meet a deadline (this is already after surviving on 4 hours or less a night). My advisor told me once that she didn’t sleep for 2 weeks in order to finish a book. She also advised me to put off marriage and children until the PhD was complete. Competition is fierce among some students in some fields. And, if you stumble upon a topic that is too good, your advisor may “steal” if from you or try to prevent you from publishing in that area in order to gain it as their own. (That actually happened to 2 friends of mine.)
All that to say, that after I finally recovered from grad. school, I realized that you go to school so that you can LEARN TO LEARN. In some ways I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything. I am extremely disciplined, I know how to write, I know that if one wants to become an expert in anything, it’s possible with time and effort. In other ways, it was somewhat of a waste to become such an expert on such a small topic. And the stress of treating academia as life or death is SO unnecessary. I try to read one book a week now about topics that interest me, and I think my friends are interesting and intelligent, regardless of educational background.
Good for you for not letting a “dog” raise your child, and for following your heart. I wish academia could get a sanity check before rendering itself extinct. I also think the true “war on women” lies in forcing us to make such choices because there is NO flexibility for family life.
Sorry for the brain dump, but you’ve hit a nerve, and I know exactly where you’re coming from.
I second the motion for a follow up post on improving a life of the mind. I feel like I’ve been running a marathon at a flat out sprint since graduating six years ago. First working for three years, then having three kids and switching jobs (me and husband) three times… Ugh. I haven’t picked up a decent book since last Lent when I forced my way through Wuthering Heights and Emma. My youngest is coming up on eight months old and I feel like I’m finally coming out of the postpartum fog. Just in time for another reading project in Lent. Suggestions?
You make such a great point that encouragement to go to grad school comes from the PhDs who actually made it and got tenure – of course they’ll recommended it and look past the negatives. Especially now when humanities jobs are scarcer and the pool of grad students is growing, the whole academia system feels so broken. It’s ridiculous what extreme sacrifices it can demand – like living several states away from your spouse – for rewards that aren’t guaranteed.
I still toy with the idea of getting a PhD one day, but for the moment I’m much happier working with just my MA. Reading books for fun and not for class might even be more fulfilling! I know so many people, non-Catholics included, who have modified or abandoned grad school plans because it wasn’t the best choice for their family and personal life.
I second the commenters who asked for some art history posts – you’ve got some willing students right here!
This is very interesting, Haley. I am getting married in a few months and then graduating with a BA in December….and I am unsure about grad school. I want to get a MLIS…..but I also see myself having children and staying home, if possible, so I don’t know whether to get it immediately after my BA and then possibly not use it or to wait and then possibly never get it. Librarian jobs are kind of like professorships in a way….few and far between.
Haley, I wish I had your wisdom and foresight when I was getting my JD. I started when my son was 1 year old and I desperately wanted to quit after a semester. I stuck it out and got my degree, but I have regretted it. It was a waste of time and money. Sometimes I run into a working parent who clearly believes I am an imbecile because I am a stay at home parent. I feel like an undercover brain in food smeared clothes and a pony tail.
Haley, This is such a great topic- and obviously generating lots of interest! I have my ph.d. in clinical psychology (graduated in 2012, finished fellowship in August of this year). I’ve often said I’d never, ever do it again. It took a LOONG time (8 years, all said and done), it involved moving to multiple different cities, and I ended up in a field that is in serious opposition to church teaching. :-/
BUT, before I wish it all away, I have to remember that when I entered in, I prayerfully considered my choices and it seemed like a good idea. After my son was born during my third year I REALLY wanted to walk away with my master’s, I prayed (a lot) more and felt the call in my heart to “love the unloveable.” The call came in the form of a homily and it was the most peace I had felt in a long time. Of course, there are many ways to love the unloveable, but to me my work in psychology was a direct way to do so, since SO many people come to therapy feeling unloveable. So I stayed, and I continue to stay, hoping and praying that I’m living out the call. My husband and I have wished and hoped for a big family, and I’m open to the idea that I could walk away if God ever blesses us with more children. At the end of the day, I just hope to continue to renew my “yes” to God and discern his plan for me.
Oh my goodness! This post really spoke to me. I’m currently in graduate school and almost every single day I question if it’s really worth it!
Oh man. I am in the middle of a will-I, won’t-I relationship with my Classics PhD program. I’m 4 1/2 years in, ABD, with a new baby. The number of times I’ve even thought about my dissertation in the past few months is absurdly low. The odds of my ever getting a tenure track job are poor and I have big doubts about whether I want that at all, much less whether we’d survive as a two-professor family when we want several more kids. But the thought of leaving after putting in so much time makes me kinda queasy. For now I’m staying, because I can work slowly from home, but I don’t know how long it’ll last. Either way, I already have my MA so I hope to do some part-time teaching down the road, at a junior college or high school or as an adjunct at a university.
So – I love reading from your perspective to remind me that there’s life and fulfillment “on the other side.” 🙂
I’m feeling ready to get stimulate my brain again after a difficult (and rather braindead) pregnancy. Hey, did you hear the news about To Kill A Mockingbird? I’m thinking book club. . . 😉
I’m excited about the Sequel as well and I’ve heard most positive things about the release, but then Al Kresta on EWTN radio seemed to cynically suggest there was some other motivating force for her to release it now. He might just be stirring up trouble, but I’m definitely curious to hear the story unfold!
Thanks for this post! I’m about to finish my degree in history and medieval studies, and I’ve been feeling really down about it because everyone keeps asking “what are you going to do with that?” and what my grad school plans are. I don’t have any plans to continue with academia (well, not in the foreseeable future at least) because I have plans to get married and start my family next, and I really don’t see myself enjoying trying to juggle babies and thesis writing haha. I’ve been feeling like I’m disappointing people or like maybe my life will have less meaning in it once I’m out of school, and I really needed the reminder that you can still learn and have intellectual passions outside of the university…plus family brings more joy and meaning to our lives than any graduate program does.
I wholeheartedly concur. I thought about doing grad school *and still, I ponder Sewanee’s Creative Writing MA from time to time,* but it’s not in the cards for me at this singular moment in time. And yet- I have found that reading books and having intelligent conversation is not just possible, but very possible as a Mom of 4. I read at night, at nap time, on the weekends when I can, and hey, there isn’t much stopping me from (maybe) someday going back to school when the kids are a bit older.
This post really spoke to me. I am now finishing a masters thesis on a subject that I love, but really only went on with the masters because of the family/social pressure. Because I study a field with 0.00000000857% of probability of work in this area I have spent the last six years working (unhappily) in department stores, to pay the bills, without hope for anything my field after I have the masters degree. I would be most happy without ANY college degree and being able to devote myself to something else that pays the rent AND makes me happy. Ah, and let me ad, whenever I talk about getting married and having a baby my mother becomes hysterical and says that I am “wasting my intelligence”. The pressure to be the “modern woman”, whatever that is, is starting to became laughable.
3 years ago I got my PhD in political science. I started before I got married, and I enjoyed it for the most part, but finishing was tough because I had a toddler and a baby. Towards the end I became disillusioned with my field and with the academia in general and knew I would not pursue a career as a lecturer. I am glad I finished my degree but I don’t think that this is the only way to be intellectually engaged. I have gone back to literature and feel that my choice of reading is intellectually stimulating and very satisfying. I now have time to read all sorts of things, and not just academic articles relevant to my field.
Just wanted to thank you for your post. I’m an LDS stay-at-home mom with a master’s degree and I have so many friends in the same boat: bright, intellectual women who have given up master’s or PhD programs to be moms because we feel it is more important and more meaningful. That doesn’t mean that we don’t occasionally grieve for the academic environment and community we’ve given up. I shared your post on my Facebook wall because I knew it would resonate – sure enough, the comments and reshares prove it! PS, I love your blog; many of your experiences (religious, academic, and parenting) sound so much like my own! Fun to hear about like-minded people I would never get to meet otherwise 🙂
Thank you so much for the post! I would love to hear more about nurturing a life of mind and the importance of it. My husband and I find it difficult to find friends who are willing to have conversations which require a deeper level of thinking. I don’t know, maybe it’s where we live or maybe we are not putting ourselves out there enough. I’m a firm believer in multigenerational fellowship and church fellowship, but even so it seems that there are so few who want to talk. Most days we end up on the blogosphere which is fine but definitely different than sitting down to the table with friends for good food and discussion. We miss that about living in a large university city (we live in a small town now). Anyway, thanks for reminding me of something that is important!
Haley, another great post! Thank you! I have to agree with the other commenters that I would love to see a follow up post on how you (and other mamas) keep your minds sharp post degree. After my first daughter was born, and my husband and I were at a dinner party, I discovered that I have NOTHING to add to the intellectual conversation. Since this realization, I do my best to read books, listen to TED talks, keep up on blogs and articles…. It’s just not the same rigor as keeping up with class readings. Thoughts?
Oh, my how I love this! I didn’t quite make it to the grad school debate since my unexpected blessing came during the sophomore year of my undergrad. When I dropped out to raise our son, my husband promised that I would go back and earn my bachelor’s. He fretted and worried when God called him to get his Master’s Degree since I still hadn’t finished my bachelor’s. But we followed God. And even though he is now working on a doctorate and our son is securely in high school (once again after much prayer), I still haven’t gone back. It’s not just about having the time or money. I just don’t feel led to pursue that kind of formalized, one-track education. If I were to go to university to study for a degree I would have to pick a program and adhere to those limits. As a life-long learner, I pursue anything I want to learn. I can take classes at my leisure, read what intrigues me, and search out knowledge that will build up! Since we homeschool, I get refreshers in all the basics and I get to help my son learn how to pursue what fascinates him. Not to mention that since we are a close family and have discussions regularly, I benefit from the areas that my husband has studied. I’ve even debated some of his peers! To think that a formal education is the only path is short sighted. The thing we’ve been called to do is obey God, whether that is through a university-led degree program, staying at home, or anything in between.
I absolutely loved college. I majored in history and have thought about going back to grad school for art history or writing, or something along those lines. But, we are expecting our first child at the end of next month, and I plan on staying home with her. I need good and frequent adult conversation and lots of reading time to feel mentally stimulated and creatively inspired. Knowing I won’t have quite as much time for that scares me a little bit, but because I know how important it is to my mental well-being, I plan on making it a priority. I don’t think I will ever regret not going back to school as long as I can stay creative and inspired for our family! I think it is important. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
Great post–I too gave up the dream of grad school for staying home. I’d gone back-and-forth for years, but the last decision was made when I skipped the GRE after getting my second son’s positive pregnancy test!
It definitely requires discipline to keep up an intellectual life as the family grows. There have so been times when I’ve let it slip, and then felt discontent. My goal is to read great literature along with the history that my children are learning, but sometimes I can barely keep up with the books they are reading!
I like that idea of reading classics alongside the history! I get grumpy when I don’t read. 🙂
This was an incredibly encouraging post for me to read – and very timely to my current place in life. I have been playing with the idea of grad school since graduating from college three years ago. I’ve had people warn me that my mind will shrink without it. Though I have yet to decide, I appreciate your perspective and am eager to use all my life as a learning opportunity – not just grad school.
Yes, Yes, YES! I had been mulling over this same thing for months, too, and wrote something similar on my own blog. I never wanted to immediately go to grad school after graduation, but have felt the desire to go back every once in awhile, usually when I’m feeling unlike myself–too many kid issues and not enough alone time–but I know that right now is not the time. I loved what you had to say here and I think this is an encouraging post for those of us who decide to raise children full time, but sometimes wonder “what if”.
Sarah M
Here’s the link to my Pt. 1 // http://ssmast.blogspot.ca/2014/11/self-directed-creative-pursuits-or-how.html
this is so refreshing. i have a BA in art history and figured i’d have to go on to get a doctorate if i really wanted to do anything with it (meaning curating or working in auctions). i did thrive in the academic environment and i loved going to class and learning every day. but since i graduated (and had two babies), it’s been neat to see how my art history background worms its way into my daily interaction with my kids (dissecting paintings together and encouraging them in their own art) as well as how i continue to learn through reading and finding local ways to inject myself into the art scene with other, like-minded moms. it’s been fun. 🙂
I love that. I’m so grateful for my education and I think it makes me a better mother and better human being in general 🙂
Thank you for your post!
My decision is trickier. I’m in a fantastic PhD program now. I have a year and a half of coursework left plus comps and dissertation. But I met the man I think God is calling me to marry. We live in different states. I want to be a stay at home mom and homeschool, God willing. I’m not sure though whether it’s worth finishing or leaving off my program so I could move out to where he is sooner. I’m getting worn out, too.
Not trickier, sorry. I mean I haven’t heard many people talking about it, so I have less guidance.