Tag Archives: birth control

Catholicism: Empowering Women for 2000 Years (Part IV: “My Body Isn’t Broken,” The Church and Contraception)

Posted on February 19, 2013 by Haley | 39 Comments

Another post about birth control, Haley? Really? It’s true. Sorry, folks. But I think Catholic teaching on contraception is really crucial to understanding the respect for womanhood that the Church affirms. This is Part IV of this series, so be sure to read about how Marian doctrine, the Catholic understanding of vocation, and the female saints and doctors of the Church empower women before starting on Part IV.

The Church’s stance on birth control is one of the most controversial issues of our day. Why should women be enslaved to pregnancy and child-rearing instead of pursuing something, anything else? Why should a woman’s right to contraception be taken off the table? Why is the HHS Mandate such a big deal? Does the Church just want all women to be oppressed, barefoot, and pregnant in the kitchen? These questions completely miss the point. Far from wanting to degrade women, the Church always wants to honor womanhood.

Before our conversion, I was on the Pill for a year and a half. We got married young, I was only 20, Daniel was 21, and we were both still in college. At the time we were attending a Baptist church. I can’t tell you how many of our well-meaning friends and members of our faith community asked when they heard of our engagement, “So, Haley, have you started taking birth control, yet? Because you gotta take it a couple months ahead of time for it to be really effective so you don’t end up pregnant!”

Apart from being a really invasive question, what kind of message did that send to me? A. Pregnancy is a disaster that needs serious prevention in order to be avoided. B. There is something flawed in the way your body works. You need a prescription to fix this problem you have so that you’re not the cause of a horrible inconvenience (at best) to yourself and your poor husband.

These folks had our best interests at heart. But far from feeling liberated by this push for the Pill, I felt ashamed of my womanhood, embarrassed of my pesky fertility. The way my body was created was clearly flawed. I had a serious problem and it hinged on the unfortunate fact that I was born a woman.

Fast forward to when I quit taking the Pill my last semester of college and got pregnant just after graduation. Unplanned, unexpected, but we were indescribably happy about it. Assuming we were disappointed, many of our friends attempted to commiserate with us. “Wow. Your life is really gonna change,” they’d grimace. “Things are gonna be different” was about the most encouraging phrase they could muster. The pastor at our Baptist Church even asked, “This wasn’t planned, was it? I mean, you’d have to be crazy to want to be pregnant right now, in your situation!” Our situation being that we were young and Daniel had another year of school to finish and a thesis to write

That attitude really was a storm cloud over my glowing happiness. I had failed. I had ruined us. There was something wrong with me and because I hadn’t altered the way my body worked with meds, I was supposed to feel embarrassed or stupid or ignorant for “getting us into this situation.”

I can’t tell you the striking difference between this mindset and the way Catholics responded to our big news. There was no pity in our Catholic friends and professors faces for this hapless young couple. They were actually excited! “Praise God!” they’d say. “What a blessing! How wonderful!” Maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me? I wondered. Maybe it’s not insane to be thrilled that we’re expecting before having our careers settled and being financially secure. Maybe this womanhood thing is something to celebrate?

As we began reading the teachings of the Church on marriage, fertility, and contraception, I started to think about my body differently. There wasn’t anything broken about it. There wasn’t anything to apologize for. By making procreation a central feature of sex, we were honoring each others’ bodies and their Creator. We were fearfully and wonderfully made and we could embrace the womanhood and manhood we brought to the marriage bed. We could be sub-creators, participants in God’s redemptive, creative work and that miraculous creation of a new soul could happen within me.

Instead of something to be ashamed of, I began to celebrate the unique honor of my womanhood. Because God has given women an opportunity to share in his creation that men will never have. My husband will never know what it is like to grow new life inside himself. Granted, he will also never know what it feels like to throw up everyday for several weeks due to extreme morning sickness. I’m not saying pregnancy is easy or without sacrifice, but it is cosmic and amazing. An eternal soul is entering the world and I have been chosen to participate in this work. I am honored. I am celebrated.

If we think that by denying our fertility we are being liberated, we have been sadly taken in. By divorcing procreation from sex, women are degraded. We have to apologize for our womanhood, the possibility that we might get pregnant and inconvenience someone. Better to have a surgical procedure render us sterile so that we don’t ruin any poor man’s life by landing him with, of all things, a baby.

One of the lies about contraception is that increased access to the Pill decreases the number of abortions performed. That’s rarely true and misses the big picture which is that when a country turns to a contraceptive mentality, changing it’s view of the purpose of sex, the abortion rate increases:

“Contraception has been shown to decrease abortion rates primarily in countries with already high abortion rates. These represent a minority of countries. Contraception has been shown to increase abortion rates primarily in countries with already low abortion rates. These represent a majority of countries. Contraception has been shown to slightly reduce abortion rates after its initial increase of abortion rates, but has never been shown to reduce abortion rates back to pre-contraception levels.” (Read more of this article about the studies on this topic in detail.)

When we no longer value the way God created women, and prescribe a medical fix for their natural fertility, are we really respecting womanhood?

Catholic teaching about marriage, sex, fertility, and contraception affirms the value of women and protects us from degradation. As a Catholic woman, I can fully embrace my body. I don’t need to apologize for my womanhood. I am honored and celebrated.

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Posted in catholicism, Family, Marriage, Motherhood

Tagged birth control, Catholicism, contraception, family, female empowerment, marriage, sexuality, the pill, women's issues

What’s the Big Deal About Birth Control?

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Haley | 101 Comments

First of all, thanks for your encouragement about our decision to neither avoid or attempt to achieve pregnancy. And as a follow-up to yesterday’s post about our super rad birth control method (AKA: none), some lengthy and very incomplete thoughts on contraception:

Since the HHS Mandate, there has been so much press about Catholicism and contraception. SO MUCH PRESS.

You may be wondering: “What’s the big deal?! What’s wrong with birth control?”

I’ll briefly (super briefly) go into the practical issues and the broader theological considerations. But, this post wasn’t written to convince you to quit using birth control, or make you feel judged for using it. Nor is it a thorough apologetic of the Catholic view of marriage and fertility. It’s an explanation of why we’re living our life in this crazy, wonderful way.

For one, I’m kind of a natural gal. I like my meat local and organic (I can prove it by showing you our freezer which is filled with ½ a pig my husband butchered). I like my eggs to be from our front yard chickens. I like to eat veggies from our garden. I like real wood and glass instead of plastic. I don’t like taking antibiotics unless they’re necessary. I’ve been blessed to be able to birth naturally and drug-free. I breastfeed and make my own baby food. I like to consider the source of things: What was I created to eat? How was my body made to work? Why then, would I medicate my fertility, as if the natural state of my body is diseased and needs to be altered with drugs? I think my body is just fine as it is, thank you. I’m not interested in fighting my biology by forcing my body to be sterile. So, oral contraception like the Pill or any other hormone altering contraception is obviously out (you can read here about how miserable it made me feel physically, as well as the possible abortive properties of the Pill)

But what about barrier methods, like condoms, that don’t put nasty hormones into my body? Well, among many other reasons, I think they kind of ruin the aesthetic of what sex should be. In my opinion, they’re kind of gross and make sex less fun. So, no thanks.

As for surgical sterilization…do I even need to address it? Surgically altering my body just because it’s working correctly?

Anyhow, as for theological considerations, what is sex for? Sex was created to serve both a unitive purpose and a procreative purpose. To promote the intimacy of the marriage and to make babies. When the procreative aspect of sex is divorced from the unitive aspect, the potential problems are numerous and I can’t possibly cover them all. But here’s a few examples: first of all, the spouses cannot give themselves fully to each other when part of themselves (their fertility) is being held back. By severing my fertility from sex, I am holding something back from my spouse. By denying my fertility as part of what makes me a whole person, my spouse would be saying essentially: I want you…but not ALL of you. Not that pesky fertility.

The Blessed Pope John Paul II writes in Familiaris Consortio: “…Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is by no means something purely biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and a woman commit themselves totally to one another until death. The total physical self-giving would be a lie if it were not the sign and fruit of a total personal self-giving, in which the whole person, including the temporal dimension, is present: if the person were to withhold something or reserve the possibility of deciding other wise in the future, by this very fact he or she would not be giving totally. This totality which is required by conjugal love also corresponds to the demands of responsible fertility.”

My other issue is that severing procreation from sex contributes to the degradation of women. In our society we have promoted the idea that sex is created for pleasure and pleasure alone. In addition, every one is entitled to that pleasure without consequences. So, what happens when birth control fails (as it’s prone to do) after we’ve been taught that sex is for pleasure alone? Well, how about the rise of single motherhood we’ve experienced since the Pill became commonplace? After promoting the idea that sex is recreation, not procreation, do we really expect men to cheerfully accept the great responsibility of leading a family when birth control fails?

What about how we view women’s bodies? When we remove any procreative consequences from sexuality and emphasize pleasure alone, motherhood and fertility are no longer connected to female sexuality. Instead, pornography and the view of women as objects made for male sexual pleasure increases. Additionally, consider even the changes in what is considered a sexy female body type. Before the rise of the Pill as a commonplace drug, fertility was still part of the desired female sexual aesthetic. After the sexual revolution what kind of models do we have in advertisements? Stick-thin women without characteristics that even distinguish them as female. In essence, “the look” is for grown women to look like pre-pubescent girls. How creepy is that? It seems that a women is considered more attractive when she looks too thin to even menstruate. Because sex is just for pleasure! Let’s get that irritating fertility out of the picture!

But that mindset misses the fullness of what a sexual relationship should entail. What makes an intimate romantic relationship satisfying? An orgasm? Let’s be honest, just a climax of sexual pleasure isn’t going to satisfy anybody long-term. What makes sex awesome and satisfying is that it’s a central aspect of a full, whole, rich, and intimate marital relationship.

Well, what about NFP (Natural Family Planning)? It is definitely morally permissible. We’ve practiced it in the past and may do so again in the future. But, it’s just not for us at this time in our lives. And there are some practical negatives to NFP. For instance, taking my temperature at the same time every day after a good night’s sleep? Yeah right. NOT going to happen. Checking cervical fluid? Um, I’m sorry, that couldn’t be less appealing, not to mention confusing. Not getting to have sex with my husband because I might be fertile? Well, abstaining every month just isn’t super fun, is it?

Anyhow, prepare for TMI, sex is better when fertility is embraced. The Pill can kill your libido and condoms decrease sexual pleasure, but there’s an even bigger picture here. When you remove fertility, you remove some of cosmic nature of sex. There’s less mystery, less excitement, less trust, a diminished connection to something bigger than ourselves.

Also, I think of our fertility as an amazing gift. There are so many folks who struggle with the sorrow of infertility. We have had the blessing of being able to conceive easily. By denying our fertility, it seems that we are refusing an incredible gift from God. We love our babies and I cannot imagine life without them. If there are more little additions to our family that God wants to give us, they will be just as precious to us.

So there you have it: some very incomplete thoughts on contraception and why we don’t use it. I’ve probably used up my monthly quota of words like: condoms, cervical fluid, and fertility. So, I promise not to write another long-winded post about sex for at least…a couple of days.

I humbly request that in the comments you are respectful of our family’s decision not to contracept and the stance of the Catholic Church regarding contraception, although you are welcome to express disagreement in a kind and charitable manner!

Coming soon…an awesome giveaway that I’m really excited about. I’ll give you a hint: beautiful rosaries!

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Posted in catholicism

Tagged birth control, Catholicism, contraception, nfp, the pill

AFP: Awesome Family Planning

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Haley | 67 Comments

On the outside chance that you haven’t already decided that we’re completely nuts, this post will probably convince you. You may previously have figured out that we’re Catholic converts leaning toward the traditional, but now you’re going to think that we’re bordering on total lunacy. Who knows? Maybe you’re right. And this topic is going to be a hot button for controversy, but I’m gonna post it anyway with this proviso: this is what WE’VE chosen to do and why. It is not meant to be a preachy judgment on those who have made different choices or believe different things about sex, marriage, fertility, contraception, etc. Ok? Ok.

As I mentioned the other day, we’ve been trying to decide what kind of NFP to use now that my fertility has returned post-Baby Lucy. Our journey toward Catholicism (which I keep meaning to write about) led us away from artificial birth control.

Luckily, we’ve discovered the perfect method of birth control for us! It’s called Awesome Family Planning. Here’s why it’s great: you can have sex whenever you want, you don’t have to use condoms, you don’t have to put carcinogenic hormones in your body, you don’t have to chart, you don’t have to take your temperature every day, you don’t have to even think about cervical fluid. Sounds perfect, amirite?!

But I should warn you that there is a possible side-effect: babies! Yes, you’ve figured it out. We’ve decided that for us right now, the most appealing kind of family planning is not our plan at all. Instead we want to completely turn our fertility over to God and let his timing be the right timing. (The one con to AFP is that everyone you know will think you’re completely insane. So you might have to make new friends that are also weird Catholics…which, now that I think about it sounds more like a pro.)

I’m not saying that NFP isn’t perfectly permissible in order to space children. The Church allows it. And, if there is an insurmountable financial problem or a serious medical reason to postpone pregnancy, we may resort to NFP at some point in the future. But right now, we can afford to feed our family. By making some sacrifices we are able to live frugally on one modest income. We have one car, we grow our own veggies, we cook at home, we don’t make unnecessary purchases. You get the idea. And I am perfectly healthy so there is no medical reason that would make another pregnancy dangerous for me or for a future baby.

So, we’ll see. I could be pregnant right now. Or maybe we’ll never conceive again (although I pray that’s not the case). Either way, it’s out of our hands. And not worrying about it anymore is such freedom. We’ve learned again and again that our plans fail and God’s plan is best. So we’re turning it over to Him.

When Baby 3 arrives someday (hopefully), we’ll need a new vehicle because three car seats won’t fit in the back seat of our Camry. But if we believe that God became man and dwelt among us, died for us and was resurrected, surely we can trust that he can get us a van…

This post was NOT written to make you feel guilty for using NFP. There’s nothing morally wrong with NFP, (check out Simcha’s recent post on the topic here) but for us at this time, we think that neither avoiding pregnancy or trying to achieve pregnancy is the most compatible method (or lack thereof) for our family’s view of faith and sex. And it wasn’t written to convince you to quit birth control, either, or make you feel judged. It’s just an explanation of why we’re living our life in this crazy, wonderful way.

You may be wondering: “But, what’s the point of this insanity?! You’re going to end up like the Duggars! What’s wrong with birth control?”

More on that in the next post (I didn’t want this post to get so long that it looked like a dissertation, so I broke it into two parts)…

I humbly request that in the comments you are respectful of our decision and the stance of the Catholic Church regarding contraception, although you are welcome to express disagreement in a kind and charitable manner!

p.s. just a reminder that the blog has moved to www.carrotsformichaelmas.com so if you want to keep up with my loony musings, please update your reader with my blog’s new URL or subscribe via email in the upper right hand corner.