Tag Archives: anniversary

Ode to My Wedding Ring on Our 7th Anniversary

Posted on May 29, 2013 by Haley | 24 Comments

My wedding ring is just a white gold band, no diamond or precious stones. Daniel and I couldn’t figure out the whole engagement ring AND a wedding band thing. (Why? I still don’t get it!) So a sweet thin band is all I have and it’s exactly what I wanted.

When we were discussing rings, I was concerned about blood diamonds and worried I would lose a fancy bejeweled ring (I cannot keep track of jewelry). So, I specified “no diamonds.”

This precious tiny gold band is sturdy and strong, like I hope my marriage will always be. And it reminds me that when we were married, we were 20 and 21 (babies!) and couldn’t afford chairs for our apartment, much less diamonds. We sat on pillows around a wooden tabletop Daniel made propped up on flower pots. We had an air mattress because we couldn’t afford a real bed and we ate a lot of pasta that first year because we couldn’t afford meat. Like the poor newlyweds Motel and Tzeitel in Fiddler on the Roof you could have said of us, “They’re so happy, they don’t know how miserable they are!”

I love my ring because I always want to remember that this life together is what I signed up for: for richer, for poorer. I want to remember that marriage isn’t always glamorous, sparkling, or blissful. Sometimes it feels nothing like a honeymoon and a whole lot like exhausting work. And something it’s just there. Not exciting, not painful, just there. And you can only strive to hold on through the difficult times. But my prayer it that it will always be steady and present, like a promise, like my sturdy, simple wedding band. I love my little ring. I love my life with this man.

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Posted in Husband, Marriage

Tagged anniversary, daniel, marriage, wedding ring

A Trip to the Ancient City

Posted on June 18, 2012 by Haley | 4 Comments

Last weekend my husband swept me away for a weekend in St. Augustine to celebrate our sixth anniversary (we went there for our honeymoon).

After a scramble to pack with two little ones underfoot (note to self: next time pack when they’re sleeping) including tears when I couldn’t figure out how to fold up the maddening pack n’play (why do they make them so impossible?), we were off with this cute little stowaway while big brother began his big weekend with the grandparents.

It was perfect. Two nights at the pirate-themed hotel in the historic district that we stayed in for our honeymoon, same room, even. (Yes, we are the sort of people who honeymoon at pirate-themed hotels, why do you ask?)

There was breezy, sunny weather, a darling baby girl in tow and hours to explore the ancient city and enjoy each other.

Our pirate hotel was just a block away from the Cathedral so we followed the sound of the bells to morning Mass.

It’s gorgeous inside, but I felt weird taking photographs inside a church, so you’ll just have to go visit yourself.

I did snap one of the stunning altarpiece, though.

Then we walked to the harbor to a little breakfast place before a longer walk to the Mission Nombre de Dios.

During our last visit six years ago, we weren’t Catholic yet, and we didn’t know that the very first Mass said in the New World was on the shore of St. Augustine in 1565. This giant cross marks the spot.

Nearby is a pilgrimage site: the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche, the oldest devotional site dedicated to Our Lady in the New World.

I’ve been dying to go there and it was so special. We knelt and prayed and then I followed the Blessed Virgin’s example and nursed my hungry baby girl before the statue of Our Lady nursing Our Lord.

It was just beautiful and I won’t ever forget it. Little did I know that while I was praying that a dear friend might be blessed with a second child, she was finding out she was pregnant! Filled with joy!

We wandered all around the ancient city and ate gelato at the same spot we did as newlyweds. Forgive my flyaway beachy hair.

It was just bliss. I’m so grateful to have shared six years of marriage with Daniel.

But we were so glad to see this little guy after being away two nights…don’t feel bad for him, though, he had a rip roarin’ time with his grandparents.

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Posted in Husband, Our Lady

Tagged anniversary, shrine of our lady of la leche, st. augustine, travel

Marriage Is a Kind of Death

Posted on May 28, 2012 by Haley | 23 Comments

Today Daniel and I celebrate six years of marriage. SIX YEARS. I know it’s not a shocking length of time, but I think it’s starting to sound downright respectable. Can anything prepare you for what marriage will be like? No. It is infinitely more difficult and infinitely more splendid than I could have ever imagined. Something like having children, I suppose. We’ve learned a few lessons over the past six years, many of them the hard way. I am thankful daily for the joy that our marriage brings to my life. It is better than I could have ever dreamed and far better than I will ever deserve.

Your Spouse Isn’t Enough. Really. As wonderful and perfect as he might be, his love is not enough to fulfill you. One day you will look at him and think, “He isn’t enough. Something is missing.” And one day you will realize that you are not enough for him. This may be an incredibly painful epiphany (it was for me.) I thought our marriage might be a failure and I hated the idea that the love I believed to be so epic just wasn’t enough. What I didn’t understand for a couple of years is that no human love is enough to satisfy us. Your spouse simply cannot do it and it isn’t humanly possible for you to love him “enough” either. But don’t despair, that’s not the end. We weren’t made to be fulfilled by human love, no matter how beautiful. We were created to be satisfied only by the divine love of God. Just as St. Augustine writes, “You have made us for yourself, Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you,” Christ must be first in all things. Your identity, your joy, and your self-worth must rest in Our Lord. If you expect your spouse to be able to satisfy all these needs, you are setting him up for failure and your disappointment will be bitter. When you learn, as I did (the hard way), that Christ must be first in your heart, your marriage will be filled with the grace of Our Lord’s divine love. And there will be enough love. More than enough love.
Marriage is a kind of death. Marriage isn’t a power struggle between two entities attempting to protect their own rights. Marriage is a reflection of Our Lord’s sacrifice for his Holy Church. It is a journey of daily self-sacrificial death. (Boy, I’m making it sound really great, aren’t I?!) But, like baptism, marriage is a kind of death that leads to life—real and truly amazing life. When I was pregnant with our firstborn I was so ill. I had unbearable 24/7 morning sickness for 6 months. And Daniel waited on me hand and foot. As soon as I woke in the morning he would have snacks prepared for me to eat before my head left the pillow. When I inevitably threw them up, he would be ready with a glass of cold water to soothe my burning throat. He encouraged me, helped me, and loved me with every act as he cared for me (a whining, aching, grumpy, difficult pregnant wife) during those months. He modeled for me what marriage was: giving up everything for me when I had nothing to give back. We were no longer two individuals engaged in constant compromises to protect our own rights and satisfy our own needs, we were learning to be one flesh dying daily for our beloved. We were (and still are) learning to be like Christ and love like Christ. If your focus is yourself and the pursuit of your own happiness, you will be miserable. If you learn to die for your beloved and they learn to die for you, you will be filled with joy.
Don’t be afraid to forgive. You will say and do things that deeply hurt your spouse. He will say and do things that deeply hurt you. Forgive. Completely. Never bring it up again. It sounds easy enough, but when the day comes that you find yourself truly hurt, you will want your spouse to suffer for what they did. Forgiveness will be hard in coming. But, if you cannot forgive and forget you will poison your marriage. This lesson was especially hard for me to learn. Still trying to protect my personal rights and be sure that my feelings and needs were never belittled or trampled upon, I made sure that I never forgot the slightest wrong, not to mention the times when I was truly wounded. Our culture is so individualistic and constantly urges us: Stand up for Yourself! Put Yourself First! You Deserve Perfection! True forgiveness is a revolutionary idea for us. I had a hard time breaking the thought pattern that by forgiving and moving on I was in some way compromising my own self-respect. What a lie. When I finally wanted to forgive I discovered I didn’t have much practice and it was hard. I also struggled with the humiliating realization that our marriage wasn’t perfect, that our love had fallen short. But, the devastation of that knowledge was followed by a new understanding of what kind of God we serve and what kind of Grace flows from his love for us. Our Lord redeems what is broken. He heals the wounded. As we watched God fill our marriage with grace, remaking it into something better than we could have ever imagined, we were stunned by our inadequacy and the unfathomable ocean of God’s grace.

Happy Sixth Anniversary to us! I can’t imagine living life without Daniel’s love and friendship. I am still stunned that this amazing guy picked me. I love him so and each year together is more wonderful than the last.