Category Archives: Lent

Trembling at Confession

Posted on March 11, 2013 by Haley | 21 Comments

As we approach Holy Week, I’ve been thinking about all my friends and readers who are going through RCIA this year to be confirmed this Easter. Are you afraid about making your first Confession? I was. I was terrified. I was so excited to be confirmed, but the anxiety of making that first Confession loomed over me. It felt like an excruciating torture I was going to have to endure before being accepted into the Church.

I remember so vividly coming to the end of the Penance service during Lent, lining up for the confessional and trembling. Most cradle Catholics I know are surprised to hear how scared I was, but they also haven’t ever carried 25 years of unconfessed sin around. It’s a tad intimidating.

One of my anxieties was just the shame of telling someone out loud everything horrible I had done. As I waited for my turn, I realized my perspective was off. Jesus already knew. He already knew everything. And he was the only one that mattered. But I was still afraid that I would chicken out. That I would hold back the worst things because I was too ashamed to speak them out loud. There was a statue of Our Lady right next to my spot in line. I asked her to pray for me. “Please give me the courage to make a true, full confession. Don’t let me knowingly hold anything back. Please, please, help me.” My hands shook. The people in front of me in line were chatting together about this and that and I was baffled by their nonchalance. Why aren’t they scared? I wondered, as my knees knocked.

When it was my turn, my stomach lurched. I knelt. My voice trembled. The tears came. It all tumbled out: my sin, my selfishness, my failures. Then I heard the priest’s voice. Not words of condemnation, but encouragement. Not despair, but grace. He told me my penance. I prayed the prayer of contrition and heard the words of absolution. Then: Go in peace. And let me tell you, I did. When you get to leave 25 years of guilt behind you, you go in peace.

I left and knelt in the church to complete my penance. Ask for Jesus’ blessing on you and your family. That’s it? Is that even a penance? I wondered. Sounds more like a gift. That’s not nearly enough to make up for what I’ve done! I thought as I looked up at the crucifix above the altar. It’s not enough. Was the answer. You can’t make up for what you’ve done. I made up for what you’ve done. Just like this. On the Cross. This is all my gift to you. I love you this much.

Can we understand God’s love and mercy if we don’t face our sin? Can we rejoice over our salvation if we don’t realize what we’ve been saved from?

I had been wrong about Confession. It wasn’t a humiliating hoop God was making me jump through. It was a gift offered out of His love. He didn’t want me to bear the weight of my guilt any more. He wanted me to offer it to him, to let it go, to be reconciled, to live in grace. He wanted to give me the chance to be free from sin, to receive his mercy and love.

Now when I hear someone is about to make their first confession, I am so excited for them. The joy, the peace, the beauty of it. During this lenten season when I go to Confession before Holy Week, I won’t tremble in fear like I did the first time, three years ago. I will tremble instead at the weight of God’s mercy. Behold! God’s love for you.

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Posted in catholicism, Lent, Penance

Tagged Catholicism, confession, faith, grace, guilt, mercy, reflection, sacrament of penance

Holy Time: Lent and Cleaning Up My Whiny Soul

Posted on February 11, 2013 by Haley | 10 Comments

(Please join us in the Little HolyDays Lenten Link-Up by sharing your posts about this liturgical season. Linky below!)

“I CAN’T do it! It’s TOO HARD!” whined my then 3-year-old son as he sat in the middle of his messy room and cried at the idea of having to clean up the toys, books, and stuffed animals scattered everywhere.

Maybe I’m asking too much, I thought. He’s clearly overwhelmed. Maybe he doesn’t know where to start. “Why don’t you just put the books on your shelf to begin and then we can figure out what to do next.”

“Nooooo!” he cried. “There’s TOO MANY BOOKS. I CAN’T clean them ALL up!”

OK,” I sighed. “How about this. Start with this Dr. Seuss book. Just grab it and set it on your bookshelf.”

“This is TOO HARD!” he complained. “You do it!”

Are you serious? I thought. This is his mess. I told him exactly what to do. I’m in here helping him. All I’m asking is for him to make an attempt at doing his part. This is ridiculous! I groaned.

Fast forward a couple of days. I’m praying during my holy hour in the chapel of perpetual adoration at our parish. It’s Lent. I’m tired and discouraged. It’s just not going well. No progress is being made in cleaning up my messy soul. “Lord, I just can’t do it. It’s too hard! I’ve got all this sin all over the place and I can’t even begin to clean it up.”

Just start with one thing. Work on one small thing. Don’t be overwhelmed.

“Ok, fine. But how do I even do it? How do I even start working on one thing?”

Prayer, Fasting, and Almsgiving, child. Ask me to help you, embrace spiritual discipline, sacrifice and give.

“That’s too much! I can’t do all that!”

Well, why don’t you just start with prayer?

“When would I have time for that?!”

Wake up 10 minutes before your babies. Ask me to help you with the one thing you want to focus on this Lent.

“Give up 10 minutes of sleep?! Are you kidding me? Don’t you know how tired I am? I’m never going to be able to clean this up! And you won’t even help me! Waaaaaaaaaaa!”

Then I remembered my little boy’s face, tears streaming down in frustration, his little fists clenched instead of making even the smallest attempt to begin the task before him. Look familiar? I closed my eyes and chuckled at myself. That’s me, right there. Refusing to make the smallest gesture toward changing. Because it’s not any fun to clean up your soul. It’s easier to say, “I can’t” and just keep sitting in the muck. You’ve told me exactly what I need to do to begin. You’re right here helping me. And here I am shaking my tiny fists in protest.

How often do I respond to God’s grace with absurd defiance? How often do I respond to God’s plan like my preschooler does to disagreeable instructions, “But, I don’t WANT to.” As if that’s a logical argument that gets me off the hook.

A daily struggle is our twice-a-day application of coconut oil to help our son’s horrible eczema. “I hate this!” he screams and writhes. “It doesn’t feel good! Don’t EVER do coconut oil again!” How often do I push away God’s grace because I’d rather carry on with a broken, raw soul, scratching at it til it bleeds instead of participating in his plan to heal it. “I can handle this just how it is! I don’t mind having a diseased soul! Just don’t ask me to get cleaned up, healed, and whole because I REALLY hate that.”

But just as I love my son too much to let him scratch his skin raw, no matter how much kicking and screaming applying a remedy takes, God loves us too much to let us be content to remain sick in our sin. This Lent we can sit and whine about how hard it is to make any progress on this path to holiness, or we can recognize our messy sin, ask for God’s grace, and start cleaning up. Let’s jump in with both feet and Our Lord right beside us. And pray for my whiny soul. Because I’m going to need all the help I can get.

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We are three Catholic bloggers who love to observe the liturgical year to deepen our families’ faith and build up the domestic church. We would love to hear about your family’s traditions during this season of Lent! Please join us in “redeeming the time” in this Year of Faith by sharing your posts.

Some topics we would be excited to read about during the Lenten season are (but not limited to!):

Observing Lent through Food: Simple or Vegetarian Lenten Meals/Recipes and Traditions
Lenten traditions, crafts and activities
Reflections on the liturgical seasons
Prayer, Fasting, and Almsgiving
Teaching and Learning about the Christian Year with Children
St. Valentine’s Day
Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday/Shrove Tuesday)

Please be sure to visit the other wonderful hosts, Molly Makes Do (she’s hosting a great giveaway today!) and the amazing mother/daughter duo Dualing Moms, to see what they have to say about the beginning of their lenten season!

This link up will be up until midnight on February 15th.

We will highlight some of our favorite links on our blogs, FB, Twitter, and on a Little HolyDays Pinterestboard.
This link up is a way in which we plan on exploring and deepening our Catholic faith, but we would really love to hear from bloggers of all denominations.

We welcome you to share your own fasts, feasts, and celebrations that fall within this season.

As moderators of this link up, we will reserve the right to remove any offensive or off-topic posts as we see fit, in order to maintain a kind and positive atmosphere.

So, here’s what you do:

1. Click the linky below to add your post to the Little HolyDays link up.

2. Link your post to one of the Little HolyDays hosts (text link or use the Little HolyDays image at the top) so your readers can find the other great links!

We can’t wait to read your posts and get inspired by your traditions!

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Posted in catholicism, Christian Year, Lent, Little HolyDays

Tagged lent, little holydays, reflection

Preparing for Lent

Posted on February 6, 2013 by Haley | 25 Comments

Lent is almost upon us! It’s very early this year beginning a week from today, Ash Wednesday. This season of the liturgical year is represented by the color purple: the color of the bruised heart. This is the uncomfortable time preceding Easter when we remove distractions, focus on spiritual formation, and take an honest look at ourselves in order that we might prepare our hearts.

Here’s a few Lenten traditions we’re planning to incorporate into our lives during this season:

Cover our crucifixes with purple fabric. I let our preschooler find all the crucifixes and crosses in the house and help me do this on Ash Wednesday.

Display our “Crown of Thorns” grapevine wreath on our table.
Attend daily Mass more often. Hopefully we can do the 7am as a family because wrangling both kids in Mass while Daniel is at work is a Herculean effort for this pregnant gal.
Commit to a daily Rosary. I’ve improved my previously abysmal record of praying a daily Rosary since I made it one of my goals for 2013, but making a firm commitment would be a good Lenten discipline. Also, I’d like to begin praying a decade each evening as a family devotion.
Learn a new prayer. We learned the St. Andrew prayer during Advent (in fact, I think Benjamin knew it better than Daniel or I by Christmas Day) and I’ve been trying to decide which one we should tackle next as a family. The Memorare?
Read selections from Bread and Wine: Readings for Easter and Lent. Like Watch for the Light (the Advent version), I’m expecting this one to have some amazing selections and so ho hum ones that I can skip over. In past years, I’ve really enjoyed reading Signs of Life by Scott Hahn since it has 40 chapters (handy for the 40 days of Lent, right?) and it’s amazing. You can also peruse my Big Ol’ Catholic Reading List for ideas for other devotional texts.
Commit to a Friday evening Mass to attend with Daniel as part of our weekly “date night.”
Look for ways to serve. Making meals for elderly parishioners and helping the kids make encouraging cards for friends and family came to mind. How does your family tackle this element of the lenten season?
Go to Confession. This deserves it’s own post, coming soon.
Go to adoration with the kids. Daniel and I each have a holy hour but we haven’t done a good job of introducing the kids to adoration and there’s really no excuse since our parish has a chapel of perpetual adoration!
Stations of the Cross
Abstaining from meat on Fridays

Usually I choose a certain favorite food to give up as part of my lenten discipline, but since I have been so unbelievably ill this pregnancy, I don’t think it’s a great idea to commit to giving up food items (except for meat on Fridays). I am interested in doing some unplugging from technology but I want to keep maintaining this space, so I’m not sure what that would look like. Any ideas?

Other Lenten Resources: (I’ll be spending some time re-reading these posts in the next week)

Karen Edmisten

In the Heart of My Home: Elizabeth Foss

Lent is long, folks. Don’t forget to make time for a little of this on Mardi Gras:

How we’re going to manage a gluten-free King Cake for our allergic little Benjamin is a bit beyond me…any suggestions?

P.S. Get excited about a new round of Little Holydays starting this Monday! I hope you’ll be linking up with us!

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Posted in catholicism, Christian Year, Lent, Little HolyDays, Mardi Gras

Tagged christian year, lent, lenten devotion, lenten resources, mardi gras

It’s Holy Week…

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Haley | 2 Comments

…hence the blogging silence. Until Easter, this will have to suffice, dear folk:

Daniel and our friend Ted butchered a pig on Monday night. Moral of the story: we will be eating ham on Easter Sunday.

My brother will be confirmed in the Catholic Church and receive his first communion on Saturday night. So excited for him!

I found out I’m probably allergic to dairy. Blerg. Almond milk just isn’t the same.

I finished the first of the Hunger Games books. I enjoyed it, but I have mixed feelings about whether I should have enjoyed it. Taking a break from the series until Holy Week is over…

Here’s what we’re listening to this week:

Now it’s time to snuggle this blue-eyed darling:

I hope you have a wonderful Holy Week as we prepare our hearts for Easter!

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Posted in Easter, Lent

Tagged Baby, bach, holy week, silence

Mardi Gras and Lent

Posted on February 26, 2012 by Haley | 1 Comment

We had some of our new friends over on Fat Tuesday for a New Orleans Feast made by this guy:

On the menu was Chicken and Sausage Gumbo, Shrimp Dip and Homemade Bread, King Cake, and old timey New Orleans cocktails.

I’ll post the recipes on Feast! when Daniel has a minute to write them down.

Then Ash Wednesday came and we transitioned into Lent. Last year I was battling some serious morning sickness during Lent so I don’t feel like I fully engaged and I didn’t have the energy to figure out how to help Benjamin participate. So, trying to do better this year!

I bought a grapevine wreath to have on the dining room table to remind us of the Crown of Thorns and put our purple tablecloth on the table. Yes, my tablecloth is super wrinkly. Ironing is just one of those tasks that I try to avoid at all costs. I tell myself that it’s so humid in Florida that whatever item is wrinkly will unwrinkle soon enough on it’s own. This is not true, but it makes me feel better.

I borrowed (stole?) some deep purple fabric from my mom to use to cover the crosses and icons in the house. I let Benjamin walk through the house to find all the crosses over the doorways and help me wrap them in purple.

I’ve seen so many ideas for helping little ones observe Lent that I feel pretty overwhelmed. What do you do at your house? What’s your very favorite Lenten activity for littles?

p.s. Mandy are you out there? Send me an email about winning the Pride and Prejudice Giveaway before next Wednesday or I’ll have to choose another winner! (my email is haley.s.stewart(at)gmail(dot)com)

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Posted in Fasting, Feasting, Lent, Mardi Gras

This Week’s Miscellany: Vol. 6

Posted on February 18, 2012 by Haley | 3 Comments

(Don’t forget to enter my giveaway: A Beautiful Clothbound Penguin Edition of Pride and Prejudice!)

Coming up in the Liturgical Year: Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, Lent! I didn’t realize that THIS WEDNESDAY will be Ash Wednesday until yesterday! We’re having some friends over to celebrate Fat Tuesday (King Cake, and Cajun food!) and I need to decide what I’m giving up for Lent. In the past I’ve given up coffee, sweets, and Facebook. This year I think I will give something up and add daily Mass or daily Rosary. What are you giving up? Karen Edmisten has a great compilation post of all her lenten posts including some great ideas about observing Lent with little ones. I definitely want to implement some of that with Benjamin this year.

Listening to: Bon Iver. I just keep coming back to the album released last year. It. Is. Just. So. Good.

Links:

I Wore the Same T-shirt Every Day for 1 Year (and why it doesn’t matter): Our dear friend Nathan writes eloquently about his sartorial experiment. I, for one, never noticed that he wore the same outfit every day (he did have multiples of the same shirt for washing purposes). His thoughtful post inspired me to pare down my closet. One of my struggles is worrying too much about how others perceive me and Nathan post really encouraged me to just be myself. I wonder how I could do something similar as my lenten discipline. Thoughts?

Keeping Coming Back to It: Simcha Fisher, one of my favorite Catholic bloggers, writes about marriage. Great post.

Divide and Conquer: George Weigel writes about the current administration, Catholics, and the HHS mandate.

Pictures Worth Sharing:

While Baby Girl and I were recovering from illness (she was such a sweet, happy girl even when she was sick!), Little Bear stayed busy doing art projects and watching way too many episodes of “Mighty Machines.” Lets focus on the art projects, shall we?

Little Bear titled this masterpiece: “Bobcat in a Tree”

And all week long, Daddy took care of everyone. Seriously. Best husband and dad ever. I’m so glad he didn’t get sick, too!

The Quotable Benjamin:

“Mama, you hid all my Valentine’s candy! I’m gonna start callin’ you ‘Sneaky Sue’!”

“Mama, get your yarn out of my face. I mean, get your hair out of my face.”

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Posted in Lent, Misc

Tagged ash wednesday, george weigel, hhs mandate, lent, mardi gras, nathan, simcha fisher, this week's miscellany

Lenten Sacrifices and a New Swing

Posted on February 20, 2010 by Haley | 6 Comments

This year during Lent, Daniel and I are reading Signs of Life: 40 Catholic Customs and Their Biblical Roots by Scott Hahn.

It’s divided into 40 small chapters, (Baptism, the Mass, Marriage, Confession, Pilgrimage, etc) and so fits perfectly in the 40 days of Lent if we read one chapter a day. Hahn explains that in our Lenten sacrifice, be it food or otherwise, “We return it all to God for forty days, not because any of it is ‘bad,’ but because it is indeed very good. Only good things should be offered in sacrifice to God; only the best of the harvest could be offered as a tithe. We give them to God so that we learn not to put anything in God’s place in our lives.”

In other news, Daniel set up a swing for Little Bear.