Category Archives: Husband

A Picture of the Incarnation on My Kitchen Floor

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Haley | 27 Comments

During this pregnancy (my third) my mood swings have been unreal. One minute everything is rosy and the next I find myself sobbing for no reason. And if I wait too long to eat or don’t get enough sleep, I am sure to be an insane hysterical basket case.

The worst meltdown occurred for really no reason at all at about halfway through the pregnancy. We put the kids to bed, then Daniel ran some errands while I made treats for a friend’s baby shower. When he left, I was in my right mind. When he returned, he found me sobbing in the kitchen as I iced carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese icing, my mascara running down my face.

“What’s the matter?!” he asked as he walked over to put his arm around me.

“Nothing, really!” I sobbed. “Except everything! I’m always tired and I’m always throwing up and and it’s so hard! I love my baby, but I feel so physically miserable and I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why!”

Being the wise man that he is, he knew I was in no state to hear reason and nothing he could say would stop the crazy that was spewing from my mouth. So he just listened while I exploded with pregnant hysteria until I wore myself out and I sat down on the kitchen floor.

He took a deep breath, sat down with me, put his arms around me, and we leaned against the dishwasher while I sobbed my little pregnant heart out for several minutes. As the meltdown fizzled out and I stopped crying, I had an epiphany: my husband was an image of Christ right here on our hardwood floor. Instead of talking me down or telling me I was being ridiculous, he got down into the middle of my pregnant crazy meltdown, sat there, and shared it with me.

His love was a reminder that God’s great love prompted him to actually come down to us, share our humanity, and suffer in our stead. I know I am more than fortunate to be married to a man who lives out that love each day of our marriage.

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Posted in Baby, Husband, Marriage, Pregnancy

Tagged daniel, husband, incarnation, marriage, mood swings, morning sickness, pregnancy

The Definition of Sexy

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Haley | 18 Comments

Dear Madly-in-love Newlywed,

Your definition of sexy is about to change. It might take two years, it might take ten. And you’re not going to believe a word I say in these blissful days of butterflies in your stomach at the sound of his voice. It’s going to sound mundane and boring to you now, but just file this away.

What’s your definition of sexy? Getting surprise flowers from your beloved? Chocolate-covered strawberries on Valentine’s Day? A fancy date? The way he makes you laugh? The way it feels to have his arms around you? All that is great and you’ll still think it’s sexy a few years down the road, but it won’t hold a candle to the thrill of:

Your sweet husband cleaning out the fridge containing several tupperwares of leftovers that are now science experiments because you’re pregnant and nauseous and the very idea of stepping foot in the kitchen makes you gag.

When he tells you to put your feet up while he wrangles the preschooler and the toddler at the store to struggle through the week’s grocery shopping so you don’t have to.

Cleaning out the car where he finds several coffee mugs you should have brought inside days ago…and not mentioning it.

The way he makes the baby squeal with laughter by playing peekaboo after just walking in the house after a long day at work.

Trading his beloved quiet morning run for some laps around the neighborhood with the kids in the jogging stroller to give you an extra hour of sleep because he knows you were up all night with the nursing newborn.

That moment each night when he checks on your slumbering children before climbing into bed and you hear him kiss their sleeping foreheads.

It might sound mundane to you. And I suppose it is: these small, daily sacrifices of your life together. But it’s not boring. That kind of sacrificial love can’t be boring. The idea that this man who knows you so well, all of your flaws and weaknesses, is still willing to lay down his life for yours, to put his family first in things large and small, a million tiny deaths sacrificed for love….there is nothing sexier than that.

So enjoy these days of bliss and butterflies, but just know that it gets so much better as you learn to love each other through the daily grind of life. The honeymoon ends and the marriage begins and it’s more thrilling and exciting than you could ever have imagined. Your definition of sexy is about to change and you have everything to look forward to.

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Posted in Husband, Marriage

Tagged marriage, married life, newlyweds, sacrificial love, sexy

The Feast of St. Andrew, Nov. 30th

Posted on November 29, 2012 by Haley | 3 Comments

Tomorrow is the Feast of St. Andrew. Daniel whipped up this fabulous meal of Tahini Tilapia for our celebration of St. Andrew (a fisherman) a couple of years ago and it’s still a staple at our house. And since November 30th is on a Friday this year, how handy that it’s fish for us Catholics, right?

The following is drawn from a post on Feast!, our woefully neglected Christian Year blog, that my husband Daniel posted in 2010. I’m more than a little embarrassed at how bad our photography was back then but…here ’tis:

Fisherman, brother of Simon Peter, friend and apostle of Christ, evangelist, and martyr. Andrew was first a disciple of John the Baptist and, according to John the Evangelist, was the first disciple called by Christ. After Christ’s death, resurrection, and ascension, St. Andrew went out to preach the Gospel. He travelled as far north as the Black Sea (which is why he is patron saint of Russia and the Ukraine) but was finally martyred in Achaea, Greece. Ancient sources say Andrew was bound, not nailed, to a cross. Iconography from the middle ages shows his cross to be raised in the shape of an X, hence the familiar “St. Andrew’s Cross” on the Scottish flag.

For today’s feast we made fish in remembrance of St. Andrew’s first profession. I don’t know exactly what kind of fish Andrew would have caught. But I read that tilapia are still caught in the Sea of Galilee and they’re an easy fish to find at the grocery store so we went with that. Then I found this Middle Eastern recipe for fish with tahini sauce and adjusted the proportions. Here are the ingredients for the sauce:

We also had couscous and sautéed greens from our garden. Spinach, kohlrabi, Swiss chard, and parsley.

Here’s the final product.

O glorious St. Andrew, you were the first to recognize and follow the Lamb of God. With your friend, St. John, you remained with Jesus for that first day, for your entire life, and now throughout eternity. As you led your brother, St. Peter, to Christ and many others after him, draw us also to Him. Teach us to lead others to Christ solely out of love for Him and dedication in His service. Help us to learn the lesson of the Cross and to carry our daily crosses without complaint so that they may carry us to Jesus. Amen.

Has your family ever celebrated St. Andrew’s Day?

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Posted in Christian Year, Feasting, Food, Husband, Prayers, Recipe, Saints

Tagged feast, recipe, st. andrew, tilapia

Our Favorite Breakfasts

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Haley | 6 Comments

Breakfast has always been my favorite meal of the day. Maybe because I love eating anything I can cover in butter and jam. When I was a little girl, my parents would take me to Cracker Barrel and I would amaze bystanders with the sheer volume of biscuits a tiny 4-year-old could eat. Having a child with a severe gluten allergy has significantly diminished my biscuit consumption, but I still love breakfast.

These are some of our go-to breakfast meals:

Eggs and Bacon: Farm fresh eggs and local bacon….can’t beat it. Sometimes we mix it up and have sausage. We fry the eggs or scramble ‘em with veggies from the garden. And with coffee, fresh veggie slices, or a side of toast (GF for Benjamin), you just can’t beat it.

French Toast: Gluten-Free bread just doesn’t have the same texture as the real thing. In order to make it more palatable, I often make French Toast for Benjamin and add extra eggs so that there’s plenty of protein. I mix farm fresh eggs, whole milk, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, nutmeg, and a tad vanilla extract. Dip the bread in and then fry it up in bacon grease on the stove.

Fried Rice: When we were first married (and still in college) Daniel worked at two different Asian restaurants and learned a few tricks. When we have extra rice leftover from dinner, he will add eggs, onions, and whatever vegetables he can pull out of the garden. Mmmmm. Add a little Sriracha sauce on top and you’ve really got something. Sometimes I’ll have Daniel guest post and give you his secret recipe.

Steel-Cut Oats: Benjamin loooooves what he calls “porridge,” especially on chilly mornings but he can chow down on it in mid-July, as well. We get our oats from the bulk section of our food co-op and it makes a super cheap meal. I always add milk and a little bit of honey or maple syrup on top and we garnish with whatever fresh or dried fruit and nuts we have on hand.

Also: Green smoothies (when we’ve got lots of baby greens in our garden), Yogurt/Granola parfaits, and Gluten-free pancakes.

Although I wouldn’t call our breakfasts “leisurely” since we’re trying to help Daniel get out the door and off to work, they are a special time for us to cook together, reconnect, and enjoy some family time with delicious food. On a good day, we’ll even make it through the morning’s Scripture reading. Our kids wake us up at the crack o’ dawn so, there’s plenty of time to let those steel-cut oats simmer before the sun comes up!

What are some of your family’s favorite breakfasts?

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Posted in Farm Life, Food, Husband, Recipe

Tagged breakfast, daily rhythm, food

By the sea…

Posted on July 6, 2012 by Haley | 4 Comments

To celebrate my sweet mum’s 60th birthday, we went on a little trip to the ocean to eat at a restaurant built over the water (because it was a dry county in days past). We haven’t been there since the building was rebuilt after being destroyed in a hurricane. Now, why you would want to build your restaurant in the exact same place it recently fell into the ocean in a state that gets hurricanes at least once a year is beyond me…but, it IS a lovely spot. Benjamin has only seen the ocean once before so he was thrilled about the whole idea.

(Benjamin and Grandaddy looking at the water)

(Birthday Girl and Baby Girl)

And now, get ready, because I think this is our first family picture since Lucy was born. (I think maybe there’s a picture of the four of us from last winter but she was fast asleep in the sling, so I’m not sure that counts…):

I’m quite a lucky gal.

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Posted in Children, Husband, Misc

Tagged family, mom's birthday, ocean

Orphans of the Storm

Posted on June 28, 2012 by Haley | Leave a comment

“Where can we hide in fair weather, we orphans of the storm?”

I’ll know you’re a kindred spirit if you can name that quote.

Tropical Storm Debby finally cleared out on Tuesday afternoon. As a native Floridian, there’s something exciting and nostalgic about weathering a big storm. It makes me feel like a little girl.

Despite having to be cooped up for three days, the kids were lambs and we had lots of special reading time and snuggle time during the hours of perpetual night. It was seriously so dark outside! The gloomy darkness was so disorienting that I had trouble figuring out what time it was without consulting the clock.

Monday night after the kids went to bed we lost power. Daniel and I had been reading, so we lit enough candles to cover the table and listened to the sound of the storm while we read. Not half bad.

I’m a little bit obsessed with this picture of Daniel and Lucy snuggling before bedtime. Something about the way she’s holding her little hand just slays me. It was underexposed so it turned out a little grainy. I wish somebody could give me photography lessons. Want to move to Florida, Holly?

We didn’t have flooding or damage in our area, although other places Debby hit weren’t so lucky. It’s been an active storm season so far. Makes me a little nervous about peak hurricane season!

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Posted in Husband, Misc

Tagged tropical storm debby

A Trip to the Ancient City

Posted on June 18, 2012 by Haley | 4 Comments

Last weekend my husband swept me away for a weekend in St. Augustine to celebrate our sixth anniversary (we went there for our honeymoon).

After a scramble to pack with two little ones underfoot (note to self: next time pack when they’re sleeping) including tears when I couldn’t figure out how to fold up the maddening pack n’play (why do they make them so impossible?), we were off with this cute little stowaway while big brother began his big weekend with the grandparents.

It was perfect. Two nights at the pirate-themed hotel in the historic district that we stayed in for our honeymoon, same room, even. (Yes, we are the sort of people who honeymoon at pirate-themed hotels, why do you ask?)

There was breezy, sunny weather, a darling baby girl in tow and hours to explore the ancient city and enjoy each other.

Our pirate hotel was just a block away from the Cathedral so we followed the sound of the bells to morning Mass.

It’s gorgeous inside, but I felt weird taking photographs inside a church, so you’ll just have to go visit yourself.

I did snap one of the stunning altarpiece, though.

Then we walked to the harbor to a little breakfast place before a longer walk to the Mission Nombre de Dios.

During our last visit six years ago, we weren’t Catholic yet, and we didn’t know that the very first Mass said in the New World was on the shore of St. Augustine in 1565. This giant cross marks the spot.

Nearby is a pilgrimage site: the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche, the oldest devotional site dedicated to Our Lady in the New World.

I’ve been dying to go there and it was so special. We knelt and prayed and then I followed the Blessed Virgin’s example and nursed my hungry baby girl before the statue of Our Lady nursing Our Lord.

It was just beautiful and I won’t ever forget it. Little did I know that while I was praying that a dear friend might be blessed with a second child, she was finding out she was pregnant! Filled with joy!

We wandered all around the ancient city and ate gelato at the same spot we did as newlyweds. Forgive my flyaway beachy hair.

It was just bliss. I’m so grateful to have shared six years of marriage with Daniel.

But we were so glad to see this little guy after being away two nights…don’t feel bad for him, though, he had a rip roarin’ time with his grandparents.

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Posted in Husband, Our Lady

Tagged anniversary, shrine of our lady of la leche, st. augustine, travel

Happy Father’s Day…

Posted on June 18, 2012 by Haley | Leave a comment

…to the most wonderful baby wearin’, beer brewin’, marathon runnin’, poetry writin’, chicken feedin’, garden growin’ daddy ever.

We love you so much.

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Posted in Husband

Tagged father's day, love

Marriage Is a Kind of Death

Posted on May 28, 2012 by Haley | 23 Comments

Today Daniel and I celebrate six years of marriage. SIX YEARS. I know it’s not a shocking length of time, but I think it’s starting to sound downright respectable. Can anything prepare you for what marriage will be like? No. It is infinitely more difficult and infinitely more splendid than I could have ever imagined. Something like having children, I suppose. We’ve learned a few lessons over the past six years, many of them the hard way. I am thankful daily for the joy that our marriage brings to my life. It is better than I could have ever dreamed and far better than I will ever deserve.

Your Spouse Isn’t Enough. Really. As wonderful and perfect as he might be, his love is not enough to fulfill you. One day you will look at him and think, “He isn’t enough. Something is missing.” And one day you will realize that you are not enough for him. This may be an incredibly painful epiphany (it was for me.) I thought our marriage might be a failure and I hated the idea that the love I believed to be so epic just wasn’t enough. What I didn’t understand for a couple of years is that no human love is enough to satisfy us. Your spouse simply cannot do it and it isn’t humanly possible for you to love him “enough” either. But don’t despair, that’s not the end. We weren’t made to be fulfilled by human love, no matter how beautiful. We were created to be satisfied only by the divine love of God. Just as St. Augustine writes, “You have made us for yourself, Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you,” Christ must be first in all things. Your identity, your joy, and your self-worth must rest in Our Lord. If you expect your spouse to be able to satisfy all these needs, you are setting him up for failure and your disappointment will be bitter. When you learn, as I did (the hard way), that Christ must be first in your heart, your marriage will be filled with the grace of Our Lord’s divine love. And there will be enough love. More than enough love.
Marriage is a kind of death. Marriage isn’t a power struggle between two entities attempting to protect their own rights. Marriage is a reflection of Our Lord’s sacrifice for his Holy Church. It is a journey of daily self-sacrificial death. (Boy, I’m making it sound really great, aren’t I?!) But, like baptism, marriage is a kind of death that leads to life—real and truly amazing life. When I was pregnant with our firstborn I was so ill. I had unbearable 24/7 morning sickness for 6 months. And Daniel waited on me hand and foot. As soon as I woke in the morning he would have snacks prepared for me to eat before my head left the pillow. When I inevitably threw them up, he would be ready with a glass of cold water to soothe my burning throat. He encouraged me, helped me, and loved me with every act as he cared for me (a whining, aching, grumpy, difficult pregnant wife) during those months. He modeled for me what marriage was: giving up everything for me when I had nothing to give back. We were no longer two individuals engaged in constant compromises to protect our own rights and satisfy our own needs, we were learning to be one flesh dying daily for our beloved. We were (and still are) learning to be like Christ and love like Christ. If your focus is yourself and the pursuit of your own happiness, you will be miserable. If you learn to die for your beloved and they learn to die for you, you will be filled with joy.
Don’t be afraid to forgive. You will say and do things that deeply hurt your spouse. He will say and do things that deeply hurt you. Forgive. Completely. Never bring it up again. It sounds easy enough, but when the day comes that you find yourself truly hurt, you will want your spouse to suffer for what they did. Forgiveness will be hard in coming. But, if you cannot forgive and forget you will poison your marriage. This lesson was especially hard for me to learn. Still trying to protect my personal rights and be sure that my feelings and needs were never belittled or trampled upon, I made sure that I never forgot the slightest wrong, not to mention the times when I was truly wounded. Our culture is so individualistic and constantly urges us: Stand up for Yourself! Put Yourself First! You Deserve Perfection! True forgiveness is a revolutionary idea for us. I had a hard time breaking the thought pattern that by forgiving and moving on I was in some way compromising my own self-respect. What a lie. When I finally wanted to forgive I discovered I didn’t have much practice and it was hard. I also struggled with the humiliating realization that our marriage wasn’t perfect, that our love had fallen short. But, the devastation of that knowledge was followed by a new understanding of what kind of God we serve and what kind of Grace flows from his love for us. Our Lord redeems what is broken. He heals the wounded. As we watched God fill our marriage with grace, remaking it into something better than we could have ever imagined, we were stunned by our inadequacy and the unfathomable ocean of God’s grace.

Happy Sixth Anniversary to us! I can’t imagine living life without Daniel’s love and friendship. I am still stunned that this amazing guy picked me. I love him so and each year together is more wonderful than the last.

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Posted in Husband, Marriage

Tagged anniversary, forgiveness, marriage

The Solemnity of the Annunciation and Back Porch Dining

Posted on March 27, 2012 by Haley | 4 Comments

Just a quick post of instagrams today. We’ve been fighting colds at our house and life is busy, busy.

For the Solemnity of the Annunciation, I made Sweet Potato and Carrot Lentil Curry Soup and Spelt-Flour, Dairy-free biscuits (hello, bacon grease!) for Benjamin and my gluten intolerance and his dairy allergies.

It’s been so beautiful outside that last night I set up a table on our back porch for dinner. Benjamin thought it was mighty fine to eat outside and when Lucy and I woke up this morning, the boys had breakfast prepared on the back porch for round two of eating outside.

Days when you wake up next to your sweet baby, stumble bleary-eyed out of your bedroom, are immediately handed a cup of miraculously delicious coffee by your handsome husband and are treated to German apple pancakes, fruit, and granola on the back porch are…well…splendid.