Category Archives: Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding and a Prayer Request

Posted on June 7, 2013 by | 5 Comments

We are just falling in love with Baby Gwen (who’s making things very easy on mama by sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches all night between feedings!). Thank you for all the well-wishes and love for her!

Today you can find me over at Mama and Baby Love sharing about my breastfeeding struggles with our firstborn and how everything changed the second time around!

And please keep my sweet friend Dwija and her baby in your prayers. She’s facing very serious pregnancy complications.

Image credit Jade Pierce Photography
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Posted in Baby, Breastfeeding

Any Expectant Mamas Out There? Check Out From Maiden to Mother

Posted on May 25, 2013 by | 10 Comments

I’m three days overdue with Baby Gwen (Lucy was 10 days late) so I’m starting to lose my mind a little. I really gave all my natural labor induction methods a good try yesterday, including acupuncture, spicy Thai food, long walks, etc. but to no avail! One more weekend pregnant just sounds UNBEARABLE. C’mon Baby Carrot!

cover

I’m doing my best to distract myself from the fact that I’m still pregnant so I was thrilled to read my dear friend Stephanie’s newly re-edited ad relaunched ebook From Maiden to Mother: Your Guide to a Conscious Childbearing Year. It’s so readable and filled with good info that I wish I had known before getting pregnant with my firstborn.

I met Stephanie at the park a couple of years ago and then became a staff writer for her blog, Mama and Baby Love. I’m so bummed that her family just relocated to S. Florida! But before heading out Steph stocked my freezer with some of her slow cooker freezer meals and some lactation cookies for when Gwen arrives because the woman has organizational SKILLS. Anyhow, Stephanie is my go-to gal for all my crunchy pregnancy/real food/birthing/postpartum questions since she’s a certified doula and a Birthing From Within mentor as well as a licensed massage therapist specializing in pre-conception, pregnancy, and postpartum. I’ll have even more questions for her if I end up doing a home birth at some point (maybe if we’re blessed with another baby after Gwen?) like she did with her little girl Penelope.

From Maiden to Mother has lots of great info for new mamas, particularly about pre-pregnancy and pregnancy nutrition. And there’s lots of links to great resources to get you thinking about labor and post-partum as well. Now, Steph’s a little bit crunchier than I am and has blazed some trails I haven’t attempted yet, like eating her placenta. The woman is brave. And there’s a little bit of colorful language, so fair warning. But, Stephanie knows her stuff and shares all the advice she’d give to a friend in this ebook. I think it’s a great resource and I contributed a little of my own advice about motherhood in the ebook, as well. Does that make me a published author?

Just wanted to share with you since it’s on sale right now for $6.99 until June when the price will jump to $9.99. And stay tuned for Steph’s e-course on holistic parenthood preparation and personal growth/healing which will include interviews with some amazing folks like midwifery pioneer Ina May Gaskin! I can’t wait for it to launch!

Also, prayers for this little daughter of mine to decide to exit the womb? I am so ready to be holding her in my arms!
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Posted in Baby, Birth, Books, Breastfeeding, Health, Motherhood, Pregnancy

How My Kids Didn’t Ruin Mass

Posted on January 14, 2013 by | 74 Comments

Confession: my kids are not typically little angels at Mass. ‘Typical” Mass behavior being our 3-year-old banging the kneeler open and closed and then dropping it on his own foot. Commence siren-like wailing. Or the kids tussling over who gets to hold the Baby Jesus finger puppet. And, to no one’s surprise, the preschooler throwing the St. Joseph finger puppet at his baby sister’s head doesn’t solve the dilemma. The newborn is startled out of a deep slumber by the bells heralding the Consecration and starts screaming. The toddler yelling (and I mean yelling) “Jesus! Jesus COME OUT!” as the Consecration approaches and he knows that “Jesus is coming.” And, yes, I said “typical” behavior. Don’t even get me started on the extraordinarily humiliating days.

Have you been there? When you just want to crawl into the floor and die of shame because surely your kids are ruining Mass for everyone? Your cheeks are burning? You consider a cross-country move?

You see, I grew up Protestant in a tradition in which young children do not attend “the service” until they can sit quietly with their families. It’s quiet, it’s composed, and you can actually hear the words of the sermon. I am still getting used to “the hum” that graces the background of every Mass: squirming toddlers, whispering preschoolers, fussing babies. Children are not banished to the nursery. Our Parish doesn’t even have a cry room. You see, children are not just tolerated, they are welcome. And what my parish has shown me, is that my children are wanted.

So that moment when I thought I would surely die because my 3-year-old made a mad dash for the altar when I was about to receive the Blessed Sacrament and I had to make an awkward wrangling motion to grab hold of his Houdini body in between the “Amen” and the moment the Host touched my tongue…well, the priest’s eyes didn’t narrow. He didn’t give me a stern look that said, “I hope the grace of Our Lord helps you recover from being the worst mother ever.” Nope. His eyes sparkled. He smiled. And, dear me, was that a quiet chuckle?

It’s the moments when I think my kids are the ultimate distraction that my parish family shows me that they are gifts of God’s grace. When the baby is fussy and the toddler is grumpy and loud and I think that surely the homily is going to be a desperate plea for our family to high tail it out of the church so everyone else can enjoy Mass in peace, the priest says, “Look around you. Look at all the babies and children in Mass today. As I’ve been hearing the sounds of infants and children this morning, it reminds me of the amazing gift of new life. What a blessing. I am so glad they are all here.” Gift? Blessing? My kids could have passed themselves off as small dragons this morning, and you heard their whispers and shrieks as echoes of God’s grace?

Or when the baby is insistent on nursing, even though I nursed her right before Mass and the only way to avoid a screaming fit is to nurse right there in the pew. I can feel my cheeks get warm and pink. Is my scarf covering us up? Am I flashing anyone? Is this ok? Is everyone looking at us? That lady in the back certainly is. Is she glaring at us? After Mass, there she is again. She’s probably coming to tell me off… But to my surprise she touched my shoulder and said, “I just wanted to tell you what a good job you did nursing that baby. You are such a good mom. It was so special to see a mother nursing in Mass. I remember having small kids in Mass and how hard it is. Your kids are always excellent.” Well…that last part was surely a kind-hearted fib, but could our family have blessed her by being there? By not sending our kids to the nursery? By trying to make it through Mass without causing a fire or anyone needing stitches? By choosing to nurse my baby, did that image of love between a mother and child actually make Mass more meaningful to her?

Because I think that’s part of what it means to be pro-life. To see children always as gifts of grace, not inconveniences. As always welcome as part of God’s family, not as distractions to be avoided. To encourage and love them and show them that they are wanted. That we want them there because Jesus wants them there. 

There’s one sweet couple and their adult daughter who have adopted our family during Mass. They make it a point to always sit near us. The mother is a bonafide baby whisperer and when Lucy gets fussy she will say in my ear, “You pass me that baby!” and she will snuggle a shockingly calm Baby Lucy sometimes for the entirety of Mass. Benjamin adores their daughter and on one occasion, we weren’t sitting close enough to “Miss Kerri” for his satisfaction. So he snuck out of our pew, tip-toed across the aisle, and plopped down right on her lap. As I prepared to stand up, bring him back, and reprimand him for leaving his spot, this dear soul gave me a look that said, “Don’t you dare! He’s FINE.” He sat like an angel with them for the rest of Mass. He even knelt quietly during the whole Consecration (usually our wrestling-match time). And as I knelt and peeked at him out of the corner of my eye, I started to feel tears roll down my cheeks. Because he looked so wanted, beloved, and cherished. Because this family’s love for my children communicates a vital message: Jesus loves them. Jesus wants them. They are not inconveniences and distractions. They are blessed outpourings of God’s grace.

I pray that during Mass, and every day, I can remember to see my children the way Jesus sees them. The way my parish sees them. I am so thankful for the love my children receive, even at their worst. And thankful for the reminder that Jesus wants all of us, even at our worst, to come and love and be loved.
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Choosing Maternity Items You Can Use for Your Post-Partum Wardrobe

Posted on August 2, 2012 by | 3 Comments

And now for more thrifty and versatile maternity wear! Earlier this week, Katherine shared some of her favorite non-maternity items that can do double duty as maternity and today I want to share some of my favorite maternity essentials that can help carry you through the post-partum days.

The post-partum days are tricky wardrobe-wise. And since I usually gain half my pre-pregnancy weight during those nine months (I’m not even joking), just because I’ve given birth doesn’t mean I’m going to be able to zip up my size 2 jeans for a good while (erm…8 or 9 months). Also, during those first weeks after giving birth, I just want to snuggle and nurse my baby and the idea of going clothes shopping for items that will only fit me for a few weeks of post-partum transitional size awkwardness couldn’t be less appealing. Hot tea, comfort food, baby snuggles, and a BBC miniseries? Yes, please. Shopping, no thanks.

So here’s my first attempt at a polyvore board for inspiration:

Essential Maternity Wear (for Post-Partum and Nursing)

 

I recommend at least one pair of maternity skinny jeans or leggings that you can pair with longer tops or shorter dresses. A cute pair of skinnies makes me feel slightly less bedraggled during pregnancy and are a lifesaver during those first few weeks when jeans sans elastic are not up to my post-partum comfort standards. Also, I find that I can fit into non-maternity tops sooner than non-maternity pants so I can just pair those maternity jeans/leggings with tops and dresses that fit my shrinking form until I’m ready for real jeans.

And like Katherine, I love non-maternity items that I can wear before, during, and after a pregnancy. One of my best recommendations for this category are nursing-friendly empire waisted tops or dresses in either stretchy material that is v-necked and can be pulled down or looser shirts that can easily be pulled up for nursing.

But I must say that my very, very favorite item for maternity and post-partum is a comfy nursing tank. I literally wear one of these every day of my life. They make great camisoles in pre-pregnancy, are supportive and comfy during pregnancy, and are forgiving and handy during post-partum nursing-every-five-minutes times. In late pregnancy when even a giant bra is uncomfortable, I love to just wear a nursing tank and they are great to lounge in during the post-partum days.

What are your essential maternity/post-partum wardrobe items?
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My Experience Practicing Ecological Breastfeeding

Posted on July 17, 2012 by | 19 Comments

(Lucy, age 4 months with me while the bridesmaids prepared for my best friend’s wedding)

photo credit: Jade Pierce Photography

After having such a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad experience with breastfeeding and creating a secure attachment with our firstborn when I was working full-time that I shared with you yesterday, I was determined to do it differently for round two. When I was pregnant with Lucy I started looking into Ecological Breastfeeding as promoted by Sheila Kippley (mostly because I was interested in the natural child spacing aspects). I fell in love with this practice of mama and baby togetherness and when I used it as my model for caring for Baby Lucy I was amazed at how natural, liberating, and stress-free it was. I highly recommend Kippley’s books: Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood and The Seven Principles of Ecological Breastfeeding.

On Friday we went on our first outing unaccompanied by 9-month-old Lucy since her birth. I have left her for an hour or so with Daniel on a handful of occasions and a couple of times with my mother, also for a brief time. Other than that I have been with her every second of her life. We have such a strong and secure attachment and I have never seen a calmer, happier, more independent, or more flexible baby. Now, I believe that Lucy’s temperament is simply calmer than our firstborn’s and she would be an easier baby regardless. But, I truly think ecological breastfeeding has helped.

God created women’s bodies with the ability to nourish their babies. Until recently when pumping became an option, breastfeeding meant that a mother couldn’t be away from her baby longer than a couple of hours because her baby would soon be hungry and need to nurse. It makes sense to me that this lack of separation between mother and baby serves other positive purposes and is a natural way I can choose to parent.

These are some of the principles of ecological breastfeeding that I have implemented:

Don’t schedule. Even now when people ask me what time Lucy eats and naps I don’t know what to tell them. I have never tried to get her to eat or sleep at a certain time during the day. Some days she naps once. Other days she naps 4 times. We follow her lead for a nightly bedtime which is now around 7:30.

Nurse on demand. If she acts like she’s hungry, I let her nurse. If she needs comfort, I let her nurse. I nurse her all the time. She never has to cry to let me know she’s hungry. I always nurse her before then. She is a delightfully perfect weight, not overweight, not underweight. And, I’ve lost 50 lbs since her birth without dieting or even exercising (eek, should probably do something about that) except for teaching ballet classes once a week! So, no complaints here!

Don’t do bottles or pacifiers. Now, I thought that I would hate not having the freedom to pump and leave her with a baby sitter and a bottle. I have found that pumping was WAY more of a drag than finding creative ways to take my baby everywhere I need to go. I also thought it would be torturous not to use pacifiers, but after not using them, I realize it’s so much easier than having to keep one with you at all times, not to mention those inevitable night wakings when baby screams because her paci fell out.

Co-sleeping. We did this for the first six months and I slept so well knowing she was right next to me. At five months she started waking 6-8 times a night. After a few weeks of that, we moved her to her own crib and she wakes 2-4 times a night (still a lot but a huge improvement). I think smelling my milk and bumping into me at night was waking her up and having her own space is improving her sleep and mine. I still nurse her back to sleep whenever she wakes.

Nap with your baby: I followed this rule rigorously since Kippley cites this principle as being crucial to help delay the return of the mama’s fertility. But mine still came back at 5 months, so after that I eased up and I will nap with her often but not daily.

Don’t be separated from baby. I thought this would really cramp my style and I did have to get creative with implementing this principle on the afternoon that I work part-time. I ended up paying a babysitter to watch Lucy at the studio where I worked and I would nurse her during breaks.

Lucy rarely fusses or cries and she is always easy to console. Daniel thinks this is because her needs are always met. While Benjamin would scream if he wasn’t touching my body (regardless of whether I was in the same room), Lucy will happily play and explore the house without needing to touch me or even stay in her line of vision. It’s as if she is secure in the fact that I am there and will always be nearby. If you’re interested in Ecological Breastfeeding in more detail, check out Sheila Kippley’s books!

Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood

The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.
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My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Experience as a Working Mother

Posted on July 16, 2012 by | 9 Comments

(Unhappy Baby Benjamin. This is seriously what he did most of his first year of life, poor child.)

This post could also be titled: Why We Chose Mama and Baby Togetherness the Second Time Around. I’ve been wanting to tell you about our amazing experience with Ecological Breastfeeding, but I feel like I need to describe our experience with our firstborn’s babyhood and why we so desperately wanted it to be different with Baby Lucy.

After my first pregnancy, I had to go back to work full-time 5 weeks after my son was born. I wasn’t familiar with the principles of Ecological Breastfeeding (which I’ll tell you about tomorrow) at the time, but they would have been impossible for me to implement because of my work situation. We are positive that we would have faced many of our firstborn’s challenges (reflux, colic, extreme fussiness, inability to sleep longer than 15-45 minutes, and extended periods of inconsolable crying) regardless of what parenting methods we used. He simply came out of the womb with a difficult temperament. But after implementing Ecological Breastfeeding and Mama and Baby Togetherness with my second baby, I’m convinced that the same methods might have alleviated some of his issues at the very least.

To explain why I was dead set on doing things differently the second time around, let me paint a picture of what we faced with our first baby when I had to be away from home 9-10 hours a day:

A horrible breastfeeding relationship: Although he didn’t have any trouble with the initial latch, he would unlatch a thousand times a feeding to arch his little back and scream. He also spit up 50-60 times a day (no lie). And we’re talking projectile vomiting. Because he grew accustomed to having breastmilk in a bottle during the daytime, he would refuse the breast when I was with him in favor of the bottle. This forced me to exclusively pump, taking up 3-4 hours each day. Nursing was never, not once, a tranquil, special, bonding time. Nursing to us meant tears, stress, and a sense of failure. All these problems made it impossible for me to keep up all the pumping and we switched to formula after 4 months. It’s notable that he continues to have issues with food, including a severe gluten allergy.

Extreme sleep deprivation: Benjamin would only sleep in 15-45 minute increments between 10pm and 4:30am for the first several months of his life. That translates to about 4-5 hours of sleep for me each night (in 15-30 minute segments). Although Benjamin would fitfully nap during the day, I was, of course, at work during those naps. I really can’t express the frustration and exhaustion of not getting a full sleep cycle for several months. I really thought I was losing my mind. And his inability to sleep well made him a constantly exhausted baby and intensified his extreme fussiness. After 6 months without sleep we made him CIO and a month later he was sleeping through the night consistently. However, the CIO method was very traumatizing for both me and for my baby and I don’t think I would ever have chosen to do sleep training that way if I wasn’t out of my mind with exhaustion.

Difficulty with bonding and attachment: Although I deeply loved my baby, the mental anguish of sleep deprivation and the psychological torture of hearing constant crying seriously hurt my ability to bond with him. I would occasionally have to set him down, go outside the house and put my hands over my ears to block out the screaming and take a deep breath because several hours of crying on top of the already excruciating lack of sleep would cause me to feel angry with my baby and I knew that was very unhealthy. Although I missed him when I was at work, when I was at home, caring for him was so stressful that I longed to go somewhere else to be all my myself. It wasn’t until I quit working full-time when he was one year old that our bonding issues improved.

Now, I know that all working moms don’t have as difficult a time as we did. And at the time, like many other moms, I did not have the option to stay home or work from home. However after my experience, barring financial disaster, I would not ever choose to be away from one of my babies full-time ever again. Thanks for letting me share a little bit about our struggles during our firstborn’s infancy. And tune in tomorrow to hear about the way we have embraced Ecological Breastfeeding and Mama and Baby Togetherness with Baby Lucy and what a blessing it’s been!
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In Defense of Jamie Lynne Grumet and Attachment Parenting

Posted on May 12, 2012 by | 8 Comments

So yesterday I wrote about how I HATED the cover image and the title (Are You Mom Enough?) of the piece in TIME about Attachment Parenting and extended breastfeeding (the cover image is included in yesterday’s post). I still hate the cover image and the title (oh, that title!). I still hate that TIME is trying to make AP and extended breastfeeding look as weird and sensational as possible. I still hate the implications of the title (as if AP and extended breastfeeding are only for women who are extreme and trying to prove something to other parents through their parenting choices instead of making decisions about what’s right for their children because they love them).

So, not thrilled with TIME. That being said. I was shocked at some of the personal attacks on the mother in the cover image (Jamie Lynne Grumet). I’ve seen the image called pornographic (oh, please), and even, bizarrely, the willingness to feature her three-year-old nursing on the cover as a form of child abuse and the mother as a self-absorbed exhibitionist. REALLY? COME ON.

I so wish that TIME had used this image on the cover instead of the hand-on-the-hip-nursing-while-standing one:

Photo credit: Martin Schoeller for TIME

Isn’t that beautiful? The way she’s cradling him. The look of proud, glowing love. I think it’s gorgeous. Why, oh, why, didn’t they use this picture instead of choosing one that makes extended breastfeeding look as weird as possible?

I was also shocked to see what some of the articles and comments were saying about attachment parenting. I read The Baby Book by Dr. Sears when I was pregnant with Benjamin. We don’t really label ourselves attachment parents because we are constantly altering our methods to do what’s best for our family at the current time. But I co-sleep, baby wear, breastfeed Lucy (exclusively for 6 months on demand, no pacifiers, no bottles, serious business), and am really never separated from her (I even take her to the ballet studio when I go to work and pay a babysitter to hold her so she is close by and can nurse before and after class). I don’t think this is the only way to parent. I have dear friends who have very different methods and very happy, thriving babies. But, for several reasons, I think an attachment style can be a very good thing.

First of all, it creates a family-centered life. In order to implement many of the AP tenets, families have to be together. I think it also places great value on motherhood itself (something that, sadly, isn’t typical in our culture). Only the mama can provide breastmilk for her baby. She is necessary, special, important. Also, AP promotes the idea that a mother’s instincts should not be ignored. Respect for a mother’s intuition about what her baby needs is encouraged by AP. That’s not to say that every mother always does what’s best for her baby at all times, but in general (and from my own experience) I think a mother’s instinct about her baby is almost always right. I think it’s very positive to promote the idea that a mother should know her baby and should be the one making choices about how to care for them.

So, there it is. At least that cover is making us talk about these important issues, right?

Would you like to chime in? Does this other photograph give you a different perspective?

 
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The Cover of TIME and the Blessed Virgin Mary

Posted on May 11, 2012 by | 9 Comments

Ok, so I promised I wouldn’t talk about sex for awhile after my two-part ramble on contraception, etc. But then I saw this TIME cover:

photo credit: TIME magazine

You guys know that I’m a huge supporter of breastfeeding in public. Breastfeeding is not a sexual act. Breasts are not merely sexual. Breastfeeding in public IS NOT immodest. So, why does this image look so sexual? Some might claim that nursing is an intimate act and therefore should be private, no need to plaster images of it everywhere. I disagree. I think breastfeeding should be in the public eye. It is intimate, but it doesn’t mean that it should be tucked away in lonely corners. I think images of breastfeeding are so beautiful (maybe that’s why I post pictures of nursing Lucy all over my blog). So, what’s the problem with this image? It’s not the fact that she’s nursing and some breast is exposed (grow up, people!) and it’s not the fact that the nursing child is three years old (the WHO recommends that ALL children are breastfed until they’re at least 2, I’m all for extended breastfeeding). The problem is difficult to nail down but I think we can do it by comparing the image to images of another lady breastfeeding:

Artist: Da Vince (from beautiful-breastfeeding.blogspot.com)

In this image, the Blessed Virgin is nursing Our Lord as a toddler. He’s big, squirmy, and looking straight at the viewer (just like the child is gazing at the viewer on the magazine cover). And there’s definitely a lot of breast showing. So what makes it different? The difference is in the Blessed Virgin’s pose and face. She is looking lovingly at her precious son. She is cradling him with love. She is not detached from her child and striking a “modelesque” pose while looking provocatively at the viewer. She’s not self-promoting. She’s not putting on the sex appeal. She is immersed in this act of love for her little son.

Sadly, TIME took an act that is so beautiful and natural and has presented it as extreme, sensational, and sexual. I hate that. Breastfeeding (and extended breastfeeding) are none of those things. I know TIME wants to sell magazines, but that doesn’t exonerate them from this incendiary journalism.

And the title is the icing on the cake: Are You Mom Enough? Again, the focus is completely on the mother, rather than the child. As if women who choose to practice AP and extended breastfeeding are doing it to prove that they’re better moms than other mothers or to impress other people. I hope that’s not the case for the woman who posed for the picture and I think she is being misrepresented. TIME is also misrepresenting all of us who practice AP and extended breastfeeding.  Mothers try their very best and agonize about what’s best for their families when they make decisions about parenting styles. Most mothers aren’t making any of those decisions because they have anything to prove.

What do you think? Am I overreacting?

EDIT: A reader noted that the mother on the cover was not trying to look sexy. I think this is probably true and I hope my post doesn’t sound too critical of her. When I’m describing her modelesque pose and “provocative gaze” I am criticizing TIME and the way they are portraying this mother and child which is probably not at all the fault of the mother.
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Crossroads

Posted on March 30, 2012 by | 20 Comments

(Lucy getting a snack before Ellie’s wedding, Photo courtesy of Jade Pierce Photography)

Well, I feel like I’m at a motherhood crossroads with my sweet baby girl. I’ve been following the principles of ecological breastfeeding very thoroughly since her birth. I read Sheila Kippley’s The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding and Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood which promote mama and baby togetherness, on-demand nursing, co-sleeping, no pacifiers, no bottles, baby wearing, exclusive breastfeeding until 6 months, and daily naps with baby (what’s not to love?!). Ecological Breastfeeding naturally delays the return of fertility because of super frequent breastfeeding as a way to naturally space out babies.

The natural baby spacing aspect of this method of mothering is what attracted me to it in the first place since I’m terrible at charting. But then I really adored the close relationship with my baby that ecological breastfeeding supports. I guess it’s a good thing that I really enjoyed it because I was surprised and a little bit bummed that my fertility returned after only 5 months. I was seriously really careful to follow all the principles, although occasionally I didn’t take a nap, and was shocked that my fertility returned before I even started solids with Lucy. I had friends tell me that it would be so unlikely for my fertility to return before a year if I was co-sleeping still. Oh, well, not having to even consider NFP was nice while it lasted! And it did delay the return of my fertility a month longer than after I had Benjamin. And the past five months have maybe been the best of my whole life with my precious baby. What a light this sweet girl has brought to my heart!

Anyhow, now I need to decide if I want to continue doing ecological breastfeeding or make some changes. Should we get the crib out of it’s packaging and start moving her toward sleeping in her own space? Should I start pumping so that I can occasionally leave her at home with Daddy?

As for co-sleeping, I’ve slept much better having her in bed with me than during my desperate attempts to try to get Benjamin to sleep by himself during his first six months, but maybe we could move towards sleeping through the night if she had her own room. She’s such a good sleeper already! We got 5 hour stretches for the past three nights which was awesome. We tried cry-it-out when Benjamin was 6 months old because I was so sleep-deprived I thought I would lose my mind. But I don’t want to go that route with Lucy, I just can’t. Whatever we choose to do sleep-wise won’t involve tears.

And as for no bottles, I hate the idea of having to pump (I pumped so much when I was working during Benjamin’s infancy that the idea is just repellant to me) but on the other hand, having a girls night also sounds amazing. But who knows if she will even take a bottle? And washing out bottles….blerg. Hate it.

And what kind of NFP should I use? I was using the sympto-thermal method (kind of) but taking my temperature at the same time each morning after having uninterrupted sleep is just…NEVER going to happen. Uninterrupted sleep? What is this miracle you speak of? So, I want to look into NFP methods that look for other fertility symptoms, not temperature. Got any recommendations? Part of me doesn’t really want to bother…babies rule.

I’d love your thoughts on good methods of NFP and gentle sleep training!

 
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Why I Hated Breastfeeding (And How That Changed) Part II

Posted on March 25, 2012 by | 8 Comments

In Part I, I described my horrible experience breastfeeding my firstborn and how after four months I gave up. I was stressed out. My baby was stressed out. It wasn’t working.

I am so glad to say that round two has been totally different! Part of it must be due to Baby Number Two’s easy temperament, but I think other factors are lower stress, and a shift in my attitude and mothering methods.

By the time I became pregnant with my second baby, so many things were different. I had quit working full-time as an editor and started working part-time as a ballet teacher. We had moved back to our hometown where our amazing parents live. I had drastically improved my health by breaking my addiction to sugar and taking the supplements I needed. So, in general, everything that had made my first pregnancy and post-partum really difficult had changed and I had great hopes that breastfeeding would improve the second time around as well.

When Lucy was born, I was braced for several months of exhaustion and colic after the challenges of Benjamin’s first year. But, my worry was for naught. The moment Lucy arrived in the world, she was calm, happy, and loved to nurse. I’ll never know if it’s simply the way her little soul was formed or if she was relaxed because I was relaxed. Like my firstborn, she spits up constantly (at 5 months it’s improved some) but she isn’t bothered by it the way he was.

Now I know what everybody was talking about when they said I would love breastfeeding!

I think sometimes babies are challenging due to health issues like reflux or simply temperament, but I do think there are things mamas can do that help make a good breastfeeding relationship possible. Here’s what I did different the second time around (I was greatly influenced by the mother-baby togetherness ideas in Sheila Kippley’s book The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding):

No more working full-time. Quitting work for baby number 1 wasn’t an option. My husband was two semester’s away from his degree and me working that year was the best choice for us at the time. However, being able to be home with my babies this time around has made the experience so different and wonderful. I haven’t had to pump one time because I’m always with my baby. Now, I know working mamas who have pumped for over a year so that their baby will be exclusively breastfed. It is possible and those mamas are amazing. I’m NOT saying you have to stay home in order to be a good mama, I’m just saying that the breastfeeding experience is much easier for me since I’ve stayed at home.

No pacifiers, no bottles. Just offer baby the breast. Benjamin was given a pacifier when he was one day old and a bottle at 3 weeks. I think that had serious negative consequences for our breastfeeding relationship. So far, Lucy doesn’t know what a bottle is.

Nurse baby to sleep and co-sleep so that nighttime feedings are a breeze. With my firstborn, we only co-slept for the first few weeks and after that I would have to get up out of bed so many times a night to pick him up out of his crib, nurse, rock him back to sleep, and (hopefully) place him back in his crib still sleeping. Most of the time, he woke up the second I set him back in his crib and I would cry because I was just so tired. Lucy is 5 months and we’re still co-sleeping. I nurse her when she starts to rustle around (she doesn’t even have to cry) and after 5-10 minutes we’re both asleep again.

Have support. Living in the same town as family has made a world of difference. An exhausted new mama doesn’t really need somebody to tell her that breastfeeding is great and she should keep doing it. An exhausted new mama needs somebody to cook dinner or watch the kids so she can nap and have the physical and emotional energy to nurse.

Get comfortable nursing in public. I remember when I was pregnant with my firstborn someone asked me, “You’re not going to, like, BREASTFEED everywhere, are you? I saw a woman breastfeeding on a train once! I was so gross. I can’t believe she did that in front of everybody!” I’m not sure exactly what she expected the poor woman to do. Let her hungry child scream? Is that preferable to other passengers? Anyhow, that conversation and others made me ultra-sensitive to making other people uncomfortable by feeding my kid. Long story short: I’m over it. I’ve nursed baby girl in restaurants, concerts, Mass, adoration, work, the park, banquets, parties, the Nutcracker, weddings, you name it. I can take her anywhere.

Don’t wait for your baby to cry. Offer baby the breast often. If your baby is crying for food they will be frantic and nursing will be difficult. Let baby nurse at the first sign of hunger. I usually offer Lucy the breast every two hours or so, that’s what’s working for us.

Try to remove stress from your life. A stressed-out mama means a stressed-out baby. I’m sure this isn’t a universal rule, but it’s true in our household. I was SO STRESSED as a new mama, working full-time, a thousand miles away from family. I think Benjamin would have had challenges no matter how relaxed I was, but I’m sure my stress made all his issues worse.

Nursing a happy and content baby to sleep has to be one of the sweetest experiences of life. I watch her eyelids flutter and finally close, her arms relax, and her feet cease to wiggle as she falls into precious sleep. I wouldn’t trade it for anything and I’m so glad I got a second chance.

Photo credit: Jade Pierce Photography. She’s seriously amazing. Jade photographed my beloved friend Eleanor’s wedding a couple of weeks ago and took some shots of me and Lucy. I was in the wedding party and getting wedding photos taken with Jade was a blast and all the photos I’ve seen are gorgeous. So, if you’re in TX and in need of a lifestyle or wedding photographer, look her up!
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